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#462789 - 03/18/14 06:02 AM Re: How men participate in the dynamic. [Re: gaatt]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 663
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi Gaatt,

My father is a retired marine (not an officer) and a southern baptist preacher. I did an eighteen day personal growth retreat about 20 years ago where rebirthing and time line regression back to in utero were the main elements of the retreat. We reworked up to age 12. This was the beginning of me waking up.

I was 53 before remembering sexual abuse from my father, and 63 before remembering sexual abuse, physical abuse and torture from my mother. Soon to be 65, it is only in the past few months I am satisfied with my process. It has taken nearly 65 years for me to sufficiently move out of "other" (hmmm...similar to mother isn't it) dependent to begin finding a me as my reference point. The cultural context you and FB talk of regarding your mothers is the same for mine. Sounds like your mothers may have had a bit more personal resources to work with than mine.

I'm enjoying following this topic. It is bringing some fresh air into my own inner places, and I find myself taking some more relaxing breaths on many levels. Though I am gay, that feels a very superficial difference in this context. My mother's deep resentment of having to care for children with a husband frequently away in the military was a very damaging and crazy-making situation for me. I am finally making headway in teasing the damaged infant and toddler away from the aggressive dependent addiction to my mother's energy and breathe some safety and nurturing from myself into the mix.

Thanks for the opportunity to express this in a context where it feels like I may be seen by others.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#462812 - 03/18/14 02:37 PM Re: How men participate in the dynamic. [Re: don64]
gaatt Offline


Registered: 11/02/08
Posts: 110
Hi Don,

Thanks for joining us.

I now see the military as kind of an extreme of what is normal in our culture. If we value power over others as the foundation to most, if not all, of our relationships, then the military is simply the ultimate expression of that dynamic.

It's amazing how long it takes for this stuff to surface! I was told that it takes a certain amount of time before we feel safe enough to feel it. The abuse of my connection to my mother surfaced in my awareness a year before my father died of cancer. I openly offered to support him when he was really sick and found that he wasn't able to receive that offer. He was utterly dependent on my mother. I found it confusing how the gruff aggressive stance he often displayed hid a deep weakness, fear, and vulnerability. I was also intrigued at the relief I felt when he died. Apparently this is common to people who were abused as kids. It also opened the door for me to setting strong, healthy boundaries on my mother's behaviours without risking the effects of his over protectiveness and aggression.

Glad to hear that you are making headway in your healing process. Thanks for writing.

Sincerely,

"GAATT"
_________________________
"Love yourself and watch...Today, Tomorrow, Always." Buddha.

My Story: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=468661#Post468661

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