From my blog. sorry for being so long but it would take to long for me to rewrite it into a shorter version.

Prior to this Ernie had been abusing me for three years; then he introduced me to his wife and it happened in an odd way.



It was not long before Ernie was introducing me to his friends, much older than me but much younger than him. His friends were in their twenties, thirties, and younger. The first ones were twins from his neighborhood, they became regulars, and this began Ernie's introduction to his pedophile circle of friends. I was fifteen when I told Ernie I wanted nothing to do with these guys, he got very mad, so mad he really scared the hell out of me to the point that I was too scared to confront him again about it. I did my best to avoid these losers but when Ernie was involved, there was no way to avoid them. With each episode of abuse, which as an adult I have come to see it as violent rapes, I would retreat deeper into myself and build the emotional walls around myself a little higher and thicker. Whenever there were incidents I would mentally go somewhere else and just let what was going to happen - happen. If there was any good thing about all of this, I was able to establish a couple of lines they could not cross. I would not perform oral sex, and I would not engage in sodomizing them, for whatever reason Ernie respected this. Although I never did perform anal sex, I was physically forced to do oral sex from time to time; it made me sick and still makes sick to think about it. A couple of his later friends would get very physical and I took a punch or two to my head. In particular was an ex-marine just back from Vietnam who was a total nut case who Ernie invited to live with him. Bette had no say in it and she was not happy. He was always having flashbacks. One day Bette came home to find this nut case in some sort of altered state of mind and he did not recognize her. He had a knife at the ready and scared the hell out of Bette. A month later, he was gone. Of course, Bette wanted him to leave immediately, but Ernie in his manipulative ways allowed him to stay a month longer.
It didnít matter where we went or what we did, Ernie always had sex on his mind. He was very well connected and had many partners. I donít know how the hell I have never had a social disease. I am one very lucky person from that perspective. His connections were first, and foremost, teenagers who he insisted we have sex with each other. Many times Ernie had his camera and would take photographs. Thank God, there was no Internet at the time. Several were older teenagers eighteen and nineteen; others were older people he met at the porn store in Lynn where he worked at General Electric Corp. A couple of times it was with hitchhikers he had met. He quit trying things with hitchhikers when he picked one up who tried to rob and knife him. There was a car wreck as a result, no one was hurt. Ernie was one very sick human being. One thing is for sure, Ernie could have written the pedophile guide and a guide to sex addiction.
Until I was fifteen, his wife was not involved and I didnít believe she knew anything. I was too naive to know differently. This all changed one night when Bette was upstairs and Ernie started molesting me on the couch. I guess it was a thrill for him to be in dangerous situations where he may be caught. Some people are into that; sex addicts are notorious for this type of behavior. Anyway, Bette walked down the steps and caught him giving me oral sex on the couch. She was livid and made him take me home. I was glad we were caught. I thought, for a brief period of time, I had a way out. It was the next day when Ernie explained to me that he talked with Bette and everything was all right. I asked him what did he mean, and he really went off on me. At the time, nothing became of this incident and for good reason. This guy had a real temper. He always became incensed if he thought I was questioning him, for any reason.
A few months went by when Ernie told me we were going on a skiing trip to Vermont, and he needed me to get permission from my parents. They always gave me permission to go with them, if they only knew. We stayed at the Holiday Inn in Rutland, Vermont and it was New Yearís Eve. I don't remember which year but I believe I had just turned fifteen at the time. Anyway, just before we were going to bed, Ernie pulled me aside and told me Bette wanted to have sex with me. I was shocked and scared again. This had never happened before, on previous trips with Bette along, there was no sex and I was good with that. It was bad enough I believed I was going to hell for the sins I committed with Ernie, now I was going to commit adultery and that was a straight ticket to hell in my mind. Again, he was in control and at fifteen, I was introduced to sex with a woman. Bette was in her thirties at the time. And of course Ernie was involved and that really messed with my head.
This episode led to an entire slew of other emotions for me. First, I liked sex with women but felt very guilty about it and it took years for me to get over the guilt and I am not sure I have. Second, was the shame and failure I felt as a Catholic and a Christian. Now Bette was interested in me. Of course, Ernie told her she could not have sex with me unless he was involved and with Bette, this only lasted a little while. After a time, Bette began luring me into sexual situations, and would not let me tell Ernie. It was bad enough I lived my life in a constant state of fear over my involvement with Ernie, now I was placed in a situation where I think Ernie could become violent. I constantly struggled with my emotions, the fact is I preferred sex with a woman and wanted nothing to do with men. But Bette was married and that meant I was headed for hell. It really messed me up. Having already been screwed up by all the abuse from Ernie was bad enough. Now I had stepped over a dangerous and condemning line. I felt like the lowest of the lowest. At fifteen, I just wanted to die and I could not even do that because that was against Godís law. For the most part, and in many ways I had already died. My body had just not caught up. Again, there was no way out. In my mind, I was dammed if did, and dammed if I didnít. It was maddening. How the hell could any child develop normally after living in this psychological hell? The most precious years and most important years of development have been completely robbed from me and distorted. What I learned was survival. Every minute of every day became a constant need for survival.
Ernie was the predatorís predator. From the ďget goĒ he targeted his victims, as young as twelve. He nurtured me, lured me in with love, kindness, and promises of good things to come, and turned me into something I was never meant to be. He was very good at his craft and he never changed, even until his death in 1996.
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Thanks

rich

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