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#464207 - 04/17/14 10:15 AM angry at the world
Cam76 Offline


Registered: 06/25/13
Posts: 8
I am furious at all the people that have hurt my husband, I am furious at myself for not being enough to protect him from the world or from himself. I am angry with him for struggling, but I know its not his fault. My husband is in the hospital again after another breakdown and I want to be positive and supportive. I want to be the one holding him up but I am so angry I can't see any positive in the world right now. I lived a happy life before I met him, and I never believed the world could be so cruel.
How am I supposed to be positive when I am realizing how broken and mean the world is?

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#464208 - 04/17/14 11:07 AM Re: angry at the world [Re: Cam76]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1568
I am sorry to hear of all your troubles. You need to take care of yourself. You are doing the best you can--seek support from others who understand, do not let those that do not or do not want to understand be part of your life now. You have enough on your plate, and negative influences, words or actions will only make your situation worse.

Take some time for yourself, do something you enjoy or makes you happy. You are there for him, many of us did not have someone like you at our side, and would have given the world for the support you are giving--many talk the talk but few walk the talk. Be proud of yourself you are walking it.

Now you may not realize it, but as your husband heals he will remember those that stood by him and learn to distance himself from those who were cruel and abandoned him until they accept what he has lived.

I was not hospitalized for a breakdown but rather for dissociative fugues. Hospitalizations can be scary but he is in good hands with experts who understand what he has lived. Hopefully, the doctors understand trauma and CSA, this is important for your husband to feel safe.

Take care of yourself, let the anger out--you need to let it out and not fester inside you. Vent here anytime you need to, we are pretty much a nonjudgmental group of people who have lived through the pain, anger and hurt of CSA.

Kevin

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#464225 - 04/17/14 09:59 PM Re: angry at the world [Re: Cam76]
Cam76 Offline


Registered: 06/25/13
Posts: 8
Thanks Kevin, for your kind words. I am trying very hard to see the good in life even though right now the bad seems so huge. My husband has been through hell and yet he is the kindest most positive person I know, so there must be some goodness in the world.
I taked to him in the hospital today and he is doing ok. He also has pretty major dissociation issues, and has been in the hospital many times before - but it's never easy.
Thanks again,
Cam

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#464229 - 04/17/14 10:24 PM Re: angry at the world [Re: Cam76]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1568
Cam

I can only say I admire you. I had severe dissociative issues and everyone ran the other way as I would loss time and place. You took your husband to the hospital to help with the dissociative issues, I was left stranded at the hospital when I came out of the dissociative fugue but thankful friends came to the rescue. You accept and understand the realities of your husband's state of mind and the damage the abuse has done. People educated in the medical profession, but not educated in trauma, dissociation, fugues all disclaim the realities of trauma and claim it is faked or not real. Thankfully the doctors who treated me knew the realities and assured me the dissociation was part of the trauma and PTSD and those who denied it did not understand trauma. Your acceptance allows you to be there and not run away in denial. It keeps you from harboring grudges and hate for what he may have done in dissociation or from the affects of the abuse. Remember him for the kind person you see him as.

You said it, it is never easy--but I can tell once your husband heals life will be wonderful for him and you. It sounds as though your husband has a kind soul despite all he has lived--I think many survivors are there for others but never there for themselves--because we learned to deny ourselves or parts of ourselves years ago. But once we find the whole--we can live and give even more--from the heart.

Take care of yourself--because you are a support person who needs to keep engaged with life and who you are--

Keep us posted on your husband's progress and yours.

Kevin

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