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#462914 - 03/20/14 07:54 PM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 272
I feel like I'm losing it at this point i just, still not sleeping well, i mean avereging 3-5 hours a night sometimes nothing at all.
It makes everything else worse too i think, I just get those moods all of a sudden where nothing seems worth it anymore, you know, fck life, fck everything. I'm getting headaches I look like a zombie and feel like one, I can tolerate other people's stupidness or even just chatter anymore half the time and I'm more harsh in reacting to it rather then letting it slip or i just have to leave.
Running doesn't work anymore. I even had an.. idk i dont htink it was flashback, it was more of a hallucination i think, where i saw my father standing by the door with a belt in his hands and i freaked out but then it was gone.
I'm even afraid i wont even pass my exams this year, i cant remember a hting i read afterwards or whats said in class and my grades have already dropped from an average of an 8 out of 10 to a 6 so idk... ugh
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#462915 - 03/20/14 08:35 PM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 679
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Sven,

You have had a very, very rough time of it for a long time, Sven. It doesn't mean that you don't have the capacity for a long and happy life, but it does mean you will have to be able to bring your focus into the present and be able to put one step in front of the other and deal with the immediate present. It is the only way I have found to get through great challenges. So, it seems to me that right now your only focus can be on getting enough rest so your body and mind have the ABILITY to sustain you.

I don't know how you have to do it, but somehow you have to be able to get the help you need to have a reality base of what is possible for you RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow, next year, or next month. Just simply not being able to get the rest you need can cause severe problems as you are already seeing. So, I don't know what medical and therapeutic resources are available to you, but it sounds to me like you are describing a person in crisis. So, if you are in crisis you are going to HAVE to call in the resources to get the help you need. It doesn't sound like you are ABLE to do all this by yourself, and that sounds realistic to me. From following you for a good while now, it sounds like it is unrealistic to expect you to do this by yourself.

You are worth the effort, Sven. I hope you will ask for the help you need. This forum can offer a great deal of emotional support and encouragement, but it sounds like you are also needing the help of some real live humans on the ground where you physically are. I'm sending all the love and support I can over the air waves. I hope you are able to make the effort to find people where you physically live who can help you with any medications and crisis intervention type counseling you need to get you through this difficult time.

I am concerned with your descriptions of yourself, and hoping you find the emotional resources to reach out to ask for the help you need. Your job is just to ask for the help, not figure out what to do. It's someone else's job right now to help you. It's your job to ask.

I'm holding you in my thoughts,

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#463134 - 03/25/14 01:40 PM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
a lot to deal with at your age. any age for that matter. working with professionals is a good start and yes it probably is depression. I hope you understand that all you are going thru now will be for the best in the long run. i wish when i was in high school i had the opportunity to bring the legal stuff to my abuser, but i didn't. It would have been hard but in the end you will be heard and empowered.

stay strong and good luck.
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#464638 - 04/27/14 10:11 AM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 272
i feel like giving up
i want to
i dont know why
just do - not sure what to do
well i have an idea but i cant talk aboutit im not even sure if im imagining things or whats real thinking about it
think i'll go on another run maybe it will calm me down a bit
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

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#464641 - 04/27/14 11:32 AM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 679
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Sven,

I'm sending you an extra dose of support today. I'm sorry you are feeling so down.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#464676 - 04/28/14 02:41 AM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 272
It scares me, moods like that.
Not being sure of whats real or not
Sudden urge to do something dumb
Wanting to talk but not being sure how or what to say
Its to much
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#464677 - 04/28/14 02:44 AM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 945
Loc: southern California
Hey, Sven,
Sounds like you're in a rough season. What does "giving up" mean to you right now?
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#464680 - 04/28/14 04:27 AM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 679
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Sven,

It was hard for me to break through personal taboos about talking. I had so many internalized messages from abuse that told me I wasn't worthwhile, nobody would believe me, someone would hurt me, and on and on and on...... Endless. Of course, none of them were or are true. But it was hard. I understand how hard it can be to talk, but expressing myself has always helped me to organize and make sense out of the craziness that screeches through my head most of the time. It doesn't freak me out much any more. Now, it's kind of like an old friend that I send love to, but don't allow it to influence my life very much.

Glad you're here, and glad you're talking at the level you can right now.

Keeping you in my thoughts.


Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#464715 - 04/28/14 04:28 PM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
Sven Offline


Registered: 07/29/13
Posts: 272
just give up all together
nothing can be worth years or decades of more of this crapp
something happened... but its like a dream when you think about it you can remember some of it but the details they slip away.
i have this.. these feelings.. under control but then something happens.. or no reason at all.. and i fall again
_________________________
In the howling wind
Comes a stinging rain
See it driving nails
Into souls on the tree of pain
From the firefly a red orange glow
See the face of fear
Running scared in the valley below
~ Bullet The Blue Sky - U2

Top
#464717 - 04/28/14 05:18 PM Re: Depression or... ? [Re: Sven]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 753
Loc: michigan
sven man
There are literally thousands of men in your corner man. you are right in the thick of the struggle and have way more to deal with then anyone should. I hope that you can know this, you are a great man! always were. dude it is not surprising that you would struggle with some depression and even more. first breathe. long strong and healthy breaths to clear your mind. Then look to find someone who can help you find your way through. this site is a great help but we cant be there near you much as we might would like to. find a rape crisis center,a counselor, a support group even an aids support group. somewhere that you can find a real person to talk to. this does not have to be anywhere near the end man there are possibilities you will not even be able to think of for some time now. I hope you will hod on man give your life a chance to settle and see what can be I know it is so possible it will just take time dude. but
YOU ARE WORTH WHATEVER IT TAKES.I promise
jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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