Thank you, DaiseyLady and Mishka95673. I'm pretty sure his therapist knows how I feel. It sounds like you've been through something very similar and I appreciate you sharing with me here. When the screaming and accusations start I know he's not himself and I know he's not really talking to me...he's talking to his abuser. But after so many years of this, I'm finding it hard to sit here and take the abuse meant for someone else. I feel done at those moments. Just done. We talk about it a lot, but if that behavior doesn't stop, then my staying here will damage my kids. I don't want them growing up in a place where they see this sort of thing and think it's okay. I don't want them to marry abusive people.
I keep my PM turned off because I work long hours and answer 100+ emails for my job every day. But thank you both for your posts. It's somehow nice to feel not alone, even though I wish my life was different vs. finding support in order to continue enduring this abuse. I'm so glad I finally posted something.
Thank you! And thank you again for this original post learning2luvme. It helped me see a lot of things.