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#465773 - 05/25/14 10:44 AM Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men?
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I have had serious trust issues with everyone, men and women since I was 11 but now it is really more focused towards men, particularly straight, masculine men, especially if they give off a homophobic vibe. I can be at many times comfortable around and chatting with bisexual and gay men but have recently found that I CAN NOT directly speak to ANY man about abuse, it just triggers too much and stirs up so much hate, even more so since a man did my criminal injuries review and did a shit job reviewing it making numerous errors and wrong impressions starting right in the first paragraph where he refers to the first monster who abused me as a "family friend" even though he further goes on to acknowledge that we never met before and I did not know him. It just felt like he drove a nail in my heart being so insensitive and dare I say stupid with his remarks, going so far as suggesting that I wanted to be abused the second time, I never consented but I didn't fight him off because I froze up like a scared child and I complied with his demands to avoid being hurt. The 18 year old me wasn't at all present, I was purely the scared shitless little boy trying to force myself to do what he said so he wouldn't hurt me or tell anyone else and this MAN turned it into me wanting to explore with a man, me never having had sex at all at that point, and complying purely so he would give me the job, a job I made clear in my victim impact statement that I didn't want. Fuck I hate men right now!. Sorry for that remark.

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#465774 - 05/25/14 10:49 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
And to make it worse and confusing is that I have a sexual attraction to men but purely physical, I fear any kind of emotional or intimate connection, just sex.

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#465777 - 05/25/14 01:25 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I think so to a degree.

The most important man not to hate is yourself.

In my CSA, it was my first sexual experience, it wasn't always bad. Sometimes I was blown and my body responded to the stimulation. Sometimes I was forced to suck a 15 year old and he enjoyed choking me with it, then let me breathe, then shove it own my thread again.

So yes, there was some SSA from initial experiences and some hatred. But I felt guilty for my abuse because I responded to being sucked. I felt like I deserved it or must have liked it, so I got what I deserved.

That was the poison that corrupted my thinking for years.

I shared my abuse with a few women. They were very understanding and helpful. It happens to them very often.

Understanding we were taken advantage of is critical. All men are not child molesters.

Sharing it has helped me. This site helps. I was sick when I first typed about my abuse. But we are recovering together here. We are not unique in our pain and our progress out of it.

Don't give up on yourself. You can get better. It can happen.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#465778 - 05/25/14 02:08 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 150
Loc: Chicago
After my abuse ended at age 12, I had severe trust issues with men. I felt that since my brother in law could do that to me, who else can do that? Therefore, I did not trust my own father, my brothers, male teachers at elementary school, etc.

For me this sense of distrust lasted about a year after my abuse ended. I never told anyone about my male trust issues. I basically "talked it out of me." Meaning that I would use positive reinforcement to start trusting men again. For example, I would constantly tell myself that my father and brothers were good men who love me, that they will not hurt me and I will be treated with respect by them. I reminded my self that there WAS NO EVIDENCE IN THE PAST that these men violated me. So what I would do is spend some time with them. Then, I would back off contact and evaluate my time. I would give myself encouragement and praise myself for trusting close men in my life again. I guess you could call it "occupational therapy" on an emotional level.

Bottom line - I will always tell myself that one scumbag will not ruin my views on all men. It was a very hard process, but I was able to restore my trust in men that were in my life. Good luck!

-Nick

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#465837 - 05/27/14 07:42 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
George Offline
Member

Registered: 01/29/01
Posts: 120
Loc: NY metro
Pete1973, I'm sure most if not all of us have some of those feelings around other men a lot. I might have labeled what I felt as hate of other men early on, but for me it was not the other men themselves, but for being everything I (seemingly)wasn't.

For me it began early as a kid when my Mom died when I was five, I felt like a freak that I didn't have a Mom anymore and all the family chaos around that. Throw in the ongoing sexual abuse starting at around 9, I totally zoned out of school even. Seeing other kids, especially other boys seemingly so normal all around me was a constant reminder of how fucked up I & my life was, how I was everything they weren't & vice versa. I had such a low sense of esteem & masculinity, I felt that I was anything but a boy or later a man. Being around other men now sometimes I still feel like the odd man out. I have to make a conscious effort to fit in, after so many decades of "hiding in plain site". I have to remember that I've been through what they haven't been through (although some of them may be hurting like us too), and that I've survived, maybe with some scares, but doing pretty fricken ok for what I've been through.

