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#466665 - 06/16/14 06:27 AM Unhappy, tired, when to divorce?
wifenneed Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/20/02
Posts: 91
Loc: Michigan
I have not posted in this forum for over 10 years. I have been married for 12 and feel lik ethings have only gotten worse instead of better.

Husband had counseling well over 20 yerars ago,for repeated childhood sexual abuse from ages 7 to 10 by a male, that is all I know about his perp. I have gently encouraged him to perhaps go back to counseling, as he is getting more withdrawn, irritated and angry and easily provoked into silence than ever, this is going on 12 years now.

WHen do I give up? I try and try and try to be supportive,and always there for him. I feel like a doormat and just plain old invisible most of the time.

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#466675 - 06/16/14 11:31 AM Re: Unhappy, tired, when to divorce? [Re: wifenneed]
sugarbaby Offline


Registered: 08/17/08
Posts: 377
Have you gone to any counseling for you? That may help you sort things out.

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#466695 - 06/16/14 09:23 PM Re: Unhappy, tired, when to divorce? [Re: wifenneed]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
I have the same question - have you gone to therapy together? We need to work on ourselves, but our relationships deserve support too.

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#466767 - 06/19/14 12:14 AM Re: Unhappy, tired, when to divorce? [Re: wifenneed]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 263
Loc: us
when to divorce is a question only you know the answer to. I'm kind of in a similar boat myself with that one. I think getting some counseling for yourself may help you work through things and figure out what you need to do.
I do have one piece of advice and perhaps you have done this already. I would clearly tell your H how you are feeling and that he needs help period. Tell him you are exhausted and frustrated and that you are tired of his behavior. He may not change anything but he deserves to know what's on your mind and what you need to feel happy.
_________________________
Everything comes from within

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#466787 - 06/19/14 12:13 PM Re: Unhappy, tired, when to divorce? [Re: wifenneed]
tbkkfile Offline


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 286
Loc: Surrey, United Kingdom
HD has a very valid point, gentle didn't work with me, it was only when my wife told me in no uncertain terms what it was doing to her, our marriage and our life together and what the Consequences or my actions were going to be that I realised what I'd been doing. It's really hard and she reminds me when I'm falling back into my old ways but these are becoming less and less over time.

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#466809 - 06/19/14 09:24 PM Re: Unhappy, tired, when to divorce? [Re: wifenneed]
Esposa Offline
F&F Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 728
Loc: NJ
Gentle didn't work over here either.

But as my own boundaries became firm, the question was less "when to divorce" or more "Does this work for me?" "I this what I want."

When we start communicating our needs and setting boundaries that guide and shape our own lives, people either join or go. Its the natural progression of things....

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