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#463465 - 03/31/14 09:06 AM New here
lifescribe Offline


Registered: 03/31/14
Posts: 3
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Well, this is the place for new members to introduce themselves, but I will keep this brief. I was coerced into sex as a young boy (by an older boy) and then as a teenager (by an older man). In my twenties I was not particularly attracted to men but somehow they were attracted to me and sometimes I felt bad about rejecting their advances, so I ended up having sex with them. I was disgusted with myself but sexually aroused. Over time I realized that I craved the intimacy that they promised, but now I crave an intimacy that I don't know how to find, because I don't know what it is. I am married and try to find the intimacy with my wife, but it just makes me feel lonely. She knows something of my past and is supportive but doesn't know what she can do, or whether there really is anything that she can do. Anyway, thank you for listening.
_________________________
Peter J. Smith

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#463475 - 03/31/14 11:08 AM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1483
Loc: New England
Welcome Lifescribe,

The most important lesson you can learn here is that you are not alone, and that your experience may be similar to that of many others. We are not therapists, but we do "get it" and will not judge you.

Your intimacy issues are understood, and my experience has been that professional help has been needed to work on that. I hope you find your way to healing and remeber that you have 12,000 guys here who have your back.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#463479 - 03/31/14 12:12 PM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1554
Peter

Welcome and sorry you have to be here. CSA can leaves us void of emotions and make us unable to connect on intimate level or to accept love.

You are finding your way. Learning to speak about your abuse helps to set you free of the abuse and the abuser. You need to think of yourself first and you need to love yourself before you can truly love someone. Your wife is there for you, but you need to address the issues of the abuse. She should also seek some counseling because she is living with a survivor of CSA and your emotional distance will impact her.

Share when you are comfortable--as Jude said, we all have your back and know the emptiness the abuse leaves us with. With support and you have now taken a step forward by being here you will find your path to healing. It is not an easy road, it has many bumps and emotional ups and downs, but unfortunately there is no other way. We have buried the abuse for a lifetime and the emotions that were attached to the abuse and the abuser. Uncovering and accepting them are the challenges. But you have many to support you.

I wish you well.

Kevin

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#463482 - 03/31/14 01:03 PM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Welcome friend.

Sorry your membership here is needed, bu this is a great place to find out about what happened to us and how we move forward in life.

Best wishes in finding your way.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#463484 - 03/31/14 01:21 PM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 187
Loc: Canada
Hello Lifescribe,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad that you have chosen to join us here at MS.

As Jude had mentioned, we are not therapist here, but we get it, and that for me has been the most benefit.
Perhaps Jude, you or I don't have all the answers, but maybe 100 of us have 1% of the solution, there-in lies the strength of an ever growing group of survivors.

Welcome, take your time, speak your truth.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#463527 - 04/01/14 07:21 AM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
lifescribe Offline


Registered: 03/31/14
Posts: 3
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Thanks for all the support. I suppose it will take a while to get fully comfortable here, but it's nice to know that there are people here who understand and are willing to share both their needs and their caring.
_________________________
Peter J. Smith

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#463610 - 04/03/14 12:57 PM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 76
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Peter, welcome to this site. It has helped me a lot in understanding the consequences of the csa and accepting myself as I am.

I empathize with what you're saying. I've been married for 34 years and love my wife dearly, yet, strangely I still seek male intimacy.I keep on asking myself, "if I've been able to forge a deep relationship with my wife, where we are compatible, and enjoy each other on all levels, why am I seeking intimacy somewhere else?" I don't have an answer to this question, but I now know (thanks to MS) that my ssa is related to the csa, and have learned to accept myself as I am and not fight those feelings.

Other than in my thoughts and fantasies, I have been faithful to our marriage vows. I have no intention of changing this, and risk ruining what is the major source of happiness in my life.
_________________________
Jay

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#463661 - 04/04/14 05:05 PM Re: New here [Re: lifescribe]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3085
Loc: O Kanada
welcome to ms.org, lifescribe.

i echo your emotions.

this website is a huge resource and has helped me understand myself through others.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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