I know I shouldn't be here

I knock on your door once a week
And you might open it with a sad smile now
But you still pull me inside
Call me childhood nicknames
Make me lunch and dinner
And ask me to stay over
It's a long drive home
And I've been crying
"You should stay, Ben. It's ok."
I still don't know if you have a guest bedroom,
But I'll do your dishes and tidy up, and make myself very useful.
I'm good at that

I know I shouldn't be here
But you remind me of home
And being here hurts
But it's a pain that filters through as
Safety
And
Worth
And
Calm
And it's all I need
You are where I shouldn't be
but I can't stop falling back into you

Maybe I am lucky to have you
But I don't think something good is supposed to feel like this
This isn't who I want to be
I don't want to waste away here

A 2 hour drive
Is a long
Walk of shame