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#464785 - 04/29/14 09:57 PM Dirty and Manipulative
BusterJones Offline

Registered: 04/19/14
Posts: 2
I started have sex with a bisexual after a bad breakup because I hated myself. I'm not gay but I just felt so shitty about myself. It reminded me of when I went inside my own head when my mother used to yell at me or tell me that God was watching me masturbate. I felt dirty and wrong. Its like I was addicted to feeling dirty and wrong. I just want to be normal again without all of this baggage. Without the messages about sex that my mother and the church would pump into my head. How do people get away with ruining our self worth like this? Its so hard to build it back up.

#464876 - 05/01/14 09:28 PM Re: Dirty and Manipulative [Re: BusterJones]
Jude Offline

Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1633
Loc: New England
First of all, welcome to MS Buster. You are right out of the gate asking some good questions. Personally I don't think its much of an issue who you choose to have sex with. There are all kinds of sex you can have with all kinds of people. Sex may be healthy and mutually pleasureable.

But if you are finding that the sex you're having causes you to feel dirty, wrong, and to hate yourself, theres probably something wrong there. There are lots of twisted messages about sex out there, and they don't all come from religion. Porn tells us that unless we have the bodies of Atlas and a firehose between our legs that we are sexual failures. Women tell us that we have to make good money, have hot bodies, stable lives, and know how to make them scream with pleasure.....when THEY feel like it.

How do you find your way to a healthy sexuality amid all the crap you've been fed? I don't think there's a simple answer. But I think it starts with changing certain beliefs about yourself. "I am dirty, ugly, stained, damaged goods, messed up, worthless, disgusting, and a peice of crap." (Did I miss anything?) Those are all things I've believed without question for years. I am working hard on cutting myself some slack, and taking a chance on believing something different about me. What have I got to lose? What have you got to lose?

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Sarah McLachlan

#465854 - 05/27/14 10:45 AM Re: Dirty and Manipulative [Re: BusterJones]
1lifenow Offline

Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 436
Loc: west coast
Welcome Buster Jones

Its not a quick arc to change the overarching way your brain has been modified, but the GOOD NEWS is it absolutely can be done. This is a good place to start.

Whether you are sty, bi , gay , transgender or anywhere along that spectrum, sexuality is something our bodies and our brain can't help but enjoy. Its only when the well has has been poisoned that sex and love are bitter. Purge the well and the waters flow clear.

Be well
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011


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