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#466777 - 06/19/14 08:31 AM I Just Blew Up...*Triggers*
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 601
...over washing my hands and brushing my teeth.

My mom and I just had a huge fight over it. Imagine that. I couldn't hold it in anymore. "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!" She just kept pushing and pushing and nagging and nagging and shouting at me and arguing with me and telling me not to get pissed over such small things. I choked her. I choked my own fucking mother and shoved her into the hallway and out of my room. I punched the glass of the cupboard in the hallway. I just smashed a can of Pringles and now they're scattered in pieces all over the room. I just lost it.

I'm still in shock. I just heard my mom knocking on the door gently and calling out my name, all nice, like nothing had happened.

I think I'm slowly losing it. I'm going crazy. I was afraid something like this would happen one day. It's a step closer to killing them.

I'm going to go out and get drunk tonight. Fuck them and their rules.


Edited by concerned_husky (06/19/14 02:31 PM)
Edit Reason: Added trigger warning.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.

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#466778 - 06/19/14 08:35 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 601
Now I heard my dad's voice. He got home before I could get out of the house. Perfect. Shit just keeps getting better and better.
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.

Top
#466779 - 06/19/14 08:37 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
What's done is done. All you can do is try to make the right choices moving forward.

((((Husky))))

Sorry you are going through such a rough time. Try and find a place to calm down and where you can get some support at the same time to work out what you need to do.


Edited by Rich1967 (06/19/14 10:11 AM)
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

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#466780 - 06/19/14 09:43 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 302
((((((Husky))))
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#466781 - 06/19/14 09:58 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 804
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Husky,

Sending you love and support, and hoping you can find the time and space you need to figure out how to keep yourself safe.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#466782 - 06/19/14 10:04 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 601
Smoking now. Drinking coffee. Just wrote down everything that happened in my journal. Standard protocol. I have to see my dad in half an hour for a drink. Fixing the cracks in my mask so I can go back to being "normal" (i.e. blame everything on myself, or on anything but my family).

Thanks for the immediate support guys. Tonight will be rough.


Edited by concerned_husky (06/19/14 10:10 AM)
_________________________
Husky

My Story

Growing up isn't about losing innocence - it's about learning how to keep it in a cold and unforgiving world.

Top
#466783 - 06/19/14 10:11 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
Rich1967 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/17/13
Posts: 289
Loc: PA
There's a time and place for things and right now may be the time to just keep the peace. As you are talking with him see if you can focus on the path the doesn't hurt you anymore than they already do and can stabilize the situation so you can make decisions removed from the heat of the moment.

Good luck.

((((Husky))))


Edited by Rich1967 (06/19/14 10:11 AM)
_________________________
Rich

"Me too" - I don't think I will ever get tired of saying or hearing these two words.

My Story:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=441625#Post441625

Top
#466784 - 06/19/14 10:46 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
trytry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/13
Posts: 36
Loc: Wisconsin
Hang in there man.

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#466785 - 06/19/14 11:28 AM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 788
Loc: michigan
((( husky)))) I am so sorry you are in such a difficult place man i really have no sage advice to give you. I TOTALLY wish i did. I do think though that being summoned to "have a Drink" is perpetuating an illusion of theirs. it seems that as a grown man you have the option to go or not, to do or not. I know its not that easy I havent gone to see my father in months largely because it is just so damn difficult, when I get around him I become that scared little boy again. in any event man try to not let the guilt push you too hard. what is happening happens on two sides they have a part in it as well. she needs to learn to leave you alone when you say leave me alone. I so hope it gets better soon man
Jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#466786 - 06/19/14 12:00 PM Re: I Just Blew Up... [Re: concerned_husky]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 270
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
Thinking of you Husky, sending you love and support from over the pond.

((((husky))))

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