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#463888 - 04/09/14 11:21 AM I reap what you sow (**triggers**)...
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
You just shoveled your way in. It was a dark, deep and whispered effort. Don't tense up. Just relax and let me in... I yielded. So many times. Your garden was us kids, and you were such a busy planter. Did you ever count on the harvest? Neither did I.

That seed took root. It grew in my heart and in my brain for years before I recognized it. I tried to ignore it, but the tendrils grew inside me, prying apart my integrity. I tried to hack it away, it just grew back stronger and thicker. Did you ever anticipate the thicket of thorns that would grow from what you planted? I suppose neither of us did at the time.

But, gee, you should see this. You really should.

So I picked some of that harvest. For you. Don't worry - there is plenty. I won't run out any time soon. It just keeps growing. So dark and thorny and thick. So painful to hold.

And so when I come knocking, don't close your door to me. I certainly couldn't close my door to you.

.....Just relax and let me in.

.........Be brave. Like I was.

.............Look me in the eyes if you dare. I won't blink.

.................And see what you planted.
_________________________



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#463890 - 04/09/14 12:39 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6872
Loc: USA
Wow! Amazing! Gives me cold chills

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#463902 - 04/09/14 04:24 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3420
Loc: somewhere in Africa
the title says it all -
and then goes on from there.
ouch.
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#463907 - 04/09/14 05:05 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
Thanks Puffer, Lee -

It was in my head when I awoke, so I just spilled it out here. I am about to confront my abuser next week (my third confrontation with him) and this is my pep talk to myself.
_________________________



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#463935 - 04/10/14 11:48 AM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 81
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
WOW! Just wow. I am so impressed with you Eirik.

Even if my attacker was still alive, I cannot imagine confronting Thomas without physical violence involved, or a LEO between us.

I hope someday I can release the hate I still have for him (Yes, I know the only one it hurts is me). Someday the 16" between my head and heart will be bridged.

I also clicked your pic and read your story, you ARE a hero.
_________________________
Izzy

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis
My Story: Short / Long version. *TRIGGERS*

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#464575 - 04/25/14 08:12 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
The confrontation happened shorty after I wrote this poem. It was actually the third, the first two being last year. He is locked in psychiatric confinement, so these are not easy to arrange. Next meeting is this weekend. I'll report back here if anyone is interested. At some point I feel I need to explain myself, and I apologize for playing this so close to the vest. I guess I'm superstitious, because each meeting takes tremendous motivation for me to "step into the arena," and I've been afraid that talking about it would take some of that energy away. But there are good things that come from it, and I am looking forward to sharing them.
_________________________



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#464617 - 04/26/14 07:57 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
GoodSamaritan Offline


Registered: 12/10/13
Posts: 11
Loc: Kentucky
Eirik -
I am very interested in hearing how your meeting went with your perpetrator. You are doing an admirable thing when you confront him.

Tom R.

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#464624 - 04/26/14 09:51 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
That is deep shit the sad thing is I can tag each word with a feeling of what happened to me

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#465431 - 05/17/14 01:24 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
sadclown Offline


Registered: 02/27/14
Posts: 58
It is rare that poetry can remind me why it is indeed an art, but this hit the nerve, man. That last line was nothing short of chilling- an expert use of metaphor. Definitely some of the best prose I have read in a while.
_________________________
My Story

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed"- Ernest Hemingway

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#465461 - 05/18/14 02:52 PM Re: I reap what you sow (**triggers**)... [Re: Chase Eric]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
Pure Awesomeness you have real talent
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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