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#467205 - 07/03/14 01:24 PM I finally told my wife
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1179
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
I've been a member here for many years, not very active recently . It occurred to me though that I should update F&F that I finally did tell my wife about my CSA, the "father wound" I experienced when my dad left my mom and I briefly mentioned how messed up living with my mother was.

I explained to her that I wanted her to know because I had decided to start another round if counseling, and didn't want to lie to her about where I was going, or where I was spending money.

She took it all very well, and was supportive. We've been married 21 years, and have a 20 yo son, and 16 yo daughter. She asked me point blank if I had done anything to hurt the kids. (This question did not surprise me as she is a constant worrier).

I responded that yes, I had hurt the kids by not always being present emotionally for them. And I had hurt them by not always speaking up when I should have regarding parenting.

I told her all this about 3 months ago, and don't regret it. No, I didn't tell her about my attraction issues, or addictions. But this was a start.

Jim


Edited by Jim1961 (07/03/14 01:25 PM)
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#467209 - 07/03/14 02:56 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 136
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Jim:

We're always afraid to let our wives sees us "as is." But, in fact after so many years of marriage they know us better than we give them credit for. I pray that your opening up to your wife has strengthened you marriage.

Best Regards:
_________________________
Jay

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#467213 - 07/03/14 05:33 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1179
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Thanks Jay
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#467218 - 07/03/14 08:23 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 275
Loc: us
Bravo Jim! What you did took courage. I'm glad to hear that your wife was supportive. I wish you continuing courage as you face the next stage of your healing.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#467224 - 07/03/14 11:57 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 343
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Jim

It was a liberating experience for me when I told my wife, one more lie put to bed, no more pretending. It allowed me to move on with my healing.

Really pleased for you
_________________________
To look up and not down,
To look forward and not back,
To look out and not in

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#467242 - 07/04/14 04:20 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1179
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Thanks HD and TBK
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

Top
#467261 - 07/05/14 11:00 AM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 975
Loc: southern California
Jim,

Happy [Personal]Independence Day. You just broke loose of the secret shackles.

And your spousal relationship just matured to a new height.

Walk tall and proud; this victory is yours. cool
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#467264 - 07/05/14 12:59 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 380
Good for you Jim! smile

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#467313 - 07/06/14 07:39 PM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
Good for you, Jim.

A huge weight must have lifted and you can go into T without having to worry about thinking upexcuses to go and focus and use your time wisely.

Good luck with T.
_________________________
.

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#467330 - 07/07/14 03:11 AM Re: I finally told my wife [Re: Jim1961]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 975
Loc: southern California
Keep us posted? Maybe one of us may have the right word at the right time for you, and your thoughts noted here will undoubtedly help another survivor going through the same as you.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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