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#464002 - 04/12/14 09:34 AM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: lapchinj]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Hey OTH

Do you think that you're gay or sort of it doesn't really matter. The reason i ask (not to be nosy) but if you are a straight guy how did it influence your life now.

I'm gay and married. It was the only thing to do in the '70s but my relationship with my wife is a strong "friendship", It's not really sexual. I look at other men but have never been with anyone else but her for the last 37 years (???).

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff


I have to say that all of my experiences came to a sum of who I am.

The SSA side learned and felt a mainly physical thing. My CSA was under the premise of becoming a man. I thought men did that sorts thing. Maybe women were a thing on the side from the boys club? Who knows what you think at 7.

I knew at 7 I had a hero that was my idol. The sexual part was almost minor? It was cool. Weird I know. Totally Stockholm syndrome stuff.

I detached love from sex. I learned that sex was the entry key to being cool. I learned that a promise to suck his dick got me what I wanted.

I felt like later in life I just experience more of humanity, not always sexual, but some of the ga culture, the outsider aspect. Many are people pleases to try to get acceptance, living with low self esteem,

I know what I like sexually and I feel like I understand more about people in general. For me, I needed the help and friendship of all people, my gay and straight friends to make a life worth living.

I love all my friends. I went there, tried it, now I am cool with who I am. Nothing to prove. No internal war to fight.

Thanks for the question. It made me think a bit. I'm actually feeling some gratitude right now smile



Edited by On The Fringe (04/12/14 09:36 AM)
Edit Reason: Spelling
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#464013 - 04/12/14 03:38 PM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: Dave PNW]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1226
Loc: New York
Hey OTF

Thanks for the kind words and the way you answered gives me some food for thought. It classifies you as a person and in a specific category of people.

I on the other hand I always considered myself and looked at myself as a boy liking boys. I hear you were rewarded by certain acts to him and something in return for you. I loved papasan and he could do no wrong and I knew (so I thought) that sons slept with their fathers. I loved that world, besides everyone told me that I would get interested in girls when I was old enough.

Yes, I agree 100% that friends whether straight, gay or trans are friends. It's too bad that after I left the game and entered the USAF I never had a friend aside from one person until I came here to MS. People were always acquaintances and I had to hide my past so nobody really got to know me not even my wife, but I told her 2-1/2 years ago.

Thanks for writing your answer to my question. I was afraid I was intruding on your privacy but your answer gives me a different way of thinking.

Thanks so much

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#464102 - 04/15/14 01:50 AM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Maybe I need to apologize for continuing my rant.

The reason I posted in this thread is that, as my memory clears, I think they were very interested in my sexuality. They were even interested in distorting my sexuality. The memories come together as the pieces of a complex puzzle. But the picture that emerges is an ugly one. They were interested in what stimulus would cause an erection or even a stronger response. What can be done to a pre-pubertal 13 year old that will cause a sexual response?

They were interested in the distortion of sexuality. I'll have to let it go at that for right now until the picture clarifies some more.

Puffer

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#464371 - 04/21/14 10:11 PM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Post moved.


Edited by pufferfish (05/19/14 12:58 AM)

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#464875 - 05/01/14 09:23 PM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Post moved



Edited by pufferfish (05/19/14 01:00 AM)

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#464877 - 05/01/14 09:39 PM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: lapchinj]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
Hey OTF

Thanks for the kind words and the way you answered gives me some food for thought. It classifies you as a person and in a specific category of people.

I on the other hand I always considered myself and looked at myself as a boy liking boys. I hear you were rewarded by certain acts to him and something in return for you. I loved papasan and he could do no wrong and I knew (so I thought) that sons slept with their fathers. I loved that world, besides everyone told me that I would get interested in girls when I was old enough.

Yes, I agree 100% that friends whether straight, gay or trans are friends. It's too bad that after I left the game and entered the USAF I never had a friend aside from one person until I came here to MS. People were always acquaintances and I had to hide my past so nobody really got to know me not even my wife, but I told her 2-1/2 years ago.

Thanks for writing your answer to my question. I was afraid I was intruding on your privacy but your answer gives me a different way of thinking.

Thanks so much

Peace, Rainbows, Love, Healing & Hope
<3 XOXO
Jeff


I have really enjoyed this forum. It has been a great place to share feelings that are new and old. It was a bit odd to post in this section for gay and bisexuals, but the SSA topics were active here. As an accepting group of people here, you all have made me feel comfortable.

Not sure what this means exactly, but sex, for the sake of sex, is just skin rubbing on skin. Thinking back on my CSA, I admit to idolizing my a user and enjoying most of the sex. I thought I was loved and becoming a man. I thought as a damaged child of abusive parents.

Now the whole SSA thing feels diffused. It just does not matter. It was skin rubbing skin, nature took its course. It helps with the past feelings of shame. There is no reason for it.

It is liberating to come here and explore the thoughts, write out some things and look at my words.

Thanks for letting me ramble.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#464880 - 05/01/14 10:06 PM Re: SSA and Sexual Orientation [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Post moved


Edited by pufferfish (05/19/14 12:59 AM)

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