I guess the thing is , I am happy as is, or was anyway. I have NO interest in her knowing more,helping me, supporting me AT ALL. I seldom talk to her about things because I like it that way. I never wanted this to be a part of my marriage. I never wanted to pollute her and I with this. its bullshit and I hate it. he "coming along side" I see as just a euphemism. it just means she is keeping me close, watching me,keeping ME safe that is not the way it is supposed to work.I would rather endure whatever pain then let it touch /hurt her. and I know that there is more to this all in the rational world but I do struggle so with feelings
Either I will find a way, or I will make one.