I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad for you to have been able to take the brave step of joining us here at MS.
You say you are unsure of how the abuse you suffered has affected your life, and yet you go on to describe acting out, addiction, and physical pain you have experienced.
I don't say this to criticize or judge, as I have the same lack of awareness of the magnitude of the effects as well.
This I see as part of the work I need to do.
Awareness, of all this and awareness or presence in general are good things to practice.
As for a connection between your addiction and the abuse you suffered, I will relay the history of a councilor that participated in a workshop I attended last weekend.
She described her early career as an addiction councilor, and discovered that a large majority of her clients had also suffered childhood sexual abuse.
Anecdotal perhaps, but likely very telling.
Drug and or alcohol abuse may be used a means to numb ourselves, so we do not have to deal with the pain, emotional or otherwise.
And yes, you have found somewhere where you will be and are understood.
Welcome, take your time, and when you're ready speak your truth.
The MS community will be here to support you in whatever way we can.
Take care, and keep well.
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.
Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)
But you can call me Kevin
Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014