So for me, it turned out in the end it wasn't hate of others, it was that they were a constant reminder of what I was wasn't.
I would label it more jealousy & envy, which in turn fed into my ssa as well.

I had to get over constantly beating myself up, appreciate my accomplishments, forgive & nurture myself.

The guy who wrote your statement was an insensitive idiot, sorry you have to deal with that ontop of everything else. His job should be picking up dog shit in parks, verses dealing with people & sensitive issues.

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#465946 - 05/29/14 12:36 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 297
yeap, pretty normal, makes sense no? you should be alert around those who harmed you, but still it's pretty easy to deal with absolutes, like On the fringe said, it is important that you don't hate yourself, i think in general there is a rape culture around sex and men, otherwise why would it be so prevalent now a days. Stay safe and sending you my best.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#466330 - 06/07/14 09:35 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
PMGNT Offline


Registered: 05/24/14
Posts: 20
Loc: Eastern USA
I have serious hatred stuff inside me, toward women, and my abuser was a woman. I think it's the same principle, the same thing happening.

Pretty understandable, isn't it?

It's not like it was OUR idea to feel this way.

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#466338 - 06/07/14 04:44 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
I was afraid of grown men when I was a kid (i.e., up to age 18 or so). Since then, all I feel is inadequate and unreal. From what I've read on male survivor symptoms, all this is commonplace.

John

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#466394 - 06/09/14 10:52 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1350
Trust your distrust. Trust your own sense of who deserves your trust. If someone gives you that strange icky sense - the forced, plastic smile, the eyes that want to avert, the sideways glance, the words that speak a truth you want to believe but somehow can't buy...

Trust that.

It doesn't mean you can't trust anyone. It doesn't mean you are cynical or bitter. It means you can stand by yourself. Trust your gut - that's where all trust begins. The gut - even if you can't explain it - is usually uncannily right. That's something that took me FAR too long to learn.
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#466434 - 06/10/14 07:38 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Unhappycamper, I know exactly how you feel, I have always felt like less of a man, and not even the fact that I KNOW I am much more endowed than most men, the fact that I am uncircumcised would make me feel like I wasn't "normal" and I never tried to do something like prove my masculinity amongst other guys by showing off what I had and I was frightened of women until I was 19 and ended up picking up the occasional prostitute for a handjob just to have someone there, such a lonely feeling but surprisingly it was this activity that gave me the ego boost I needed to overcome my fear of women as these women, well most of them, treated me as a "normal guy" not even as a desperate guy using a prostitute to get off and a they all commented on how well endowed I was and how much of a gentleman I was with them, treating them well and not like most men do and I even offered my shirt to one to clean up with so she didn't have to be dropped off "messy".
Now when I tried going to a men's spa a couple of times since opening up about my bisexual curiosity the response I got from the men there was entirely different. I felt more like how these prostitutes described most men, that I was just a piece of meat to them and there for their amusement and to be used however they wanted, just like the way I was treated as a child by my perp. Not saying all men are like that, just that my luck seems to draw me to these men and I am so sick of men treating women like this, never mind how they treated me.
It is so complex and confusing and frustrating, I have what I truly believe is a natural attraction to men, more so penises, but I am frightened by how most men get dominant sexually and I have found that the few men that have been more of what I was looking for were gay and looking for a relationship, not just purely sexual and a relationship and more so a commitment frighten the hell out of me which stems from feeling like I was going to be committed to being the live sex toy of my perps and the second one drove me to attempt committing suicide.
So I have ridden what some call a very slippery slope and then when I got that last response something just snapped.
A small part of me doesn't want to close the door on my sexual interests but the hate and anger is so strong that I fear I will do or say something I don't mean if I try anything more with another man. Hopefully in time and with discussing this with my therapist I can overcome this heightened fear but I am pretty certain that I will never trust any male chauvinistic pig, it was this attitude that I saw in my perps that treated me like less than dirt, it wasn't a bisexual or homosexual act, it was a sick perverted act of dominance that they did to me and my first girlfriend treated me similar as well which drove me to meeting prostitutes.
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against prostitution and if anything it troubles me how so many people stereotype these women, and men for that matter as crack whores and drug addicts, there are many prostitutes and strippers that do it purely for the money to help support their family and some do it for men like myself that are/were just too scared to try to have a "normal" sexual relationship but really wanted and needed that company of another person in a sexual way and these women were a big part of what got me into an 18 year marriage so I have absolutely no regrets about using prostitutes. I don't even like saying that term "using", I would rather say something like "acquiring the company of".

