Newest Members
JayNL, Robert Barrett, lostsoul824, beatcook, MassGuy
12279 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Daniel McKinney (35), Framery (44), JohanDoug (70), ltlkty (55)
Who's Online
3 registered (ACRoberts, AlexT, 1 invisible), 16 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12279 Members
73 Forums
63179 Topics
441785 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#466994 - 06/25/14 10:20 PM My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15
pow Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 15
But I had just turned 15 like the kid Still posted. When the T said that, I didn't know what to say and I couldn't talk. I didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't even know men had sex with boys, I did not know that it was going to happen. I just wanted him to like me and I never let it happen again. I hid from him in school the best I could for the next 3 years. Something inside me broke when the T said that.

Top
#466996 - 06/25/14 10:52 PM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1478
Loc: New England
Hi pow,

I'm so sorry to hear this. Your therapist is very poorly informed. His comment makes it seem that you were complicit in the sexual abuse that occured. That is simply outrageous.

Yes, most 15 year olds know how their sex organs work,and many have already had some kind of sexual experience with one or more of their peers. But that has nothing to do with an adult manipulating a teenage boy into sex!

If you can't talk to your therapist about this misconception, then you might consider ending your relationship with him/her, and finding a new therapist. Preferably one who has experience with childhood trauma. Please consider it.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

Top
#466997 - 06/25/14 11:02 PM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
sadclown Offline


Registered: 02/27/14
Posts: 57
I'm not one to give opinions on other people's actions, but if I were you, I would find a new T with a swiftness. Someone so fundamentally misinformed/misled/inhuman likely is not the person to help you get through this. Granted, I am very early on in my own journey, but it is incredibly tempestuous and difficult and if I had to justify myself to my T, I'd break. On the contrary, I need him to consistently reinforce that I didn't do anything wrong...

15 is not old enough to be worldly to that level, especially if you are from an earlier generation. I can only imagine what little carnal knowledge was available then, but I can testify that as a 12 year old at the turn of the century, I didn't even know that males COULD be sexual with males. I didn't think that far ahead..

Anyways, I would consider finding a different professional to help you with this. Ideally someone with experience treating child abuse/child sex abuse and knows how to work with males. We do often require a different approach than female survivors. Same damage, different dynamic.

I'm terribly sorry to hear you had such an experience with your T, but I assure you that at 15 you had NO responsibility or expectation of being worldly enough to comprehend the extent of what was happening and that is why such behavior is illegal.

Keep your head up, man
_________________________
My Story

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed"- Ernest Hemingway

Top
#466999 - 06/25/14 11:27 PM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 270
Give me your's T's address i will go punch him in the face. With therapists you have to be an informed consumer otherwise you get screwed by a lot of hacks. Don't listen to him man. Get another therapist, and let him know why you are doing it.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

Top
#467007 - 06/26/14 07:59 AM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: justplainme]
pow Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 15
I should have expanded on my comment. When I read Still's post about the Huffington Post comments, despite the "mega warning", it still triggered my right back to that day when the T said that. The thing about it was that I was a full year into counseling, for the first time in my life, and so when he said that it threw me back down the hill I'd been climbing.
I'm not sure why he said that, but rest assured, I have stopped counseling pretty much altogether. Other than the marriage counseling that my wife and I of 20 years started a few months ago. I am going to be facing my perp in a criminal trial soon and it has me at a level of stress that began to impact my family.
Thanks for the good feedback, not giving out any addresses for you guys to punch my old T in the face, haha.
I feel bad about not being supportive on this site. All I do is complain here. I hope to be in a position feel like I can help other survivors with good words sometime soon.
Pow

Top
#467011 - 06/26/14 10:17 AM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1283
Well, Pow, first addressing your last sentence, being supportive is really just participating. Sometimes all I am looking for here is someone to say something about their experience that I can relate to. Hell - it's like we've been stuck in isolation pods throughout our childhood, carrying these deep dark secrets no one else could possibly relate to, stumble into a place like this and say, "You, too?" That alone is ten times more powerful than any "advice" someone can evangelize. Your complaints are another's touchstone - don't sell them short. You come here and share - that's the whole game, the way I see it.

That said, I am really sorry to hear about your T. Was that a real "therapist," by the way? I had a somewhat similar experience. My first attempt to get help was when I was about 15 with a lady who acted as a T but was actually a social worker. Suffice it to say it was horrible and shut me up for years....

