Newest Members
0128, jeremywickers, JScott12, TMatti2, DaiseyLady
12502 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
fakir (71), HelpMeHelpHim32 (41), motherstars (65)
Who's Online
2 registered (2 invisible), 29 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12502 Members
74 Forums
64191 Topics
447939 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Topic Options
#468043 - 07/27/14 10:39 AM I give them all my power
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
I've written 3 posts this morning, and this title sums it up:

I give (women) all my power.

I re-read some old posts of mine from 3 years back, and....I'm constantly waiting on someone else (ex-wife, mom, sister, any caring woman) to deliver for me. I give them all power to help me succeed or fail in life. F***ed up thinking, really

This has caused me unmistakable agony in years past..... I'm still habitually waiting on it.

I'm writing this since I don't have a safe meeting to share it with today.

I'm feeling self-disgust as I finish writing. My problem has not diminished. None at all. I'm still holding on to it.

Rejecting self. Damn.

Top
#468055 - 07/27/14 01:06 PM Re: I give them all my power [Re: fhorns]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 124
Originally Posted By: fhorns
I give (women) all my power.

Hi fhorns,

The only thing I've found that seems to help me take it back is getting in touch with my anger and de-demonizing men. Yes, I give my power away to women too and I generally regret it. Best wishes to you in getting yours back!
_________________________
"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

Top
#468075 - 07/27/14 05:21 PM Re: I give them all my power [Re: fhorns]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
demonizing men.......

I asked myself "what do I think of men?"

Yikes. I think of men as selfish, self-centered mostly---for my father was never there for me. I met him by my brother's imput at age 17, and very quickly set up camp in his home. I found out shortly that he lived in emotional pain, medicated with alcohol, and was rarely direct or safe when admitting his thoughts. He was uncomfortable in his own pain.

In a word: unavailable

I'm realizing men have much more power in relationships, and my father acted cowardly. I'm learning women are primarily responders to men, so angry husband = scared, tiptoeing wife = a single mother who always felt wrong about her actions, and his combined = lots of blame for herself and us as children. Lots of pain came from this action/non-actions of his.

I do have more power today; thanks for making me think.

The truly hardest part of admitting this is this: do I do the same thing(s) in my life? Yes. I'm wrong, daily. Both to myself, and other people. I'm not down and hopeless since I'm owning it; it's painful, but profitable long term.

I leave here with a question for myself: do I/did I abandon myself today? I can handle today.


Honesty, for me, helps me. And I'm glad to be writing this here. It's gold to me


Edited by fhorns (07/27/14 05:27 PM)
Edit Reason: additional thoughts

Top
#468085 - 07/27/14 09:28 PM Re: I give them all my power [Re: fhorns]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 827
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Fhorns,

Congratulations on expressing yourself here. My experience is toxicity does not age well, and expressing myself and feeling heard and valued helps fill the deep deficit of feeling cared for and safe in myself. The more I feel cared for, the more I learn how to translate that into caring for myself. The more I care for myself, the better I get at it. A work in progress.

For me, unfortunately, I frequently have to precipitate some mental or physical crisis to get over the fear of change.

I hear you. I value you. I send you love and support.

Don


Edited by don64 (07/27/14 09:29 PM)
Edit Reason: add "and safe"
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

Top
#468091 - 07/27/14 10:31 PM Re: I give them all my power [Re: fhorns]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
"For me, unfortunately, I frequently have to precipitate some mental or physical crisis to get over the fear of change."

Yikes...true...too true. I'm here due to isolating myself, which turns me on myself.

I got to a meeting tonight, a reading shared about the danger of isolating, so I "puked" about it. I was loving to myself in this--I didn't keep it a secret.

High five to myself :-). It was a GOOD night!

Top
#468125 - 07/28/14 12:32 PM Re: I give them all my power [Re: fhorns]
gaatt Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 124
Originally Posted By: Don64
"For me, unfortunately, I frequently have to precipitate some mental or physical crisis to get over the fear of change."

Me too! I've had severe physical illness for many years now. The connection to the way I relate to women (and men) is quite clear. I suppose our bodies are trying to tell us something! I wish I had learned to listen a little earlier. Sigh!

Originally Posted By: fhorns
Honesty, for me, helps me. And I'm glad to be writing this here. It's gold to me

Yes, me too. It's really good to be amongst people who "get" it. If anything, I just wish you guys lived closer.



Edited by gaatt (07/28/14 12:32 PM)
_________________________
"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

Top


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.