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#466435 - 06/10/14 07:47 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6429
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Pete,

I'm in the same boat. Overtly masculine (as in "check out my manly demeanor") freaks me out and I do whatever I can to get out of the area. Then there's those men who are just seeming to be 'naturally aggressive.' Can't handle being near them at all.

It does not help that I Still can't call myself "a man." I'm not and never have been capable of that.
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#466445 - 06/10/14 09:39 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Still, I know exactly how you feel. At one point I was drawn towards these men but it was by guilt as I was in a low that the guilt had me feeling like I was a "bad" victim and I was drawn into re-victimizing myself by exposing my weakness to a man like this and wanting him to treat me like dirt to act out being the victim the perps wanted me to be and in a twisted, sick kind of way the guilt was being fed and aroused by this and sort of getting me off but only the guilt, the rest of me was terrified like that 11 year old boy and was just ignoring it and blocking it out rather than stand up to the guilt and myself and saying NO, I will not be subjected to this anymore. I am stronger now but at the same time terrified of these type of men, which in one way or another I find the majority of men to be and I just don't have the sanity and strength to find those men that aren't and then of those men, avoid the ones that want to try to develop some form of a "relationship" with me, I want nothing romantic or emotional with ANY man, just purely sexual and fun, no strings attached and not only if my wife participates, that is a strings attached condition. It seems like I am chasing something that will most likely never happen. I have come across a few that want to masturbate on webcam but just not the same.
I feel so "inadequate" at times and like I am a disappointment to most people, I am even to the point that I can't work, hell I can't handle being in public for more than a couple hours before I get so damn nervous and I don't want to resort to what I did as a teen and young adult which was to find somewhere discrete and masturbate to overcome or release this tension and I kind of feel now like I am wrong in doing so. My wife assures me that if I get that worried that she is ok with it, like I have her blessing and it helps, we do vary a bit at night and I masturbate now and she loves watching but I still have issues of "in the moment" but still feel the urge to, like that was a part of me and I want to reconnect with it because I never did it in a risky way and found nothing wrong with it, just relief.

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#466459 - 06/10/14 07:14 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6429
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
This all just universally sucks! But we are stuck with ourselves.

BTW: Life made us this way. No 11-yo decided to have that sort of exposure. Things don't just "happen" in a vacuum (as my T says). 11-yos don't just come up with such ideas and paths.

They set their own rules for altering our lives for their own selfish agendae. WE get to set good rules for healing ourselves.

Be very very thankful for your wife too!
_________________________
This nation has lost its mind!

The Aftermath Video

The Water Buffalo Song

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#466686 - 06/16/14 03:19 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
frankie72 Offline


Registered: 11/23/12
Posts: 32
Loc: Australia
I have a fear of men in authority positions. I've had a number of times I have been pulled up by a police officer, and even though I have done nothing wrong, I'll just be trembling and having a mild anxiety attack, wanting to run.

I just don't trust anyone. There have been maybe five exceptions, all women, and only barely hanging onto to one of those due to what my abuser created.

As for people I associate with, it's almost pure instinct. After a few seconds, I'll know whether I should be acquaintances, or simply avoid them. If they do anything to offend or upset me down the line, I cut them lose.

Sort of rambling off topic, but there is no way I would ever trust a man concerning my CSA.

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#466725 - 06/17/14 01:32 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: frankie72]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6867
Loc: USA
For several years after I remembered the abuse I sustained as a child, I had a significant fear of men's hands. What had men's hands done to me as a child?

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (06/17/14 04:14 PM)

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#466730 - 06/17/14 05:53 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
My big issues are hairy men, chest and especially pubic area, pushy, bossy, aggressive and arrogant men and being alone with any man that has any type of authority or power over me, goes for women as well but mainly men. And to add to the complication is that I know I am bisexual, well at least you could say I have a penis fixation and I really enjoy giving oral but hate a man telling me what to do.

