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#463466 - 03/31/14 09:08 AM A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 702
.


Edited by concerned_husky (Yesterday at 12:03 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.

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#463471 - 03/31/14 09:40 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 2251
Husky

Wow you have come a long way and you should not should have would have because we cannot change the past. I saw something today

I have a past
But I now longer live there

I too have journals during the time I unraveled. I re-read them every so often and realize the pain I had, the insights I had, but ignored, as to the cause of much of the pain and unraveling, my self destruction which I could not see because I did not know, writings I do not remember writing or written in my normal handwriting, and so much more. I find the words insightful and helpful to remind where I had been and what was happening around me. It makes me realize I never want to go back there or to those times.

Most of us were good kids, had dreams and a future filled with hope, and then one day it was robbed from us. I no longer say why didn't I tell about the abuse, why did I hide it, why did I allow myself to be revictimized over and over later in life, why when I was loosing time more rapidly than the norm for me did I not seek help. I now know I was not ready to face the past. I preferred to keep myself fragmented I thought--but I had developed this separateness to cope with the abuse and what was done. I cannot change the past and like you I now see myself in a new light, the good and bad.

The last few years for me, were bad and nearly took a permanent toll on me, but it was a time of facing the past, uniting myself as one, learning to love myself and the child within and accepting all aspects of the abuse.

Your writings are always insightful and makes me think about myself--which is a good thing--because it keeps me in check and encourages me to reflect on where I was and where I am today.

Thank you.

Kevin


Edited by KMCINVA (03/31/14 09:43 AM)

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#463472 - 03/31/14 10:16 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
Suwanee Offline
Chat Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 1007
Loc: Southeast USA
Husky,

Excellent work!

I've found that writing is probably the single most effective thing I have done to address the past and put it in some kind of perspective. Like you, I journaled extensively as a teenager. Reading it today reveals a teenager driven to succeed, but also one with fears and weaknesses. It's both awkward and comforting to read what that kid wrote once upon a time---and some of the insights I made then were rediscovered and at times became the basis for a few of my MS posts.

Keep on writing; keep on reading. We can't change the past, but we can reframe it if needed.

Will
_________________________
I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made. ---FDR

I AM

Cruel Summer
My Journal

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#463550 - 04/01/14 09:14 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 308
Loc: Germany
Husky, I must admit, your writing is refreshingly insightful and so well written. I am happy for you that you have this outlet, and also one too that you are able to share with others.

It is interesting that you started this thread now because I am writing a piece for my support centre about my trauma and recovery. I am working on condensing so much, giving myself a voice while also crafting a short memoir that is relevant and well-written. It is challenging and emotionally exhausting because I am going back in time and evaluating what I want to include, exclude, and how I want to represent certain phases of and events during my trauma. I hope the final product will be good!!

How do you decide what to include, how to condense, etc.? I am finding it quite challenging and I have been working on this project for almost a month now.
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#463555 - 04/01/14 11:44 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 702
.


Edited by concerned_husky (Yesterday at 12:04 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.

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#463573 - 04/02/14 07:54 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1056
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Husky,

I understand the great energy required to do what you are doing. It sounds to me you are integrating your experience--the precursor to wisdom and understanding. How smart of you to unconsciously have set it up this way. You are able to help you now in a way you weren't able to earlier. It has a real healthy feeling to it to me.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#463697 - 04/05/14 10:02 AM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
concerned_husky Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 702
.


Edited by concerned_husky (Yesterday at 12:04 PM)
Edit Reason: Walls up again.

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#463714 - 04/05/14 05:13 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
BraveFalcon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1224
Loc: The ATL

Hi Husky. Thanks for sharing this with us. Good luck moving forward with your book. It sounds like an ambitious project. I kept journals in my late teens as well and it's been a while since I've gone back and read them. In a way, it's kind of a painful thing to do. Reading the words of this lost, angry kid who had absolutely no direction at all in life whatsoever. A kid who was only beginning to realize how unbelievably fucked up he was and who was terrified of his future and of the world he saw around him. Not much of that has changed, only I'm older now. (Sigh).

Anyway, I hope you keep us posted on how the project is coming. Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Peace,

Ken

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#463721 - 04/05/14 09:07 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 308
Loc: Germany
Originally Posted By: concerned_husky
I'm still stuck in the same destructive cycles that have defined my life for close to a decade now.


Hey Husky!

I am writing more to my own little memoir now and decided to take a break and read any new comments on this post. What are the destructive cycles that you referenced? Have you been tackling them as its own stage in your trauma recovery? I found that for my destructive habits which I managed to control, I was re-traumatising myself by exposing myself to men and situations that were reminiscent of my abuse. I think taking hold of and ceasing these destructive cycles can be a tremendous break through in our trauma recovery. Because not only are you treating symptoms, but you are eliminating the continuing ailment at its root.

Big hugs to you, by furry, four legged, tenacious friend!!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#463722 - 04/05/14 09:29 PM Re: A Writing Project, Journals & Introspection [Re: concerned_husky]
focusedbody Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 428
Loc: NY
Husky:

As you and I discussed once before, integration kind of goes on its own pace, finding it's way with our help, but also when we allow things to happen rather than direct them.

That's what I like about your post. You are considering the possibility of creating a space for something, even as you reflect.

There is an exercise you might consider. It is mentioned in Howard Fradkin's book (he got it from someone else). The exercise is a conversation between the boy in oneself and the man. The conversation is written out using the non-dominant hand for the child within and the dominant hand for the mature adult.

Best to you in any case, my friend.

FB
_________________________
Lose the drama; life is a poem.

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