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#467475 - 07/11/14 11:54 AM Gratitude
PhoenixRising Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 33
Loc: Richmond, Indiana
I would like to express my gratitude for all of you on here. Reading these postings can make me sad, or angry, but there is also a realization, one that I did not experience this in isolation, and that indeed to challenge the silence around sexual abuse, which for me has often felt like betraying and contains guilt and shame, is the right thing to do.
I trusted the wrong people for the right reason. They were my family. Over and over in the last 20 years of reclamation, I have returned to them, as if to believe there would be a magic change. Indeed the circumstances surrounding my abuse, and of my childhood probably magnified my feeling to have a family held together, and I would be the glue, even at the expense of my own life.
So thank you all, for honesty and truth, the willingness to reveal pains and challenge, albeit at the risk of vulnerability, but with the chance to overcome the fear. You reveal new community, and places to trust, that counter balance those who were not capable of being trustworthy.
I tend to come in here when I am feeling challenged and in pain, and I am so grateful that the rest of you are willing to speak up, and in that, open the option of feeling connected and reclaiming the wholeness I was born with. I am sorry for the circumstances that unite us; I am not sorry for the community that they create.

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#467477 - 07/11/14 12:01 PM Re: Gratitude [Re: PhoenixRising]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1286
Originally Posted By: Phoenix
I trusted the wrong people for the right reason.

How can a word like trust have such a powerfully positive connotation yet paradoxically open the door to such an equally powerful devastation?
_________________________



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#467478 - 07/11/14 12:08 PM Re: Gratitude [Re: PhoenixRising]
PhoenixRising Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 33
Loc: Richmond, Indiana
I think that is indeed the painful paradox we try to make sense of as children; that if we get to the very bottom of at that time, would probably destroy us. We were not safe. The people who had control over our food, shelter and emotional well being were not only not able to provide it; but could not acknowledge it then, or as in my situation, later on when I was starting to realize what had happened, and wanting to heal from it. They are invested in a different story; one that has no way to continue but in progressive cycles. In calling out the truth, we come to realize that the only one we could really trust, perhaps even as a baby, was ourselves. What was impossible for me then, becomes necessary now.

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#467481 - 07/11/14 12:31 PM Re: Gratitude [Re: PhoenixRising]
NoSimpleMachine Offline


Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 59
Loc: WA, USA
Originally Posted By: PhoenixRising
There is also a realization, one that I did not experience this in isolation, and that indeed to challenge the silence around sexual abuse, which for me has often felt like betraying and contains guilt and shame, is the right thing to do.

I feel the same way about this place. I never would've guessed before I came here how alone I felt living with the aftershocks of my abuse, and how illuminating it was to share those emotions with so many others, and how validating it was to know that instead of feeling like I was inherently out-of-whack, to understanding why I felt that way and internalizing that I was a good person who needed to fight the good fight.

Quote:
I trusted the wrong people for the right reason.
*nods in complete agreement*. Same sentiment I put in my signature, expressed slightly differently IMO. Really shows how we learned some really unhelpful lessons that we need to overwrite, correct, and replace in our healing process.
_________________________
I've known love, I've known pain, and I've called them by each other's names.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tazGZU4ufGM

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#467495 - 07/11/14 07:37 PM Re: Gratitude [Re: PhoenixRising]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 174
Loc: Southeast US
Very well said. Thanks

Your statement "challenge the silence around sexual abuse" has such powerful meaning for me. The major breakthrough for me came when I did just that. And realized I'm not alone in all this.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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