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#466894 - 06/22/14 05:26 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 205
Loc: Southeast US
My big issue with men also is those with authority or power over me. They basically scare me or make me so uncomfortable I want to escape. I don't know if it's a feeling of inadequacy because of the emotional response I had from those who abused me, or a distrust of men in general. The two or three times I was fortunate enough to have men I considered as friends they did something to completely destroy the friendship or any hope of ever being friends again. Whether it was because my fear of authoritarian men somehow caused these guys to act like they did, I don't know. Although my father wasn't sexually abusive, I think my fear has it's roots in my relationship with him.
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#467084 - 06/28/14 10:10 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I hate having any man have any power or authority over me and I don't want that kind of "power" bestowed upon me either, I fear of becoming the kind of man I fear and hate and it shows in my fear of girls and women growing up past the abuse because I was extremely sexually aroused but feared showing that would turn me into the man I didn't want to be. I realize now I was way too hard on myself and could never be the @$$hole that I didn't want to become. But it also made me hide my sexual interest in guys that were gay or bi, I find these men to truly be unbiased and I admire them for having the strength and courage to openly be who they are. But mainly it's a penis fixation that I have. So many years of masturbating I guess...lol

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#467088 - 06/28/14 11:36 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
Bluedogone Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 205
Loc: Southeast US
Pete,

You've made an excellent point that I never considered, but it so resonated with me. I too hate overly aggressive men, or power hungry guys, but never considered that type is exactly what I don't want to be, and the reason is so obvious - I don't like them so naturally I hate being in a position of power or authority.

A penis fixation is a strange thing, you can't just eliminate the power or authoritarian type. If excessive masturbation is the cause, I'll have to plead guilty...lol
_________________________
Never, never, never, never give up....Winston Churchill

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#467109 - 06/30/14 12:48 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 611
Loc: VA
When I was a kid I was afraid of adult men. My dad died when I was 3, and I grew up with only female family members. Then there was the Little Summer Camp of Horrors a few years later...

Only when the flashbacks started did I realize why I was afraid of grown men and even bigger boys. It's probably all part of the "inadequacy" syndrome.

John

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#467114 - 06/30/14 10:07 PM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 297
You know i've always felt different than other men, like i could not quite measure up, like they received some kind of instruction manual i never did get. Plus the after effects of sexual abuse leave you feeling deep homophobia, at least for me they did, i grew up in a culture where even having your masculinity questioned meant you were somehow defective. What i'm trying to say is i guess i was majorly ashamed of being a man, i had no chance to enjoy being a man or little boy for that matter, i was afraid of myself. I hated being like other men, all the men in my life since an early age ridiculed and beat my soul. Fear of other men? Well now a days i fear about being way too aggressive verbally and sometimes even physically towards other men whenever they feel they get entitlement to attack me, in the work place, in the street, in social circles, i feel that there is a lot of shaming culture around manhood, if you do not live up to the standards you are a pansy, so you must carry that shame around. I do my best to pass on blessing and never shame men unnecessarily. I used to be immensely afraid of men, but now a day's i like in the mirror and say to myself: "You are not like other men, you are stronger, since age 3 you have been under attack from evil doers and you are still here, you are way stronger than most of the pack, where others would piss their pants, you stood tall, how could anyone ever intimidate you again?"
Trust is a big issue around my life as well, i guess you never really regain it until you learn to trust yourself.
I was groomed as most of us were which means that bonding always seemed to be a precursor to betrayal, but i grew myself back up, trying would be more precise... and can not be afraid, sure somedays are rough, but i can handle it.


Edited by justplainme (06/30/14 10:09 PM)
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#467118 - 07/01/14 12:21 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 692
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Justplainme,

"Bonding was a precursor to betrayal" just caused a lot of things to fall into place for me. I'm in a bonding process with MS and with myself, and your statement just gave me the understanding I need for the fears I have been having. With a context I always have a much easier time working through and healing my fears.

