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#463423 - 03/30/14 03:38 PM Re: Out of control! [Re: Brandonflies]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 187
Loc: Canada
Brandon,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but hopeful for you now that you have arrived at MS.
I don't propose to suggest that we have all the answers, or that we can provide a means to heal outside of traditional therapy, but the acceptance, understanding, support and empathy from fellow survivors has for me, been a catalyst that has contributed greatly in my healing journey, I hope this too can be true for you.

As others have mentioned, the guilt, shame, SSA, and any other number of negative self assessments are all too common. I see them as a way our minds try to assume control over something we had no control over. It is a defense mechanism, as I see it, and is not at all helpful in terms of recovery.
If I can suggest nothing more, the blame belongs with the abuser, not with you. Accepting this will go along way to forgiving yourself.

Although I heard it on Oprah, the sentiment represents a truth as I see it, "we need to give up the hope that the past could have been any different".

I haven't read the book suggestion from Dave, although I will add that one to my list, I would suggest "victims no longer" by mike lew and "joining forces" by dr howard Fradkin. Victims no longer was more of an eye opener for me, where as joining forces has plenty of practical exercises meant to assist in working through the dysfunction we are left with.

Welcome, I am glad you have arrived, take care.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#463540 - 04/01/14 04:58 PM Re: Out of control! [Re: Brandonflies]
Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 85
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Brandon:

I am convinced that the compulsiveness and same sex attraction elements in my life are rooted in my csa.

For a long time I couldn't figure why I was addicted (compulsion) to viewing same sex internet porn, when I am a happily married man with children and grandchildren all of whom I love more than anything in this life. I couldn't figure out why I would be willing to risk all for something that didn't seem to fit with my personality.

What has worked best for me is a 12 step program, together with therapy. The 12 steps to deal with the behavior, and the therapy to look into its roots.

Wish you the best. In one way or another, we've all been were you are. You're not the only one, and you're not alone.





_________________________
Jay

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#463545 - 04/01/14 07:11 PM Re: Out of control! [Re: Brandonflies]
Frustrated Offline


Registered: 10/28/13
Posts: 192
I know exactly what you are going through for myself deal with ssa and compulsions it's a real pain in the ass. I am deep in it now starting to deal with it

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#463662 - 04/04/14 05:10 PM Re: Out of control! [Re: Brandonflies]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3336
Loc: O Kanada
welcome to this community of survivors. brandonflies.

your story made me mad and sad.
each and every time i hear about predators using employment as a weapon, turning a child's ambition into a vulnerability, it is a big trigger for me.
i am sorry to hear about what happened to you.

hope you find some goodness here.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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