Don't let one bad experience like that define the help you decide you need with this, Pow. Frankly, I'd STILL be sitting on a steamer trunk of shame if not for the therapist who ultimately guided me out of my darkness. He had to help me redefine my entire life - much of it defined by that lady I shared all my secrets with when I was barely out of life's starting gate. I didn't even see him for CSA but for grief therapy (losing my dad). But I guess he couldn't miss the walls I built around myself. The cost of the lies I told myself continue to tally. They are utterly incalculable.

So, Pow, you are not alone with this. And as long as we're talking about it, have you noticed that so many professionals STILL don't get it? We might expect more from therapists perhaps. But what about people charged to protect children from this - like the office of the attorneys general in Pennsylvania, who appeared to have completely dropped the ball in the Sandusky case? Or the Boy Scouts of America, who stood strong against gays but didn't want to look too deeply at the dirty secrets in their own ranks? Or the Catholic Church? Or like so many others who would rather not look at this and let the children deal with it alone? Like I did. Like you did. Like so many of us here did for so long.

You're a hero, Pow, if you do nothing more than face yourself. And if you need it, you have a brotherhood of strong shoulders here to support you, friends to walk with you.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

Top
#467016 - 06/26/14 11:29 AM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
NoSimpleMachine Offline


Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 57
Loc: WA, USA
Bad therapist, not understanding the confusion and pain of abuse. Trauma is in the eye of the beholder, if you're having problems with something that happened in your life, nobody can tell you otherwise. Anyone who tries is hurting your recovery. Ditch that T and let them know why. Maybe they'll do better by the next soul they encounter.
_________________________
I've known love, I've known pain, and I've called them by each other's names.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tazGZU4ufGM

Top
#467020 - 06/26/14 01:36 PM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
pattom Offline


Registered: 05/20/14
Posts: 30
Loc: Southern Midwesternish
pow...

im so sorry. it takes one simple sentence to set back all of the work done for recovery. years ago i was seeing a female therapist. since my first csa incident involves a medical situation, she tried to have me analyze to prove that it wasnt sexual abuse. she even pulled out a book definition of what "real" sexual abuse is. i wanted to say "F*** YOU!" but i didnt, i politely played her game. when she was done, i told her that i respectfully disagree. i left and never went back. this experience is filed among the other false starts i had towards recovery.

pow... what your t said says more about him than you. clearly you recognized that your t was wrong or you would have sadly accepted his words as the truth. but you didnt. you came here to share your outrage. you know that you were clueless about what was coming. take that knowledge, along with all of the other progress you have made, and start fresh with a new t. one who will listen objectively and not interject their own preconceived notions upon you or your experience.

peace friend,
patrick
_________________________
Before I knew you, I thought brave was not being afraid.
You've taught me that bravery is being terrified and doing it anyway.
Laurell K. Hamilton

Top
#467021 - 06/26/14 02:30 PM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6367
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Originally Posted By: pow
But I had just turned 15 like the kid Still posted. When the T said that, I didn't know what to say and I couldn't talk. I didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't even know men had sex with boys, I did not know that it was going to happen. I just wanted him to like me and I never let it happen again. I hid from him in school the best I could for the next 3 years. Something inside me broke when the T said that.


First Brother POW, Still is no kid. He's a very very very young 53. He even long-boards and rides motocross again. Just don't want anyone thinking otherwise.

That T is poison. We run from poison and dump it someplace we are not.

My first T use to make fun of me. What did I know? I had never been in T before...but the crap she spewed had very very dramatic and negative impact on my recovery. I won't get into what she said, but it was in the same stadium as what yers said.

I'm so pissed-off right now about what the T told you...and what my T said to me...I can barely type. My hands are seizing-up.

I'm a rager. I would have stood up and put a finger 1mm from his nose and issued an official "F You!" Don't pay this fool! Destroy him on Yelp! DESTROY!
_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

New Video

Top
#467022 - 06/26/14 02:35 PM Re: My T told me I knew what I was getting into age 15 [Re: pow]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 162
Loc: Southeast US
Hey pow,

Don't be too hard on yourself for not being too supportive. There's a time and place for everything, and your time to be supportive will come. And besides, there is a whole lot more "supporting" than you would imagine in posting and sharing your thoughts and experiences. My most profound breakthrough at MS, and biggest help was when I realized I'm not alone in all this, that people like you were willing to share what's happening in their lives, and willing to make this a unique community of people trying, in their own way, to deal with a common scourge.

Thanks for your courage in facing your perp in a criminal trial. It's no easy task. Since there's NO defense for what this jerk did, the defense attorney's job will be to make you look as guilty and as complicit in the abuse as possible. Just like the thoughtless incompetent T, treat his/her words for what they are - BS

Sending you best wishes. Good luck with the counseling and the impending trial.

CJ
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.