for someone who has trouble getting it all out in words, you certainly nailed that one. everything you said is 100% dead on the money!
charlie, you've reminded us adults that we have a difficult balancing act to achieve. On one had, you're not a kid: you're smart, articulate and worthy of having an important conversation with. Your opinion is valued and your voice is heard.
However, as you've just made us painfully aware, you're not an adult either. You still need to be protected and held and loved.
we're here to listen to you, man. You've got a captive audience because I for one am always interested in what you write here. A part of me still feels like a kid, and you make me realize exactly what that means: respect him and protect him.
But you aren't alone. Lots of us here, even the good writers, have a hard time forming these feelings into words. How can there be words to describe some of these things we feel?
It has been said that the Inuit (the Alaskan and Canadian natives that we once called Eskimos) had 400 words for types of snow, since they live in and around snow all their lives. This, it turns out, isn't so true and that they only have about a dozen words for snow. But how many words do you think they have for going to the beach? Probably zero. If you drop an Inuit off at Daytona Beach, he's going to have trouble explaining what he sees and feels. What's this? Sand? Girls in bikinis? Warm water? Volleyball?
My point is we are all members of an unfortunately fraternity that lacks the languange to fully describe how we feel. Our society never anticipated us needing to explain the overwhelming feelings of fear and self-doubt that some of us here, young and old, are constantly wracked by.
But the good news is, Charlie, you're not alone. You're not even the only smart teen here. Have you met DemonBoi? You guys have a lot in common, I think. And you're older than he. He could use some help from you, I think. You're not an adult, but at 14 years and nine months, you're on your way.
And when things get too hard to take: look aroud the beach and find the other guys wearing fur coats and holding harpoons. We're as confused as you are.
"There is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces... even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar." -- from Moby-Dick