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#466310 - 06/06/14 08:50 PM B, accident, dissociation and stuff
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 304
Suppose there should be a triggerwarning in here - so here it is: triggerwarning

I'm trying to collect my thoughts and make some kind of sense, so bear with me. I have been mostly out of it this week.
B has been getting on my nerves lately. He probably thinks he can do whatever now that the police says they dont think they can make a case against him.
I've not been out of the house much because of this but i had no choice monday so i went out, work first, some other errands and went home well tried to anyways. I thought i had made it byut nooo of course not i dont really remember what happened except bits and pieces wich tell me enough. I was so out of it i dont even remember getting hit by a car but do remember waking up in the hospital - not much bad damage just annoying, like bruises and cuts and overal sore feeling and i broke my leg in two places wich now has a temporary pin in it to help heal it. I just got home today actually and what does my mother do? She yells at me that she's not going to pamper me and that she's going out and to keep my paws of the oven dish she made and the booze in the fridge. Well. Ok then. The police has been annoying me with a 100 questions a day and though i thnk i sort of admitted that B has been troubling me again, i dont know for sure what i said or didnt say. The 'fog' has only just started to clear abit now i suppose. The police did say they will come up with some plan of protection or maybe they did alread i dont know. Sometimes i dont know wheter i dreamed a conversation or if it was real. Sometimes i dont even know where i am. I dont even remember if this helps build a stronger case for me. If they arrested him or even questioned him. Sometimes its all i can think of and then i cant care less. I'm just so tired.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#466492 - 06/11/14 04:59 PM Re: B, accident, dissociation and stuff [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 304
So B. is in jail they think they finally have some reall prove against him as appereantly i admitted to some of it in the hospital and they did that god i hate that word r/kit, so there is some physical evidence. I suppose they didnt count on something like this to happen so they didnt make sure it would be all gone..
So that's good.. right.. Should be relieved or something.. Nope..
I don't know what to do with myself, i want to talk about it but i dont, I'm getting restless already now i can't go out for a run, not even on the treadmill thats gathering dust in the attic.
I feel like I've been in a trainwreck both mentally and physically but i just dont know how to fix it.
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#466493 - 06/11/14 05:24 PM Re: B, accident, dissociation and stuff [Re: Sven]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 812
Loc: michigan
hey bud
start by breathing man ... long deep breaths what has happened is not your fault. you never betrayed anyone. you never had a choice in what has happened. you didn't bring it on in any way. if he is in jail then that is a good thing. you have no doubt saved many young boys from a world of pain. though that may be small consolation. one thing you may consider is that this thing was never yours to fix. From your stories it seems that your whole life was a forced encounter, nothing you ever got to choose. now you have some choices and THAT can be terrifying. to go from having NO control to having it all on you. but that is what should have been from the beginning. it may seem too much right now so talk to those who are safe, talk to people who can help, try to find ways to defeat the shame man (it was never yours) you deserve EVERYTHING that can be man and you can receive it. I hope that happens soon
Jeff
_________________________
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.
Philip Sidney

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#466831 - 06/20/14 01:48 PM Re: B, accident, dissociation and stuff [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 304
Waahwah looks like the loaner backup laptop i spended 60 euros on finally died. Or at least it just turned of all of a sudden and hasn't started back up.. So far. Hoping to get the new laptop I ordered tomorrow though. *crossing fingers*

Also have been offered by my best friends parents to stay at their place for a while. They don't know my story but they do know I don't get along with my parents and that my father is an alcoholic and currently in jail. So... I suppose they noticed I haven't bern doing so well, this past half year especially.
I'm not sure what to think of it though.
Joining them on holiday or staying over for the night is one thing but this is huge..
They told me to think about it and that the offer is always open no matter what I decide now. It has made my head spin and well like i said, I'm just not sure what to think.

*Edit Laptop works again... For now hah
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#466843 - 06/20/14 07:24 PM Re: B, accident, dissociation and stuff [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 820
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Sending you love and support, Sven. Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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