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#467027 - 06/26/14 05:31 PM Survival Strategies
Mike0078 Offline


Registered: 06/14/14
Posts: 3
I had recently submitted a posting about a very fearsome physical mugging and rape I was involved in.

While I try my best each day to put those harrowing hours that one day behind me, I struggle and end up failing each and every day.
The wound is still so fresh and each day as the sun rises, I almost feel like that wound festers and widens. Some days are good (not great) but most days are bad. Everything about how I was savegly assaulted, mugged, beaten replay constantly in my head....
I'm fearful of telling others because I don't have the answers myself. My only comfort (as ironic as it may be) is isolation; it is haunting me inside and searching for depth and light is the equivalent of trying to light a candle facing the wind; the spark to heal is there but it never stays lit.

I'm encouraged by similar posts I read but these days it feels like nothing can be sustainable.

Please inbox any messages or helpful words of wisdom.

To all survivors - stay strong for yourself and for others on the same path.

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#467028 - 06/26/14 05:44 PM Re: Survival Strategies [Re: Mike0078]
NoSimpleMachine Offline


Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 223
Loc: SF Bay Area
Nothing is sustainable at first, but a combination of identifying better methods of coping and recovering, practicing your willpower, knowing healthy places/people/things to turn to for comfort when you DO feel weak and scared (it's ok!), and just putting some time between yourself and the abuse itself all will help you have more good days, less bad days in due time.

Recovery only happens in its due time.

When you talk about "failing", question where that judgment comes from. Is that an absolute conviction from a real authority or is it a subconscious way for you to beat up on yourself? I'd say that facing what happened to you and coming to this site isn't failing at all, it's succeeding...succeeding at the early stages of recovery. The early stages are hardest. As weird as it may feel to say it, be grateful to yourself for taking these first hard steps, for struggling through the fear and depression to try and make things better. In the end, taking these steps and recovering is giving love to yourself and that's what's important.

Stay strong and take care. You can do this. Being afraid or not knowing what to do is OK and is part of the process. You can always come here and read, post, and chat for support and ideas.


Edited by NoSimpleMachine (06/26/14 05:50 PM)
_________________________
If I know only one thing it's that everything that I see
Of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak
Yeah I'm tongue-tied and dizzy and I can't keep it to myself
What good is it to sing Helplessness Blues, why should I wait for anyone else?

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#467034 - 06/26/14 10:04 PM Re: Survival Strategies [Re: Mike0078]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1600
Loc: New England
Originally Posted By: Mike0078
Everything about how I was savegly assaulted, mugged, beaten replay constantly in my head....My only comfort (as ironic as it may be) is isolation

Hey Mike,

There is a name for what you are experiencing: Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome. You've been through a horrific experience. Your mind is trying to process it, but the circuts are overloaded. The isolation, the replaying of the experience as though it were happening right now, are all typical of PTSD. Have you spoken with your doctor, or have a therapist? This is not something to deal with alone. Seek professional help. And there is always support for you here.

Originally Posted By: Mike0078
....it is haunting me inside and searching for depth and light is the equivalent of trying to light a candle facing the wind; the spark to heal is there but it never stays lit.

Lets take a similar metaphor. If you try to piss into the wind, you just get wet pants. And no matter how many times you try it the result will be the same. So what do you do? You turn your back to the wind and then let it go. There is a time to stand facing against the wind, but taking a leak isn't the time to do it.

So give yourself a break. Lower your expectations to what is doable right now. Small steps to begin to find your way. We all want to immediately leap to happiness and health, but it usually doesn't happen that way. Its a long, slow, painful journey. But like any journey it begins with one step. And its okay to put your back to the wind when you need to.

Jude
_________________________
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

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#467036 - 06/26/14 10:58 PM Re: Survival Strategies [Re: Mike0078]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 351
I've been there myself mike, the pain is non-stop, agony, a sort of pain that is throbbing but you my friend must make friends with these emotions, Treat them with love and compassion, specially for yourself. It's ok to not be ok. We are all here for you, if you need literature or advice with any struggle, we are here for you.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#467042 - 06/27/14 12:25 AM Re: Survival Strategies [Re: justplainme]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 418
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: justplainme
It's ok to not be ok. We are all here for you, if you need literature or advice with any struggle, we are here for you.



Just want to echo the "it's ok to not be ok." Found when I gave myself permission for that while dealing with abuse recovery, I didn't feel as stuck afterward, though it still wasn't easy.

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#467110 - 06/30/14 04:17 PM Re: Survival Strategies [Re: Mike0078]
roninsteve Offline


Registered: 10/14/08
Posts: 16
Loc: Victoria Australia
Your experiences were extreme in so many ways so it is understandable that your reaction is also extreme.
I Know isolation, I live it every day, and I know about how safe it can be but it can also be poison. Try to keep reaching out here and to any support you have because it is through this support that you can rebuild your life.
The healing spark is very resourceful and whilst it isn't keeping alight at the moment, there will come a time when the spark is replaced with a blowtorch. For the moment just do what you can and one day you will realize the massive progress you have made by just taking there little steps. Remember failing only happens when you don't try. Whilst it doesn't feel like you are trying, that is exactly what you are doing by posting. Keep going, you will beat this

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#467149 - 07/02/14 05:37 AM Re: Survival Strategies [Re: Mike0078]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 975
Loc: southern California
Mike,
I can really relate with your post. Isolation ..and the alone-ness...is something I knew all too well. You found the perfect words to describe it, "..trying to light a candle facing the wind."

Something I can also see in your words is, you are going to make it through this. You have a gift with words. And though your feet are in a muddy "here," your soul seems to be catching glimpses of a better place ahead.

I'd place my bet that you're going to be a great inspiration to many male survivors along the way. I wouldn't be surprised to see your name on a book cover in the not too distant future.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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