Sitting on the bench beside her
I stopped talking a while ago
I've taken to
Grinding dirt with the toe of my shoe
And biting my lip
I stare hard at the ground between my feet
She twirls her necklace around in her fingers
Breaks our silence and
"What is it you want, Geetch?"
I give you everything. Everything."
Truth is I don't know what I want
But I want it
My stomach churns
And my heart breaks
I miss it so much
Whatever it is
So I nod
And I say "I know, Mom"
She puts her arm around me
And I put my head on her shoulder
She kisses my forehead and laughs
What I'm missing feels like it's almost there
Close enough to break me
"We'll get out of here soon."
"Just you and me, we won't be here much longer"
And I know she's lying
Because the truth is
there isn't anywhere but here.
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.