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#462922 - 03/21/14 02:15 AM Just joined and thinking alot
Justtroy Offline


Registered: 03/17/14
Posts: 8
Loc: australia
Hi guys
just seeing how you guys went when you first joined?
as since i have just joined i find myself thinking about things a lot more. i am starting to think that as much as i am getting things of my chest and on with life OK i feel like i might be doing more harm than good.
so my question is when you first joined did this happen to you

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#462923 - 03/21/14 04:23 AM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: Justtroy]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 753
Loc: michigan
hey troy
short answer YES. when I first came to MS I found out I was not sick,I was not going insane and I was NOT ALONE. it was the most amazing feeling I cant even begin to describe the relief. but I did become obsessed with learning more,I found myself in chat constantly and it was a bit of a rough ride. thing is the feelings are there ignoring them cant make them go away. I think what I am finding is just a more honest way a "real" way to deal with them. it is hard as hell at times, but you are worth it.
Jeff
_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#462924 - 03/21/14 06:17 AM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: Justtroy]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 670
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Troy,

I remember years ago when I got sober with AA there was a saying about when one quits drinking--"The good news is your feelings return. The bad news is your feelings return." It seems to me that's true of anything where buried feelings, emotions, memories are dealt with. I don't postpone looking at things without very good reasons. So, don't overwhelm yourself. Don't push yourself. Learning to set reasonable limits and boundaries with MYSELF has been crucial to managing and healing the long term effects of abuse. Racing around in fear and urgency has always produced unsatisfying results for me. You are worth all the time and all the energy it takes. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare.

Welcome to the site and take things as slowly as you need to feel comfortable. I find taking things slowly gives me the time to understand and integrate my experience as I go along. That way I don't need as many remedial lessons. Falling and scraping my knees always hurts.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#462926 - 03/21/14 07:13 AM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: Justtroy]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
I remember when I joined. I had begun therapy and the nightmares and flashbacks were coming with a vengeance. I was still trying to push the past down. I began to tell my story here and everywhere. I could not understand why I felt beaten when I was supposedly healing. I always had MS 24/7 to vent and seek support. As time moved on and I continued healing MS was still here to support me.

Unfortunately the healing process requires work and facing the pain we buried for decades. Stick with it and you will begin to see a life that is yours and not always overshadowed by the abuse. Share when you feel comfortable and safe. Surround yourself with caring and kind people. Your environment is important as I learned from my T and doctor's. It took time for me to accept.

MS is here and remember our support is not judgmental. It is from a place we can understand and relate.

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#462927 - 03/21/14 07:25 AM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: Justtroy]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
When I joined I was more in a bit of denial.

Then I gradually realized and felt my CSA at a more conscious level. Less of a 'not that bad' thing. More honesty with myself.

But I still felt a self guilt. I felt ashamed my body responded. I felt like a 7 year old kid can actually consent to sex.

So with a clearer picture and present tense feeling to my CSA, it was definitely worse....

But I gradually learned that it was not my fault. A child can not consent to see. I learned perps will groom, or brainwash a kid. I accepted that my penis responds to stimulation, regardless of by whom. Just so much false guilt and manipulation in my head.

In time I grew mentally from the age of 7, that I was locked in. I was stuck at 7, guilty, confused, and afraid.

It was a massive life changing thing for the chains to fall off my soul. This place has literally let me feel free.

Yeah, I got sexually abused as a kid, but I didn't die, didn't stay there, and I have a life to live.

There is life after this crap. Don't give up on yourself. It can get better.

Remember, it was not your fault. A child can not consent to sex. You can move forward from it.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#462957 - 03/21/14 07:38 PM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: Justtroy]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 325
Loc: Iowa, USA
Justtroy

I can relate to your experiences. I had buried my life experiences for 40 years. I learned that keeping them down is not the same as forgetting them. When I admitted the truth of my story, started therapy, and decided to face my past, all the memories roared back. This time they all appeared at once. I was forced to face decades of memories and experiences all at once. I wasn't prepared and wasn't able to handle it all. The thrill I felt for being honest with life was replaced with anguish and pain. I did question if I'd made the right decision. In time, things got better. I still face the past and flashbacks still happen, but overall opening up has made life better

Dave

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#463001 - 03/23/14 12:46 AM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: don64]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 314
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: don64
Hi Troy,

I remember years ago when I got sober with AA there was a saying about when one quits drinking--"The good news is your feelings return. The bad news is your feelings return." It seems to me that's true of anything where buried feelings, emotions, memories are dealt with. I don't postpone looking at things without very good reasons. So, don't overwhelm yourself. Don't push yourself. Learning to set reasonable limits and boundaries with MYSELF has been crucial to managing and healing the long term effects of abuse. Racing around in fear and urgency has always produced unsatisfying results for me. You are worth all the time and all the energy it takes. Remember the story of the tortoise and the hare.

Welcome to the site and take things as slowly as you need to feel comfortable. I find taking things slowly gives me the time to understand and integrate my experience as I go along. That way I don't need as many remedial lessons. Falling and scraping my knees always hurts.

Don


Just giving this response by don64 an echo. Good advice.

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#463196 - 03/26/14 07:43 AM Re: Just joined and thinking alot [Re: Justtroy]
Justtroy Offline


Registered: 03/17/14
Posts: 8
Loc: australia
Thanks all much appreciated
am talking to another member about some t options.

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