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#463258 - 03/27/14 02:09 AM Hi There!
PlanForTheFuture Offline


Registered: 03/23/14
Posts: 3
Loc: TX
Hello!

It's a pleasure to meet everyone on this board. I admit, I have lurked here for a bit of time, and I am truly touched by everyone's stories, and the responses to them. I can say with absolute honesty, that there are some very brave souls on this site, as well as people with a wonderful capacity for empathy and understanding.

I have to admit, I am here with something of an agenda. I am not a survivor, nor am I a man (In truth, I'm a young woman in her early twenties) and I am hoping to pursue a degree in social work, and obtain my LCSW. I have had an interest in studying, and more importantly, helping to heal levels of trauma, since learning about it as I grew into adolescence, and hearing the stories of friends. I have worked at a Women's Shelter, as well as an EMT-B, both of which were quick to discuss the prevalence of sexual assault, and offer advice for helping to both care for, and empower, female survivors of sexual assault. However, the lack of information for helping male survivors is absolutely stunning. Even my teachers, whom have witnessed the aftermath of MSA, and know full and well it is an issue, have had little to offer in the way of help, though they gave the best advice they could.

I very much wish to become a competent therapist in this regard, and I find myself frequently frustrated by the lack of information available for the treatment of male survivors. In truth, I am afraid that I will make things worse in some regard, by emasculating patients, denigrating the circumstances, or falling into some other culturally reinforced nonsense. I have some training to help female survivors, but I know that that there are issues of gender that must be considered. For instance, women are given permission by society to express feelings of sadness, and are given permission to be vulnerable. I would like to help men feel capable of expressing the same grief, and I'm just not entirely sure how to do that, and not entirely certain that my education will offer me that.

My goal is to display empathy, and to help heal, as much as I am able. The last thing I want is to make someone's situation worse by some incompetence on my part. So, I thought that it would be wise to go right to the source.

If it's not too presumptuous, may I ask the members of this site what they wish for in a therapist, and how I could best help? Are there any considerations I should take into mind, because of my own gender? I hope that I have expressed myself well in this post, and I would like to thank anyone who takes the time to reply to this. It means a lot to me to be able to help efficiently, and to move past some of the misinformation about this subject. smile

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#463259 - 03/27/14 02:11 AM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
PlanForTheFuture Offline


Registered: 03/23/14
Posts: 3
Loc: TX
And, I just read that topics not pertaining entirely to introductions should be placed in another forum. I'm sorry about that. I should have paid better attention to the instructions. Would one of the moderators please move my topic to a more appropriate section? Thank you!

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#463427 - 03/30/14 04:21 PM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Hello plan,

I see that no one has chosen to reply to your post so I guess I'll take the leap myself.
I have seen several posts similar to yours, where I questioned the motivation of the poster, so I can understand why you're not getting much of a response.
I commend your pursuit of information that may be helpful for you, and hopefully this translates to anyone you may treat in the future.
For me, having been with only one therapist my sample size is limited, but my experience has been positive.
At this stage, I would say I would be looking for someone who, believes me, no matter what comes out of me, someone Who will maintain the trust I have placed in them, someone who can see when to push me and when to back off, someone who does not judge me or the things I may have done, or continue to do, someone with a great capacity for empathy, someone who is not addressing CSA for the first time, someone who is not self limiting (someone who will investigate, suggest other modes of therapeutic technique that could be helpful).
For me, at this point, little is off limits, so I am open to anything that may be of benefit to me, but my therapist brought me to this point as well.
I feel very lucky that my therapist is married to a man who suffered CSA as well, so her capacity to understand the effects, etc is very high.

That's all I can come up with right now. I hope this helps you and ultimately anyone you may treat in the future.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#463467 - 03/31/14 09:18 AM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
lifescribe Offline


Registered: 03/31/14
Posts: 3
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Plan,

I am a new member here, a victim as a child and adult. I am also a new LSW and want to help others out there in the big wide world, so I can understand your eagerness.

I just wanted to say hello.
_________________________
Peter J. Smith

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#463521 - 04/01/14 03:37 AM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
PlanForTheFuture Offline


Registered: 03/23/14
Posts: 3
Loc: TX
Hello Lifescribe and Adam!

Now that you mention it, Adam, I can see why I wouldn't get a lot of replies. All I have to go on is my word, and my saying that I've lurked around here before may come across as very invasive, and a breach of privacy, and even triggering, for which I'm sorry. I should have worded my introduction better, and it was not my intention to cause anyone discomfort. In truth, I originally considered offering support on the forums first, but I thought it would be dishonest of me to show up, and not state my intention to learn, as well as help.

But as I said, all I have is my word to go on, and I cannot expect that it will be taken simply because I give it. I have asked a very big question of the people on this board, I feel that trust must be earned, rather than given. No one should be expected to believe my goodwill simply because I say so. I should have been more tactful in my phrasing, as the last thing I want to do is cause anyone any discomfort, and impugn the safety of this board.

Adam, thank you very much for your reply. I will do my best to take it to heart, and to my teachings. Lifescribe, it's a pleasure to meet you too! Good luck with your studies, and thank you for the friendly hello!


~Plan

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#463535 - 04/01/14 12:30 PM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 188
Loc: Canada
Plan,

My intention was to simply express an observation of your post, not a criticism.
Your post differed enough from previous one's,that I chose to reply.
I've posted enough on here to realize that I have some anonymity, so I am not overly protective in that way. At least right now.
I try to avoid judgement, no should have's, could have's or would have's, I've done enough of that the last 30+ years.
These self judgements do not serve us well, in my opinion.

All any of us have to go on is our word, I don't want to question your intentions, just as I don't question the intentions of survivors or partners of survivors.
We're all looking for something, you're just looking for something different from me, and if the end result is helping another survivor, by proxy, then I am all for it.

I cannot speak for anyone else, but perhaps others don't feel they have much to offer. Perhaps they see no value to them in offering a reply.
Maybe they've gone through several therapists, or are still faced with issues of trust to allow them to provide any constructive feedback.
Maybe they are just wrapped up in their own recovery work, and your post simply does not fit their current needs.

Perhaps a post in the friends and family section might illicit more of a response.
These are the people who support our recovery efforts so they will certainly offer a perspective I cannot.

Keep well
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#463536 - 04/01/14 12:49 PM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1782
Just a quick reply

I needed to feel safe with a therapist, no judgment or preconceived ideas of who I was and what I had endured. Also my therapist admits he can understand from a clinical and emotional level my pain but knows he will never feel or totally understand the depth of the pain or damage done.

He made feel safe on all levels. He pushed but knows when to stop, he was sensitive and when I would at times begin to dissociate he was able to bring me back to the present.

The T does not make me feel threatened.

I believe we all reacted differently to the abuse and we all heal differently. There is no cookie cutter answer.

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#463663 - 04/04/14 05:14 PM Re: Hi There! [Re: PlanForTheFuture]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3550
Loc: O Kanada
all i can say is good luck and god bless you and your good intentions.
i appreciate your interest and desire to help and understand male survivors.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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