People who haven't experienced it or seen it in someone they care about are going to really struggle to understand. Our culture teaches us to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps, and that failure to do so is weakness. It's a point where ideology tries to trump reality (but of course it never can). You and your husband accepting reality and being committed to the long slog of recovery is healthier than trying to get to a quick fix by willpower and effort. That's beating your head against the wall.
It makes perfect sense to be annoyed. IMO annoyance is about expecting those family members to know and understand more than they really do. It takes acceptance of their ignorance on the matter to make peace with the disconnect between what they say you should do and what you know you should do.
Stay strong and take care.
If I know only one thing it's that everything that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak
Yeah I'm tongue-tied and dizzy and I can't keep it to myself
What good is it to sing Helplessness Blues, why should I wait for anyone else?