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#468556 - 08/05/14 04:24 PM Re: Negative performance evaluation at work :( [Re: Magellan]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1438
Loc: California
Wow...

I just found out from one of the PhD students who just graduated (we've apparently become friends/friendly) who confided in me that one of the faculty members who's been instigating some of the poor evaluation stuff with her commenting that I'm getting "complaints" is actually WARNING students about me before they meet me.

This seems totally fucked up, doesn't it? Is that even appropriate? The grad student said she told him to be "cautionary" in his dealings with me. He followed that up with saying he found me to be one of the most professional technicians he's ever worked with, and the University has no idea how lucky it is to have me here.

I know I've had some past behavioral issues, and I've acknowledged them, and have taken great measures to work on this. But to get the poor evaluation I got, and then to be told that one of the most powerful people in the department I'm working in is WARNING people about me before they meet me?

So here I am struggling with PTSD and can't even see out of the fog in my own head, and other people are playing politics and I wind up looking bad because I can't identify politics or even play the game to save my life.

I don't have the tools to deal with politics. I have no idea how this game is played.

God, this planet sucks.


Edited by Magellan (08/05/14 04:33 PM)
_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#468557 - 08/05/14 04:45 PM Re: Negative performance evaluation at work :( [Re: Magellan]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 827
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Magellan,

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this, and wish I had something concrete I could do to help. The best I can do is to send you love and support, and I do.

Don


Edited by don64 (08/05/14 04:46 PM)
Edit Reason: spelling
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#468561 - 08/05/14 05:50 PM Re: Negative performance evaluation at work :( [Re: Magellan]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2024
Loc: durham, north england
@Magellan, I wonder how much of this negative evaluation, and this idiot telling people to stay away from you is about you, and how much is about your disability.
Nasty as it sounds it's often easier to use official channels to remove disabled individuals, this in fact just happened to my brother, his firm merged with another firm, and surprise surprise, first they make their one other disabled employee redundent, then after six years working there without a single complaint there is a massive file of complaints against my brother and he's basically forced to leave or be dismissed, and still worse, he can't take them to court over it because nobody will employ him afterwards.

Frankly anger is a legitimate response, you've got every right to feel angry.

More generally living with a disability is often a frustrating business, I walk into something, it hurs, I sware!

The difficult part is finding ways to release and cope with the anger so that it doesn't poison attitude, and to also recognize the difference between legitimate targets for anger.

I do not feel angry about my abuse. I don't know why, I just don't. I do! feel angry when I get rejected by others, and I do feel angry, or rather emvious when i see what others have that I don't. Often, I'm angry at myself simply for being such a pathetic individual. One of the things i hope to do when starting therapy is separate out the difference between ligitimate anger, and illigitimate anger, and try to direct both in a more useful way.

One thig you said however did strike me. You said in your first post your incapable of making friends, then you describe a grad student as "friends/friendly twoars you.

I wonder if perhaps your problem with friends isn't so much learning how to make them, as learning how to capitalize on these friendly connections with people when they appear.

Oh and btw, don't regret not falling in love, falling in love is a truly horrible experience and has brought me no good in my life whatsoever your very mmuch better off without.


Edited by dark empathy (08/05/14 05:51 PM)

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#468607 - 08/06/14 07:40 PM Re: Negative performance evaluation at work :( [Re: Magellan]
PMGNT Offline


Registered: 05/24/14
Posts: 20
Loc: Eastern USA
Magellan,

What I recognized first in what you wrote is how difficult it is to have somebody telling me what I have to do or change or worry about. I really don't handle people forcing me, not well at all. Well, jeez, just imagine why! That's a really hard part of performance evaluation et cetera for many of us, no doubt.

But I have no idea what to tell you to do. I just have to say, you have my support and well wishes. This is a truly miserable situation to deal with, even if the whole world's not collapsing.

And, like dark empathy points out, it does sound like you have some ability to make friends. You seem likable to me, for whatever that's worth.

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