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#468094 - 07/27/14 11:15 PM Effects of Covert child sexual abuse
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA

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#468128 - 07/28/14 01:05 PM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 123
HI Pufferfish,

Thanks! This is good, no GREAT stuff! Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Sincerely,

GAATT
_________________________
"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

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#468151 - 07/28/14 09:03 PM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 355
Loc: NY
Pufferfish:

Thanks for the article.

It's interesting that each time I read something like this, another part of the relationship comes to mind.

My mom and I saw a lot of movies together when I was teenager, and they weren't all PG. I wonder if a part of me was assuming that this was a healthy education. It probably would have been better if we actually talked about what we were seeing. I am trying to do that with my own kids, although they are still young.

Although my Mom and I have done a lot together over the years, it also seems like the "special" and "cherished" relationship dynamic got established somewhere along the line. Yes, this is probably what contributed to having trouble being in the same room with her at times.

Going through the feelings,

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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#468153 - 07/28/14 11:05 PM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 680
I couldn't barely read it.

I've posted before-------I do this---omg...with my daughter.

Ex wife's an emotional failure, never home emotionally or physically, emotionally checked out, nothing more than a nasty bitch, a real loser in healthy relationships..............and I turn to my 9 year old (all of 2 nights now) for some emotional 'filling my needs".

I do this. Fearing this. And it's true.

I even asked her today if she wanted to go to a church concert Wednesday. But itself--good. My motive: have someone there who "knows me". I did it to fill my needs. Not hers. Deceptive I am to myself

Don't beat me up. I'll take correction, but unmindful criticism will hurt all involved. I need correction.

God. I am doing this to her. I'm like glue in sand--I'll take anything she offers. Was, and am, like this with my ex-bitch "wife". I f**cked up marrying her. And am like this with my a-hole boss. Frick******* It's like if they even offer me crumbs, I'm "ok".

My daughter carries a lot since my wife is emotionally vacant--to everyone, our daughter included. Her Mommy-daughter nights are sitting in front of TV with food. I really hate the bitch.

Don't beat me up--please. I do this.

Note: the bitch is my ex, not my daughter


Edited by fhorns (07/28/14 11:12 PM)

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#468189 - 07/29/14 04:36 PM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 680
Gonna share this in group tonight.

I called my sponsor during lunch today. I had emailed him this thread to "tell on myself", for it's something I've kept buried consistently. I'd also left a voicemail in the morning, kind of puking it out, then hanging up.

He said I was in a codependent relapse: angry, sad, and wanting someone, somewhere, anywhere to pick up my crap, coddle me, and save me. In truth, he didn't say the latter. I told on myself, and as I spoke, I told more and more what I'd been thinking and relying on.

I keep lots of lies to myself. I share here and with him since "my secrets keep me sick". Behaving sickly is more and more uncomfortable each time I do it again.

I almost always feel better being honest. It's just too much damn work BSing myself and everyone else.

Another truth. Yeah. Just spitting it out:

I don't like myself. Feel like a failure, a reject. "Rejected"

I am afraid of getting a new job, but I need to get one. I went through this 4 years ago. Feeling like a reject, and having to "lie" to be hired. Sucks. It's sad. Will share more later. My evening's starting.

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#468201 - 07/30/14 01:00 AM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 734
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Fhorns,

My experience is every time I release a tiny bit of my secrets and lies, I create a tiny bit of new clean space inside myself. It rarely feels great at the time, but it is cumulative and I have observed the occasional leaps of understanding that comes from the tiny, tiny releases. It has taken me a very long time to begin to trust the process.

Sending you love and support.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#468265 - 07/30/14 11:22 PM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 123
Hi Fhorns,

Actually, I kind of admire your courage. I wish had had parents who recognized that what they were doing to me was hurtful. My mother sort of does, occasionally, but not convincingly and not in a way that inspires her enough to do her own emotional healing (in a way that I can see).

Maybe you could just give yourself some credit for seeing it. The only thing you have to do now is find a way to meet your needs in a healthier way and see your daughter's needs more clearly.

Best wishes to you,

We're rooting for you.

GAATT.
_________________________
"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

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#468459 - 08/04/14 08:08 AM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: pufferfish]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 680
you're right Gaatt. I do need to see good in this.

I did my story, part 1, in the survivor stories last night. It was primarily about my marriage, but how I felt about this----which is a WOW. I'll do more, maybe, just maybe, lots more.

I say this since I PM'd a guy about writing, as it is his profession. He asked "what interests you?" I told him as I write I find my interests and passions--and it's true.

As Don64 said above, every time he (I) air out junk, I get to see the good too. It was refreshing to expose it----which is so opposite to my habitual lifestyle (don't talk, feel, share, care---just hide).

However, I AM an introvert. Always have been, and always will be.

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#468645 - 08/07/14 01:33 PM Re: Effects of Covert child sexual abuse [Re: fhorns]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 123
Originally Posted By: fhorns
I did my story, part 1, in the survivor stories last night. It was primarily about my marriage, but how I felt about this----which is a WOW. I'll do more, maybe, just maybe, lots more.

Hi fhorns,

Congratulations! I read it. Looks good. Gutsy! You're inspiring me to do mine. Right now I'm somewhat stuck in guilt. I suspect that'll pass soon. I often struggle with feeling comfortable around men. Thanks for your support.

Sincerely,

"GAATT"
_________________________
"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

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