Newest Members
Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss, JW1230
12363 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
40035 (55), Brayton (60), DavidJ (65), Grout (29), JJM33 (43), RockyMtJoe (66)
Who's Online
3 registered (GT13568, 86, 1 invisible), 20 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12363 Members
74 Forums
63535 Topics
443894 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#466435 - 06/10/14 07:47 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6411
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Pete,

I'm in the same boat. Overtly masculine (as in "check out my manly demeanor") freaks me out and I do whatever I can to get out of the area. Then there's those men who are just seeming to be 'naturally aggressive.' Can't handle being near them at all.

It does not help that I Still can't call myself "a man." I'm not and never have been capable of that.
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#466445 - 06/10/14 09:39 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Still, I know exactly how you feel. At one point I was drawn towards these men but it was by guilt as I was in a low that the guilt had me feeling like I was a "bad" victim and I was drawn into re-victimizing myself by exposing my weakness to a man like this and wanting him to treat me like dirt to act out being the victim the perps wanted me to be and in a twisted, sick kind of way the guilt was being fed and aroused by this and sort of getting me off but only the guilt, the rest of me was terrified like that 11 year old boy and was just ignoring it and blocking it out rather than stand up to the guilt and myself and saying NO, I will not be subjected to this anymore. I am stronger now but at the same time terrified of these type of men, which in one way or another I find the majority of men to be and I just don't have the sanity and strength to find those men that aren't and then of those men, avoid the ones that want to try to develop some form of a "relationship" with me, I want nothing romantic or emotional with ANY man, just purely sexual and fun, no strings attached and not only if my wife participates, that is a strings attached condition. It seems like I am chasing something that will most likely never happen. I have come across a few that want to masturbate on webcam but just not the same.
I feel so "inadequate" at times and like I am a disappointment to most people, I am even to the point that I can't work, hell I can't handle being in public for more than a couple hours before I get so damn nervous and I don't want to resort to what I did as a teen and young adult which was to find somewhere discrete and masturbate to overcome or release this tension and I kind of feel now like I am wrong in doing so. My wife assures me that if I get that worried that she is ok with it, like I have her blessing and it helps, we do vary a bit at night and I masturbate now and she loves watching but I still have issues of "in the moment" but still feel the urge to, like that was a part of me and I want to reconnect with it because I never did it in a risky way and found nothing wrong with it, just relief.

Top
#466459 - 06/10/14 07:14 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6411
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
This all just universally sucks! But we are stuck with ourselves.

BTW: Life made us this way. No 11-yo decided to have that sort of exposure. Things don't just "happen" in a vacuum (as my T says). 11-yos don't just come up with such ideas and paths.

They set their own rules for altering our lives for their own selfish agendae. WE get to set good rules for healing ourselves.

Be very very thankful for your wife too!
_________________________
Wishing You Were Here!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

Top
#466686 - 06/16/14 03:19 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 32
Loc: Australia
I have a fear of men in authority positions. I've had a number of times I have been pulled up by a police officer, and even though I have done nothing wrong, I'll just be trembling and having a mild anxiety attack, wanting to run.

I just don't trust anyone. There have been maybe five exceptions, all women, and only barely hanging onto to one of those due to what my abuser created.

As for people I associate with, it's almost pure instinct. After a few seconds, I'll know whether I should be acquaintances, or simply avoid them. If they do anything to offend or upset me down the line, I cut them lose.

Sort of rambling off topic, but there is no way I would ever trust a man concerning my CSA.

Top
#466725 - 06/17/14 01:32 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: frankie72]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6865
Loc: USA
For several years after I remembered the abuse I sustained as a child, I had a significant fear of men's hands. What had men's hands done to me as a child?

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (06/17/14 04:14 PM)

Top
#466730 - 06/17/14 05:53 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
My big issues are hairy men, chest and especially pubic area, pushy, bossy, aggressive and arrogant men and being alone with any man that has any type of authority or power over me, goes for women as well but mainly men. And to add to the complication is that I know I am bisexual, well at least you could say I have a penis fixation and I really enjoy giving oral but hate a man telling me what to do.

Top
#466894 - 06/22/14 05:26 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 199
Loc: Southeast US
My big issue with men also is those with authority or power over me. They basically scare me or make me so uncomfortable I want to escape. I don't know if it's a feeling of inadequacy because of the emotional response I had from those who abused me, or a distrust of men in general. The two or three times I was fortunate enough to have men I considered as friends they did something to completely destroy the friendship or any hope of ever being friends again. Whether it was because my fear of authoritarian men somehow caused these guys to act like they did, I don't know. Although my father wasn't sexually abusive, I think my fear has it's roots in my relationship with him.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

Top
#467084 - 06/28/14 10:10 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I hate having any man have any power or authority over me and I don't want that kind of "power" bestowed upon me either, I fear of becoming the kind of man I fear and hate and it shows in my fear of girls and women growing up past the abuse because I was extremely sexually aroused but feared showing that would turn me into the man I didn't want to be. I realize now I was way too hard on myself and could never be the @$$hole that I didn't want to become. But it also made me hide my sexual interest in guys that were gay or bi, I find these men to truly be unbiased and I admire them for having the strength and courage to openly be who they are. But mainly it's a penis fixation that I have. So many years of masturbating I guess...lol

Top
#467088 - 06/28/14 11:36 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 199
Loc: Southeast US
Pete,

You've made an excellent point that I never considered, but it so resonated with me. I too hate overly aggressive men, or power hungry guys, but never considered that type is exactly what I don't want to be, and the reason is so obvious - I don't like them so naturally I hate being in a position of power or authority.

A penis fixation is a strange thing, you can't just eliminate the power or authoritarian type. If excessive masturbation is the cause, I'll have to plead guilty...lol
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

Top
#467109 - 06/30/14 12:48 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 610
Loc: VA
When I was a kid I was afraid of adult men. My dad died when I was 3, and I grew up with only female family members. Then there was the Little Summer Camp of Horrors a few years later...

Only when the flashbacks started did I realize why I was afraid of grown men and even bigger boys. It's probably all part of the "inadequacy" syndrome.

John

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.