Newest Members
tammy m, TheConqueror, Bloom, JohnWC, KKumar
12423 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
biggbill70 (44), CP4 (24), EddieMi (46), EddieT (46), hemi1024 (54), Kage (70), kdj_74 (40), Knightswhitehart (49), otlhouston (47), TX_Space (47), VirtualBman (50)
Who's Online
2 registered (Scott1962, 1 invisible), 26 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12423 Members
74 Forums
63799 Topics
445511 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#466046 - 05/31/14 08:28 AM mom's passing and reflection
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
It has been a rough couple of weeks. Watching my mom in her final days in the hospital, her passing on Sunday, to her funeral on Thursday.

my brother gave a very powerful eulogy. One of the things that he spoke about that really hit me was when he was talking about how much influence she had made in so many lives.

I know this is also what I want to accomplish. I wanted to touch many lives in a positive way. I then thought about how many people I have unintentionally hurt. How I tried to help non-survivors understand how deep and damaging our pain goes only to be told to " get over it ". I look at myself and how I have even let myself down in not focusing much on me either.

I feel like a failure. I feel like I haven't helped any of my survivor brothers, my non-survivor friends, not even me. Makes me feel like there is going to be a lot of people at my funeral just to spit on my grave.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#466048 - 05/31/14 08:54 AM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3451
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Obi -

i am truly sorry for your loss.

but you are wrong about not having helped anyone.
when i first started participating here, your name and avatar was one of the first and most recognizable that i saw.
i appreciate your contributions on MS and thank you for being here.

(((((((Obi)))))))
- from lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#466049 - 05/31/14 09:29 AM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 151
Loc: Chicago
Hi, Obi. I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mother sounded like a wonderful lady! While we have not really communicated, Lee is correct. You are a constant presence here! You have written/commented on 1,258 posts! You share of yourself to not only help yourself but for so many others on this site. You have helped so many here, so don't feel that your efforts are wasted, irrelevant or ignored.

I wish you much peace during your loss. Take care!

-Nick

Top
#466051 - 05/31/14 11:41 AM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, brother.

You know you have made a positive impact on other people's lives, mine not the least. Those nonsurvivors who didn't really listen to you and then told you to "get over it" are not worth your efforts, buddy. If you want to help others, focus on your survivor brethren. We appreciate help from a survivor-brother, and there are MANY men here who are grateful for the help you've given. smile

You're a pioneer, Todd. You were telling your story before the Oprah show and Tyler Perry and all those others. Back when it was even harder for a man to admit he was abused. Your presence here helped other survivors to share their stories and not feel so alone. If you think that doesn't seem like a lot, remember back to how you felt before you shared your story. The pain, the fear, the loneliness. Then remember how many men you've let come to you and listened to their abuse stories - and the acceptance, compassion, and brotherly love you gave them. You FEEL like a failure right now, Todd. But you're NOT. You have been a BIG help to MANY men, which makes you a SUCCESS. smile

You haven't let yourself down. You just haven't had as much opportunity to focus on yourself recently. Try again. Tackle your issues one at a time, as you are able. Try not to focus so much on end results. Remember healing is a process, not a step.

I hope this helps you, brother. You have helped me SO much, much more than you know.

I'm very sorry about your mom. I bet she was a great woman. frown

Love, now and always,

Your brother Bobcat
_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Top
#466056 - 05/31/14 12:23 PM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
{{{{{ Obi }}}}}

I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother, but I am still at a loss for words to express what I wanted to say in the last few weeks of her life. YOU took the time to help me through that loss because I didn't have the ability to express words of compassion in what it means to lose a parent that YOU loved. YOU actually took the time to help me through YOUR loss.

I have seen YOUR compassion and kindness over the last few years since I know YOU, going out of YOUR way to help others. I know for a fact that YOU bring people into YOUR heart whether physically or through YOUR presence here on MS and I'm sure that goes for anyone YOU know including non survivors. When someone can be so kind, as YOU are here, YOU are kind all over.

I would have very much liked to hear what YOUR brother said of a loving parent in his eulogy for YOUR mother. How many people YOUR mother touched with her kindness. That kindness has certainly been passed on to YOU.

I didn't want to continue in the same paragraph mentioning my mother with yours since my mother has never touched anyone she knew aside from hate, selfishness, self centered bitching and of course me with my father's belt.

You took YOUR time to help me through YOUR loss. Again I am at a loss for words on how to express my feelings on how to thank you for taking YOUR time, during such a difficult time, to explain to me how YOU understand what I wanted to say. THANK YOU {{{{{ YOU }}}}}.

Quote:
I know this is also what I want to accomplish. I wanted to touch many lives in a positive way.
YOU already have and should have written here how many more lives YOU want to touch in a positive way. Again I'm at a loss for words in how to thank YOU for all the time YOU have spent over the years helping me through all my crap. I have learned what it means to have a heart.

{{{{{{{{{{ cry }}}}}}}}}} . Damn I'm sorry for YOUR loss.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

Top
#466086 - 06/01/14 01:57 PM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
Obi-

I extend my condolences also. Like the others, I just wanted you to know that you have touched me as well and I thank you so very much.

Please be gentle with yourself. You are a wonderfully special spirit in this world.

b
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



Top
#466121 - 06/02/14 05:26 PM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1715
Obi

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am sorry for the loss of your mother. I know cannot replace her but hopefully time will allow you remember the good times and not the last days. I too watched my mother linger for 13 days in a non-responsive state. Time fades these memories.

I am glad your brother gave a wonderful eulogy.

Take care of yourself.

Kevin

Top
#466123 - 06/02/14 05:45 PM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1342
Loc: kansas
Thanks everyone for the replies.

pioneer....

well, I do believe that we are trailblazers for the guys who haven't started on their recovery journeys yet.

I, however, sometimes don't like being the one to be beaten down, treated like crap by society, even separated amongst survivors, all in the name of being a pioneer.

I know that is my role. I know that is what I was meant to do. I know that is why I suffered through the abuse as a kid and through the torment of societies misguided beliefs. This is my role. A painful one, but the one I must lead.

but it is also one that I feel I am failing in.

I've failed you fellow survivors. I've failed me.
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

Top
#466124 - 06/02/14 06:46 PM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 770
Loc: michigan
hey obi
I just want to say to you that I can not speak for anyone else here but I felt that you helped me a great deal when I first arrived here at ms. your influence along with other guys here gave me courage to begin to move forward with sharing about my abuse (I swore I never would) into attending WoR, (I swore I never would) and beginning therapy which I knew beyond any reason that I could never do. I was so terrified of who and what I was what all the things going on in my life meant. I know that MS is not therapy but to find people like you who were open to share and be real allowed me to do the same... well mostly smile but I am getting there. just thought I would share that
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

Top
#466134 - 06/02/14 08:55 PM Re: mom's passing and reflection [Re: Obi]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1227
Loc: New York
Hey {{{{{ Obi }}}}}

HORSESHIT. you were talking about that with me last night. We were talking about how I could not see my own improvements or the help I give to others but you do. The same goes for you, you just cannot see the help and hope you give to others out of the kindness of your heart. You were one of the first guys that I met here on MS and you have been a tremendous help to me and another guy we both know. So you have failed nobody at all. What's the old saying, that if you save one person it's like saving the world? I'm probably one of those people who might not be here today if not for you.

I love you with my whole heart and I can't even think on how to thank you, so please be easy on yourself. You're doing fine GREAT in my book.

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff


Edited by lapchinj (06/02/14 10:30 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.