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#46383 - 02/21/03 11:19 AM Wife made a good point last night
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
I was talking to my wife about add and adhd and how a lot of guys on the web site have been diagnosed with one of those conditions. My wife said that I displayed many or all of the symptoms required to be diagnosed with one of these conditions.

But then she said: "I don't believe any of you guys have an attention deficit, if anything, you all have an attention surplus. You are constantly paying too much attention to the wrong thing." She is a teacher and she went on to talk about how her kids with add and adhd can all describe the latest Eminen video with infintisimal detail down to "the color of the crack between his teeth."

She says I pay so much attention to the "wrong thing" that I am very rarely aware of what is going on around me. She displays all the symptoms of sa, and her therapist told her she believed survivors learn to increase thier attention to alarmingly high levels, to anything not going on around them in order to distract them.

I said that she made a good point.

Mo Healing


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#46384 - 02/21/03 12:05 PM Re: Wife made a good point last night
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Mo, you're wife is wise. Sure hits the nail right on my head!

What I have, I think, could be labeled "Attention
Displacement Disorder" = a problem with keeping my attention focused in the wrong places instead of on the right things.

Well, that's all we need--another disorder!

Quote:
survivors learn to increase thier attention to alarmingly high levels,to anything not going on around them in order to distract them.
Key word alarm, flight, fight or freeze response.
Attention radar set for anything threatening, but not for the good things in life. To distract us from our pain. Becuz we haven't always seen much of the good things in life.

But knowing about my "Attention Displacement Disorder," admitting it, helps. As does having an understanding wife, as you do, and other supportive persons who understand & care.

The kinds of people and things we really want to place our attention on...

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#46385 - 02/21/03 02:32 PM Re: Wife made a good point last night
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Hi. 6 months ago I was diagnosed with
Attention Deficit Yper disorder. I have had it all my life. As a kid I was always getting into trouble because 1) I found school boring 2) I could not study. I like to deal with the big picture and not be involved or interested in the process of geting there. I am impatient with myself and others. Any thing that really gets my attention I am very good at. As an example moving from survivor to taking control of my life. We ADHDers also cannot and will not read a manual. That is boring stuff. I dont watch what is on TV I watch what else is on. DRives my wife crazy as when I am watching tv I surf all night. TV basically is boring. Riding a bike is boring. Coming down a steep hill on a mountainbike; now that is exciting. Driving at the speed limit is boring; at 60 over it has my undived attention. Chain of command was no intrest for me. If the only that can give me what I need I go there directly. Pisses off a lot of people. My P and the web identifies with the lack of increase in electrical and chemical activity in the frontal lobes is at the root cause. Normal people, when they start to think show increases of activity in the frontal lobes. We are flatliners unless whatever it is really turns us on. EG moving from being just a survivor to moving through to self esteem and state of grace for ourselves. Adhders Must be contantly in motion. What has other people bouncing off the walls, adrenalin rush, actually alows us to concentrate. The vast majority of males who are incarcerated have adhd. We are risk takers plain and simple and the rush from adrenalin helps us to think and concentrate. When you add this coktail the SA you come up with a very potent mix. There are some excellent tests at the folloiwng web address. You man have to hunt around but they are all there.
http://www.add.about.com/library/blgeneraladult.htm

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#46386 - 02/21/03 09:38 PM Re: Wife made a good point last night
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
So far this post has my attention, oh boy, some of the stuff you guys are saying is too spooky for words.

Les, what your wife says makes so much sense.

Mike, were we seperated at birth ?

It's late here so I'll come back to this.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#46387 - 02/22/03 02:07 AM Re: Wife made a good point last night
Les_Angry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/06/02
Posts: 195
I think she's right in that I kept my mind going full blast 24 hours a day my whole life. Not with adrenaline and hands on stuff like you and Mike, Dave but with deep thinking and problem solving or just mental busy work. I thought I was a workaholic but maybe I was a thinkaholic. I had my breakdown after quitting a job to spend three months staying at home learning a new softwear program. I finally stopped trying to drown out the voice of the past and listen to what it was saying. Once I figured out what it was saying, my mind really went into ovedrive.


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#46388 - 02/22/03 01:00 PM Re: Wife made a good point last night
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Absolutely, running from dealing with abuse issues and especially thoughts works best by workaholing it. \:\) It worked for me for years!! The beauty part of workaholic is that society rewards the "hard worker" and it's easy to rationalize "being a good provider" because "I really like the work I do"! But when work stops - and it must - it catches up with us. \:\( But, man, it's so easy to justify and get credit for working! At times, I or usually my colleagues call my attention to the hours I put in... and they're smart enough to fall for BS. Wife has plenty god insight!! ;\)

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#46389 - 02/22/03 01:02 PM Re: Wife made a good point last night
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
oops!!!! They DO NOT fall for bs'ing!! \:o

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#46390 - 02/22/03 01:49 PM Re: Wife made a good point last night
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Hi Brothers. You found him and that is what is important. Treat him as you would any child. Love him, protect him, teach him, be there for him regardless, let more and more of him to maybe choose to have a helll of a meal and screw the consequences about your diet or whatever. There is always the next today to deal with that. Whistle a toon you like. Walk outside and show him the pleasure of wind through the trees. Diamonds on a lake under a full moon. The softness of a warm breeze, the pleasure of letting my see those that are his own age having fun.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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