Thank you.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#467122 - 07/01/14 09:02 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Wow justplainme, you have so many similarities to me. But a big difference, one which really makes me feel so alone and isolated, even from the survivors on this site, is that even though I was abused at 11 and again at 18, I was never groomed by either monster. I refuse to call them men. Both of these monsters were strangers to me but the way things happened, I felt as though they knew me better than I knew myself because I seemed like such easy prey and was lured into both houses easily. My gut told me something seemed wrong but my upbringing, to be a good little boy and always obey your elders and do as I was told, that was the driving factor that sent me into those homes.
Then 28 years after the first incident, I finally found myself re-victimizing myself. I had already come to terms with my sexuality and to this day I still say that I am bisexual, to an extent, that being that I have a penis fixation and I do enjoy pleasuring men orally, the problem where I found myself getting into trouble is that both times I was abused things didn't seem to go as those monsters wanted.
The first time I had not hit puberty and I never got an erection nor did I ejaculate. The monster sure did and I think that was what saved me and allowed me to leave without being physically harmed.
The second time, despite the fact that I was 18 and most would have considered me to be a young "man", as soon as the door closed and locked and the tone of the monsters voice changed, my gut already screaming at me that something was wrong here, my mind finally realized what was going on and I mentally turned into that frightened 11 year old boy. Well I was already kind of that boy, he never really grew up and even today I catch myself at times being an obedient child and obeying others despite how "I" feel, "I" meaning the 3 people I know identify myself as, the 40 year old male(not sure if I want to refer to myself as a man?), the teenager that never got to be a teenager growing up, and the 11 year old boy that is still frozen in time as I had to grow up so damn quickly that day and didn't allow myself to experience so many "normal" things growing up after that out of fear of being exposed to the world.
I finally realized last year that since things didn't go as the monster seemed to have planned during the second incident, that I had unknowingly been re-victimizing myself. It is complicated and is still hard to overcome at times because it just seemed to always creep up on me and happen before I realized it was. And once I realized something wasn't right, the guilt and shame and fear convinced me that I was doing a good thing and I was getting pleasure from doing it. I was sexually aroused but when I crossed the line to victimizing myself it was the guilt and shame and fear that was being pleasured. The reason being that subconsciously all these years I was upset and ashamed that I wasn't the "perfect" victim. I felt that I wasn't good enough to be groomed like most victims and I wasn't good enough to cum for the first monster and I wasn't good enough to fulfill the second monsters demands and make him cum so I found that these inadequate feelings were quietly driving me to relieve these feelings by being what I thought those monsters wanted me to do when they used me and I tried to get men to use me that same way. The thing that made it hard to see and drew me into this re-victimization was that I had already dropped my fear of homosexual men and bisexual men, these monsters were neither and I finally felt alright with myself being interested in these types of men. I enjoyed having sexual "fun" with these men, I had no emotional attraction to them at all, in fact I hardly ever had any emotional attraction to anyone, my wife of 18 years being one of the few exceptions. But I did have a strong sexual attraction to man on man fun, mainly fellatio, and I really strongly got off by making a man climax, especially orally.
These sexual feelings are normal and all good, but the problem was that the guilt and shame would creep up on me, especially while I was getting sexually involved with a man and the guilt and shame convinced me that I had to try to be a "perfect victim" and pleasure these men like how those monsters wanted me to pleasure them and I mistook the sexual pleasure I got as a bisexual man as part of relieving the shame and guilt I was feeling. It took a long time to open my eyes and see that when I walked away feeling guilty and ashamed and wanting to keep it a secret, especially the way I pushed the men to call me names and talk about dressing me up or using me like a sex slave, that this was what the guilt and shame pushed me into unwillingly and mistaking it as "good" because I was sexually turned on at the time and felt good about getting the man off. But never did they call me a good bitch or anything like that and finally, with the help of therapy and counselling, I realized that I wasn't their victim nor did they want me to be one, I was trying to be the obedient boy that I was when I was abused and trying to put a closure to the guilt and shame that I quietly lived with because I felt like a failure for not getting them off.
Today and moving forward things are different. Anger and frustration are allowed to be part of my life and I try to control them in a positive way, which admittedly can be hard at times because I have bottled up these emotions for way too many years. But these emotions replace the guilt and fear when the abuse crosses my mind and rather than pleasing them, I imagine physically hurting them in a sexual way like biting there penis or testicles so hard that they could never use them again. I would never let these emotions take control of me but the feeling at the moment visualizing this eliminate the guilt and shame, only from what the monsters brought on me, not my sexual attraction to men, well to openly gay and bisexual men. As far as the rest of men are concerned, especially those masculine, arrogant assholes, I find myself projecting these feelings towards them too as a way of protecting myself from them. They attacked me indirectly for so many years, making fun of gay and bi men and any boy or young man that wasn't an arrogant pig towards women, and also to the women that took this abuse from these men and made it seem "normal" and so many of them looked at me, or at least I felt they did, as different and inadequate and weak because I wouldn't treat them like dirt. So I grew up HATING these men and women, yes HATE is a very strong word but one I allow myself to feel, I have every right to feel it and I refuse to let anyone tell me different, even god. He gave me free will, just as he did those monsters that abused us all, and they were allowed to abuse that free will so I allow myself to hate them for that. My moto is "God forgives, I don't" and I truly feel that he accepts that. I don't blame him in the least, free will was a gift we all received and not something that can be taken back, well not by God but by us humans, which we should when it comes to sexually or physically abusing children but we don't. Individually we may try but collectively as a society we seem to let it just happen and hopefully go away, just like I feel my parents hoped that hiding what happened and not really talking about it or acknowledging how it still affects me today, and by not kicking the shit out of the dirt bag that diddled their little boy. So this has driven me to avoid society, what has it done for me, I am an outcast from society and I am a voice and a victim that they don't want to hear from. I am not a rescued sole for them to hold up to the world and make themselves feel good about and help them ignore the rest of us victims that they didn't rescue nor even try. They had the chance when the first monster molested two young girls, instead it was easier to drop the charges and pretend it never happened and move away and raise those poor girls to believe it never happened and just leave this piece of shit around to do it again, this time changing his type of victim to that na´ve, little boy. And even though I did what I should and report it, he was arrested but then released, that 11 year old boy grew up believing that bad men were locked up for good, not for a day and then back out on the street to do as they please. I am just happy that his last act was to take his own life and spare the world from him. If only the people that tried to rescue him had known why he jumped in the weir, would they have still tried to help or would they have cheered like I do inside.
Sorry for the long rant and honest expression of some not so good feelings but it is who I am and I am not going to change myself because someone doesn't like that I hate monsters and feel death is the least that can happen to them. It feels good to openly express my hate to all the monsters of the world and wish a cruel and painful death on all of them. It is enough to make me feel better about myself and I don't think I could ever act out the feelings but if society were to legalize it then trust me I would be one of the first victims in line with a bat to bash as many testicles as possible.
Thanks for letting me vent and have some peace by releasing this anger and frustration, releasing it through talking is better than releasing it violently. Growing up I would release it by masturbating but I am tired of doing something I enjoy to release bad feelings, I want my sexual actions to be only for good feelings where I don't feel guilty after I cum, a guilt that took me well over 20 years to understand and even longer to finally confront and change.

