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#155370 - 05/09/07 09:25 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: Still]
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
I did not interact much with this person, so I guess I don't feel the same way as some others who have been really hurt. And I don't want to bust out with condescending platitudes like "I know how you feel", because - well, I don't.

But, for what it's worth, I'll share a bit of something; I've seen similar situations on other boards I've been on. I talked about them with some others last night. I call them "sympathy vampires". On most forums (MS is an exception - I'll get to that), they can be easy to spot eventually. They tend to make similar claims; they typically claim to be female, will make frequent off-topic posts referring to "her" personal life, and almost without exception claim to have been horrifically abused as children. But they don't stop there; their need for attention leads to them making ever more outrageous claims about themselves and their family situation. By the time they're finally "outed" and exposed, they'll have claimed to be a victim of dozens of different crimes, and sufferers of dozens of different (and usually terminal) serious medical ailments, over their lifetimes. In one particularly extreme situation, a certain sympathy vampire (who was starting to be widely disbelieved) threatened suicide and stopped posting. Then someone claiming to be her "sister from across town" registered and started posting, claiming that the SV actually "did it", and that she (the sister) came to this site (the forum I'm talking about, not MS) because "she mentioned it in her note". The site admins figured out the hoax and banned her.

Everytime this happened, VERY NICE people in those forums who initially trusted these people felt like rubes, and became very subdued. Sure, being led on and betrayed happens to everyone; but never so completely and to such a degree as on the internet. The internet's anonymity is as dangerous as it is beneficial; "on the internet", I remember one forumite saying, "nobody knows that I'm really a German Shepherd."

It's even more difficult in a place like this; the SV's are harder to spot because 1) this site deals with extremely personal issues as a rule and 2) we regularly hear about things so terrible that they are almost unbelievable - except for the fact that we know, personally, that they actually happen. Not only that, but the consequences for wrongfully identifying someone as a "troll" are much, much graver.

We can help people out here. We reach out to each other, despite our insecurity and trust issues. That is a virtue this place brings out in us. There will always be people who try to exploit the kind and selfless. I, for one, refuse to allow those people to turn kindness and selflessness into WEAKNESSES; they are STRENGTHS. "Easy for you to say," you might think - after all, haven't I admitted that I didn't have as much of a stake in this situation as some others? True; but, forget the source for now. It will take a couple of days for this thing to blow over - maybe more than a couple of days for some. But when that time is over, PLEASE be the same person you were before this mess started. It may make you angry, but it doesn't have to change who you are.



Edited by melliferal (05/09/07 09:27 PM)
_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#155373 - 05/09/07 09:30 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: melliferal]
dannym Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/24/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Perfecly said, Melliferal. Thank you!

Dan

_________________________
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

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#155374 - 05/09/07 09:35 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: roadrunner]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
Larry,

I appreciate the wisdom and calm in your post. I feel a sense of peace when I read what you have to say. When you summarized the things we all need to do in response to this person's betrayal, I could tell that you were right, and that this is a good process for all of us to follow.

Peace and love to everyone.

CB

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#155381 - 05/09/07 09:42 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: Chain Breaker]
Chain Breaker Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 376
Loc: Michigan
melliferal,

Thanks also for your wisdom and perspective. They are very valuable traits, for when you share them, you enrich everyone. Keep on posting, brother!

CB

_________________________
My name is Joe. I am a survivor and a good man. You can count on me.

CB

"[Insert your name here], I am [Chain Breaker]. Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that you will always be my friend?"
--Wind In His Hair, Dances With Wolves

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#155384 - 05/09/07 09:54 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: Chain Breaker]
VN Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/03/05
Posts: 723
Well, I know of such things happening before I come to here, and it do effect of how I feel here. There is people I trust, and people I do not know enough to. There is people that I do not feel comfortable sharing more with, and that is quite fine to me. I am here for myself. I am here for 'healing' of myself, and if I can offer help to anyone else, I will do so. But there is very few people here that I have communicate enough with that I have concern with outside of here. Perhaps it is not 'right' way to deal of it. But much of here, it disappear to me, emotionally, when I close off the computer. It do not mean that the lives of others is not real for them. But how much can truly be real for me? And I expect it, that for most people here, their thoughts or concerns on me will disappear as they turn off the computer also. That is just how it is to me here.

VN



Edited by VN (05/09/07 09:55 PM)

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#155407 - 05/10/07 03:18 AM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: MemoryVault]
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
My radar kicked in with the big brother thing, posted in F&F.
The dialogue did not make sense, ie, "I slapped him"! What for??
Thankfully, these things are few and far between, but we need to
be vigilant against these trolls.

Let us move forward from this episode,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#155409 - 05/10/07 04:28 AM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: reality2k4]
ak Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
This is happened few times before, but I been member here 3 years, and only few times. It is very hard, it is feel very much like 'betrayel of trust' when it do happen, and more difficult the more close you have got to the person. It is understandable that there will be upset, and people pulling back some their information, private information. I have done that also over the years I been here, most specially with my 'story'. I post it public, then delete, then post it on member side, delete. Finally, I think it was a year or such ago, I post it again, public, and just leave it. But I do not give so much information I use to on public forum, the more private information, anything that could maybe help to identify me 'outside' of here, I keep to certain people, or at least to member forum. We all must do what we feel comfortable of, and do what feels protective of ourself. I do not say it is anyone at fault, who get 'caught up' in this event, because I was caught up very much at last time this happen here, with member here, and it is what I have learned from. We are here responsible to ourself first, and we deserve the safety of taking our time to get to know someone else, and to trust if we have bad instinct of other persons.

Andrei


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#155663 - 05/11/07 02:53 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: ak]
coldwarrior Offline
New Here

Registered: 05/06/07
Posts: 24
Loc: Belgium
I have been around this website for a while now. I registered recently, wondering if I would active on the forum and such things make me sick...

Some people should be shot. For their own good and the good of all mankind.

Per Aspera, Ad Astra.

_________________________
Don't like my Oooah ? I love it.
But I have another :
Scutum Belgarum (Shield of the Belgians)

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#156624 - 05/17/07 09:26 AM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: coldwarrior]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
coldwarrior,

I see you are new on the site, so I just want to express a word of welcome. I'm glad you found us and I hope the site can help you. If you feel upset at any time, it's perfectly okay to back off a bit and then come back later when you feel better. Make yourself the prority here. Post and talk about things if you can; that always helps. But mainly come here with the idea you will be able to keep yourself feeling safe and comfortable.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#463147 - 03/25/14 02:49 PM Re: USE ME like the BITCH I AM! [Re: Still]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
felt like that for a long time
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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