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#464250 - 04/18/14 08:42 PM Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-)
learning2luvme Offline


Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 49
Honey...you know who you are....I just wanted to
1. Thank you for standing by me when nothing in the world made sense.
2. Thank you for allowing me adequate room to heal as I needed to heal.
3. Thank you for respecting my privacy when I needed it.
4. Thank you for not giving up on me when I had given up on myself.
5. Thank you for adopting many of my friends that have similar issues and problems. Thank you for loving them like you do me.
6. Thank you for making me feel as normal as possible despite my issues.
7. Thank you for holding my hand and talking to me when I disassociate....even when I do it in public sometimes and it isn't always convenient.
8. Thank you for forgiving me when I was making bad choices in an attempt to define who I was and what was robbed from me.
9. Thank you for driving me to my EMDR appointments and encouraging me to stick with therapy when I didn't want to continue.
10. Thank you for holding me like you do after a bad nightmare or flashback.
11. Thank you for being wise enough to confiscate my handgun even when I felt I could handle it.
12. Thank you for enduring my mood swings and fits of depression.
13. Thank you for protecting me from the outside world when I needed protection.
14. Thank you for providing such a great smile to have smiling back at me.
15. Thank you for being the amazing mother of my three amazing daughters.
16. Thank you for listening when I was ready to speak.
17. Thank you for being the amazing wife and partner that you are.
18. Thank you for giving me time to find meaningful intimacy again.
19. Thank you for letting me pursue my musical passions.
20. Thank you for not making me feel less than human when I struggle some days just to live.
21. Thank you for accepting what happened to me and being willing to take upon all the baggage that comes with being married to a survivor.
22. Thank you for carrying me when I couldn't walk.
23. Thank you for unconditionally loving me.
24. Thank you for wanting to spend the rest of your life with me.
25. Thank you for the little notes you hide in my briefcase and luggage telling me how much you love me and how special I am.
26. Thank you for letting me ground myself using your favorite perfume.
27. Thank you for letting me be little spoon even though I am much bigger than you.
28. Thank you for all the times I interrupted our lives because a trigger had set me off.
29. Thank you for the endless hugs and words of encouragement.
30. Thank you for accepting me as me.
31. Thank you for letting me help other survivors to become thrivers too.
32. Thank you for encouraging me to cry and to let it all out after keeping silent for 35 years.
33. Thank you for trusting me again when I had violated your trust while trying to cope and determine who I really am.
34. Thank you for letting me have more closet space than I am suppose to have.
35. Thank you for almost 22 years of the most amazing journey we have had thus far as a married couple.
36. Thank you for being you...the most amazing woman in the world and lucky for me....my best friend....FOREVER.

I love you babe.

Love
Me

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#464271 - 04/19/14 12:13 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
I Want 2 Thrive Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/04/14
Posts: 79
Loc: Florida, U.S.A
Originally Posted By: learning2luvme

27. Thank you for letting me be little spoon even though I am much bigger than you.


I thought I was the only one who liked 27. It is a very comforting position. Although in the case of my wife and I, I have the image of a chihuahua cuddling a saint bernard.

In total, well said sir, well said.
_________________________
Izzy

"There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind" C.S. Lewis
My Story: Short / Long version. *TRIGGERS*

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#464272 - 04/19/14 01:32 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
Cam76 Offline


Registered: 06/25/13
Posts: 8
Thanks for posting this. I often feel that nothing I do as a spouse of a CSA survivor is enough to be of any help. It's nice to see that some of the things I can do can make a difference.

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#465350 - 05/14/14 03:04 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
YYZGIRL Offline


Registered: 01/21/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada/USA
Thank you for the great post and giving us spouses some encouragement that things can get better and our love and support do not go unnoticed

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#465376 - 05/15/14 02:05 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
learning2luvme Offline


Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 49
I have a lot of compassion for spouses of survivors. My wife sure could have used the support when we were struggling. I'm grateful for her and any spouse that's supporting their husband through difficult times. Best of luck to you and your husband.

Happy Healing
L2LM

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#465377 - 05/15/14 02:17 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1610
Agree with everyone above--and for those fortunate to have a spouse or significant other there to support them, you are blessed and they truly are heroes and show there are wonderful and kind people in this world who have the capacity to love and understand the travesties some have lived. They too are survivors.

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#465378 - 05/15/14 02:26 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
Judith Offline


Registered: 05/08/14
Posts: 16
Loc: USA
Yes. And or friends. I am sorry some of you didnt have some to support you through the process.

On another site for women I am a part of they have a section called Secondary Survivors for spouses of ones who hare abuse survivors.

I am a friend/mentor/ etc of several one I have already mention on the site. Especially friends who have been there who understand and can "help" where the therapist may not or may not realize where the Help or whatever you want to call it needs to be. I have found that spouses of friends have benefit from my info that sometimes the therapist doesnt realize that needs to be given who hasnt been through it. Sometimes the survivor etc doesnt always tell the therapist everything. I have found that the person tells me more than the therapist.

What Learning2luvme -what could you have used or needed to help you both along the way?

My female friend was glad to have her husband in our conversation when she and I was wanting to heal from our past-he learned alot by how to help her.

Just also dont be afraid to talk. Talk is healing.

I feel like i am forgetting something. My mind goes faster than my hands.

Judith

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#465383 - 05/15/14 08:43 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1610
Judith

I see you group as S squared--supporter and survivor. If it was not for people like you and other kind and generous people many of us would not have our lives back and a future to live. Without people like you and those I have met many of us would not be here today or have a life worth living. I believe once we have someone or many who support, listen, give and take care of themselves do we heal. We flounder without this support.

You are so right, talking and not telling is so important. If I ever hear I am telling you this is the way it is--it will be too soon. It is nice to talk how we feel, how we hurt, to listen and hear their view without everyone else being brought into the discussion-either physically or through constant reference. Keep talking, it is healing, but also keep listening and this applies to everyone.

Thank you for have been there for someone and encouraging others to travel the path.

Best wishes

Kevin

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#465388 - 05/15/14 11:08 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: learning2luvme]
Judith Offline


Registered: 05/08/14
Posts: 16
Loc: USA
Hi Kevin

Ur welcome etc

If u need to talk don't be afraid to write me.

Judith

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#465472 - 05/18/14 06:40 PM Re: Thank you Honey for not giving up on me :-) [Re: Judith]
learning2luvme Offline


Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 49
You know I got what I needed most. Unconditional love and forgiveness for my poor judgement that was shrouded by my inability to see clear. I needed most for somebody to listen and not judged.

I feel I have been judged my whole life and always trying to be somebody that I wasn't but thought I wanted to be. So for me...my wife gave me space to heal, an ear to listen and most all she gave me forgiveness.

Happy Healing,

L2LM

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