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#464263 - 04/19/14 08:41 AM Hello all. Confused and new to this.
teba Offline


Registered: 04/17/14
Posts: 12
Hi people,

I just joined a few days ago. I posted my story in the "Survivors Of Female Abuse" subforum, so if you're interested you can check it out.

I'm really not sure what I'm doing here. Well, I guess I wish to get better and get over the things that happened to me. They hurt a lot. I also hope I can be of some use to other fellow members here, helping them somehow.

The things that happened to me happened over 15 years ago (I'm 26 now) but they still have a lot of power over me. It's all very confusing and weird, don't you find?

I hope I didn't bore/annoy you. Sorry.

Anyway, hello to everyone and I hope we can get along just fine.

Greetings and good luck, people,

teba.

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#464273 - 04/19/14 01:46 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 761
Loc: michigan
hi teba
Welcome to male survivor!
I am sure there are countless men here who would echo your thoughts nearly exactly. I hope that as you take your time to chat with the guys here, to read the other stories and responses you will come to realize that you are among those who really do "get it " we have all been there unfortunately and we all struggle with these things, including the difficulty of sharing them with others. thank you for finding the courage to take that first step for yourself and that little boy who was so hurt. they say that time heals all wounds, I find that is not so true. not until we are able to unpack and allow ourselves to find the healing that we deserve. you have taken that brave step congratulations!
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#464275 - 04/19/14 02:02 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3420
Loc: somewhere in Africa
teba - welcome and best wishes for growth and healing.

i read your story - and relate to a significant aspect of it. the ambiguity of some of the events can leave you uncertain whether it really was abuse or not - whether you are imagining or exaggerating things - if you are the sick one for even thinking so obsessively about it rather than just letting it go, and so on... at least, that was my experience.

when things are open to more than one interpretation, you need to trust your gut instinct and stop second-guessing yourself. the effects are there. you need to deal with them. the effects point back to a cause. it was real. it hurt you. the truth hurts - but it can also lead to further processing that can set you free.

i hope you will not apologize or minimize your experience. we accept you and believe you - perhaps more than you trust yourself.

lee


Edited by traveler (04/19/14 02:03 PM)
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#464344 - 04/21/14 04:18 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 187
Loc: Canada
Hey teba,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad for you to have found MS.

First congratulations on taking the step of addressing the abuse you suffered, at such an early age.
As someone who buried it for nearly 4 decades, I can appreciate your courage and strength in taking this step.

There is no need to be sorry, and you're not boring anyone. We are here, just like you, to further our own recovery.
That may be by just reading, or also posting, participating in chat, and even offering a welcome, or opinion on another's post.

How we feel has a direct correlation to how we think about something, in my opinion.
I could choose to feel demoralized by the fact that, far too frequently new members arrive at MS, and this is indicative of a decaying society.
Or I could choose to feel glad for those of us who have found MS, and see this as a changing of societal norms, that allows us men to seek the help we need.
It's all in how you think about it.

I find a great deal of healing for me now in offering helpful and supportive words to others. Just like the support I received when I first arrived at MS.
There is no single formula for recovery, just do what feels right to you.

Take your time, speak your truth, and observe the support from the community of men just like yourself, who get it.

Welcome and take care.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#464440 - 04/22/14 10:44 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 328
Loc: Ohio
Hi teba,

Thanks for your introduction. I hope you find the ms forums helpful and healing. There are a lot of men with experience handling these matters and recovery here.

Welcome to MS.

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#465071 - 05/07/14 11:52 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3351
Loc: O Kanada
greetings, good luck, hello, and welcome to you, teba.

yes, i agree… it is all weird and confusing.

hope you find something to soothe your pain here.

i like the poetry section.
so i recommend it to you.
i also like the spiritual forum.

walk slowly and softly through your garden of dreams.

carry a flame, to shine in the shade.
bring a shovel, to dig up your dirt.

beware of triggers as you till the soil.
the mind is a minefield.


remember, the flower needs rain as well as sunshine.

and don't forget to build a fence to keep out the pests.


accentuate the positive,
eliminate the negative.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#465313 - 05/13/14 10:40 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
learning2luvme Offline


Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 49
Victor-victim,

I really enjoyed what you said. Spot on advice.

Teba I am proud of your first steps. It is a beautiful thing to get the monkey off your back. Glad you found us. Tremendous wisdom and love here.

Reach out as often as you like. We are here to help. Take care of yourself. Be prepared for setbacks and know that healing isn't linear. It has ups and downs but gradually over time you see long term improvement. Don't get lost along the way. Stay focused. Love yourself. We do :-).

Happy Healing,

L2LM

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#465345 - 05/14/14 12:14 PM Re: Hello all. Confused and new to this. [Re: teba]
Robert1000 Offline


Registered: 06/27/12
Posts: 336
Thanks for joining this group, and thanks for your posts. I'm glad you found this community, your community, our community. Stay strong. You're not alone. And things DO get better.

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