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#464029 - 04/13/14 09:02 AM Hurting
bey Offline

Registered: 01/28/10
Posts: 358
Loc: canada
Jamie said
I don't think you're a bad person, Benny
I just think you're making some bad choices

But then he kissed me

So maybe we're all in the same boat
Good people making bad choices
Hurting each other trying to make ourselves feel something

And for what it's worth, I am sorry

When I was a kid and my dad wanted to really hurt me he would call me a disgusting little shit
And it hurt
Because I was
And because I am
And because I have spent the last 20 years proving him right

Jamie said "You're not disgusting, Ben. You're so beautiful."
And when his hand pulled at my belt loop
Everything good about me lined up and I was less a little shit and more
Loved and useful and useful and useful and wanted and worthy and not alone and peaceful and happy and needed and everything was ok

I am so hurt and broken
And so tired of hurting and breaking

And I am so so sorry
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me.

#464119 - 04/15/14 12:38 PM Re: Hurting [Re: bey]
JayBro Offline

Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 312
Loc: Germany
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us. I am sorry to read it, but I do not think that your vulnerability from being abused makes you what you convinced yourself you were based on what your dad said. Both men have done tremendous damage to you as an innocent child and they had absolutely no right to do that to you. They were the disgusting shits.

You're a good person with bad stuff that happened to you- which was not your choice. But now you have the capacity for decision-making!!
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."


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