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#466649 - 06/15/14 04:23 PM How the son of a perp survives Father's Day
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 929
Loc: southern California
This day has always kinda repulsed me. Still kinda does. It was this holiday Sunday my mother made us kids hug and kiss the monster who was raping us with his friend on weekends and mercilessly beating us through the week. He is a hypocrite, a bigot, and a very very sick-minded monster.

But he is powerless. He cannot change me or influence me. I won't allow him that honor.

I enjoy reading about good fathers. Good fathers like the guys here on MS who talk about the good memories you're creating with your sons and daughters.

I enjoy knowing good fathers like the friends I have who put their wives and children before everyone else. I enjoy seeing fathers who take their children to ballgames, and school talent shows, and bike rides, and to the beach.

I know fathers who bring their children along on Saturday errands and habitually "just happen to be diverted" to a Baskin Robbins on the way back home. I know fathers who teach their children instead of mock them when they've yet to learn something new. I know fathers who speak respectfully to their children and ask permission before touching them to straighten their trousers or clean them up in the restroom.

I relish seeing fathers who treat their children like fellow human beings worthy of respect, and love, and individuality. They laugh together, they play together, they work together. These fathers are the one who shelters and protects his children rather than being the one from whom his children must be protected.

I had none of this in my father, which is why I draw so much healing and comfort from seeing it in other fathers.

To all of you survivors who have found your way to be good fathers, Happy, Happy Father's Day to you.

You make it a happy day for me as well.

Happy Father's Day, guys.
_________________________
Keith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#466653 - 06/15/14 07:38 PM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 579
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Writer Keith,

Son of a perp here, too.

And, to all you guys who take your own experience and still show love and respect to your own children, Happy Father's Day.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#466659 - 06/15/14 11:22 PM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
Son of a perp here to

James

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#466667 - 06/16/14 07:29 AM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 162
Loc: Southeast US
Hi Writer Keith,
I accept your wishes for a Happy Father's Day with thanks. My own father was not a perp, but I've often felt his attitude toward me helped a lot to put me in a position where I was sexually abused.

If anything at all good can come from CSA it would be to serve as a reminder of how to treat your own children. I've always been very affectionate with my two sons (they told me way too affectionate when they were teens). But I wanted then to know they were important as human beings and were loved no matter what they did or the life they chose. Whenever I think, "Oh I really messed up a lot of times in raising them" I can look at their lives now and be pleased at how they turned out, and how they are dealing with their own families.

It seems as if you've dealt with your own early abuse by your father in a very positive way, and you are to be commended. Good luck, and best wishes as you, like me, continue on the road to recovery.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#466836 - 06/20/14 05:29 PM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3028
Loc: O Kanada
as a devoted and dedicated father of three children (now teens) i was very proud to attend my oldest daughter's graduation this year. wow!

i swore i would break the family tradition and treat my kids they way i should have been. i put their health and welfare at the top of my priority list, above my own needs. i made my duty into my desire.

it has been a great success.

i have now had the privilege of having experienced three happy childhoods, which has completely cancelled my own crappy memory.

i had to severely limit and closely supervise any contact between my children and my parents. they have never met many of them, and there is a good reason for that. i had to stop the cycle of abuse, and in many cases that meant blowing the whistle on family secrets. that did not make me very popular or welcome.

good riddance.

thank you for you warm wishes.
i am proud of my role as father.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#466837 - 06/20/14 06:23 PM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: victor-victim]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 929
Loc: southern California
That is VERY cool. Happy Father's Day...now and every single day!
_________________________
Keith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#466838 - 06/20/14 06:26 PM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 929
Loc: southern California
Bluedogone,

A great response, and a powerful argument against the fallacy that "victims become perps."

MaleSurvivor Dads rock!
_________________________
Keith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#466855 - 06/21/14 05:25 AM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3028
Loc: O Kanada
how odd you should say that
Originally Posted By: WriterKeith
That is VERY cool. Happy Father's Day...now and every single day!


i tell my kids all the time, "every day is father's day!"

they don't need to worry about buying a card once a year.
it's enough to have them near.
and they know i'm always here.

this thread has really cheered me up smile for the last few days.
made me think.

thanks again.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#466862 - 06/21/14 09:09 AM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
sorryson Offline


Registered: 05/31/14
Posts: 31
I think my Dad thought this way even though I was never there for him. He never expected a card or thank you, he just did. I was so blinded I ignored him. I believe Dad never expected anything from us, he wanted us to be happy. This helps me to believe he loved me even though I treated him poorly.

Victor I can hear my Dad saying your words don't need to worry about buying a card once a year and then he probably was saying, I only want you to be happy and well all year long.

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#466896 - 06/22/14 07:55 PM Re: How the son of a perp survives Father's Day [Re: WriterKeith]
WriterKeith Online   embarrased
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 929
Loc: southern California
LOL.. yea, seems I've had "Odd" stamped on my forehead in one form or another from the day I was born. crazy

When I was a kid it was a bad attribute; as an adult, I've been respected for it. Go figure. smile
_________________________
Keith
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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