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#467123 - 07/01/14 09:11 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Can anyone else relate to how I feel and do you find that after venting like I just did that you feel the urge to masturbate? I was flaccid the entire time I typed out my response but it seemed almost instantly after hitting submit that I started to get an erection and instinctively began to masturbate. Admittedly it feels good and maybe it is this good feeling that I have grown to enjoy as majority of my good feelings have come from growing up, especially since I had so few friends and kept it that way so that they wouldn't catch me masturbating. Looking back at it I see it as a natural growth process and I could have easily defeated any masculine attack because I realized within a year of being sexually active that I was gifted with a much larger penis than most boys and men but I immediately would disrespect myself by degrading myself like I expected others would because I am uncircumcised, in so many ways I was my own worst enemy. frown

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#467124 - 07/01/14 09:12 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
And the erection is now gone, I just did it to myself again....gggrrrr

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#467153 - 07/02/14 06:18 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: don64]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 297
Originally Posted By: don64
Hi Justplainme,

"Bonding was a precursor to betrayal" just caused a lot of things to fall into place for me. I'm in a bonding process with MS and with myself, and your statement just gave me the understanding I need for the fears I have been having. With a context I always have a much easier time working through and healing my fears.

Thank you.

Don


Good to know Don.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#467154 - 07/02/14 06:22 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 297
Pete i think it's normal to be so concerned about our sexuality. Love and sex were completely disconnected from each other and the way we were supposed to understand them. It's hard, but keep a green tree in your heart and someday a singing bird may come to it.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#467380 - 07/08/14 09:26 AM Re: Is it common to have a fear/hatred toward men? [Re: pete1973]
pete1973 Offline


Registered: 01/02/14
Posts: 41
Loc: Ontario, Canada
justplainme, I don't understand the green tree quote but the survivors need an opportunity quote really hits home and I am embracing it more and more everyday and learning, accepting and showing my sexuality more every day and it is MY sexuality, not the effects of the abuse, I am past that now and have learned to identify and stop the re-victimization and not allow the guilt and shame to drive me down that path again, the satisfaction I thought I got from it was only the guilt and shame being content with me allowing those emotions to relive the abuse, mainly trying to be the "perfect" victim that I felt I wasn't while being abused because I didn't get off like they wanted me to.

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