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#463260 - 03/27/14 04:41 AM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jake123]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1596
Loc: New England
Try visiting www.yourbrainonporn.com. There are alot of good articles about breaking the porn/masturbation habit, and links to other rescources as well.
_________________________
Seems I've got to have a change of scene
Every night I have the strangest dreams
Imprisoned by the way it could have been
Left here on my own or so it seems
I've got to leave before I start to scream
Joe Cocker

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#463285 - 03/27/14 06:31 PM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: EdfromNYC]
Jake123 Offline


Registered: 03/10/14
Posts: 19
Thank you for the post with such detail. My uncertainty of my sexuality haunted me for the longest time. I decided at 40 to find out--Was I gay? So I sought out other men and had multiple "hook ups"...with some very good looking, straight type guys". No judgement. What astonished me was--after such an event, all I wanted to do was hook up with a woman. Any understanding on that one? I tried my hardest to prove after all the years of denial, that I "was" gay!" And I couldn't! How could it be?

so I believe I am finally done with that one after having been engaged to a "woman" 1 1/2 yrs ago, after 4 years of dating. Needless to say, the engagement was broken mostly by her for the most odd reasons I had ever heard from her. I finally had decided she was "the one"! But it didn't work it and it hasn
t deterred me. I still want to be married. At 58 I decided time to grow up! smile Sounds so odd to say.

The masturbation was my very very safe, safety net I think.
As I struggle to give it up as if it was "candy", I find myself having feelings of joy, etc, I didn't think I would ever have.

Thanks for sharing!

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#463306 - 03/28/14 07:20 AM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jake123]
Jed777 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/10
Posts: 44
Loc: New York State
Jake,

You found more than just another guy. You struck a chord with many of us.

In 1965 I knew I was masturbating way too much. I would often get raw and even break the skin. I had to be careful until it healed. I went to the local college library and furtively read the Kinsey Report on Sexual Behavior in the Human Male. In that book I found out that I was masturbating much more than most men. I was only 16, but I took the statistics to relate to me. I was masturbating at least 21 times a week. At least three times a day. Twenty-one times a week was on a par with men in prison in the study. I couldn't stop masturbating and only with enormous effort could I go a day or two without masturbating.

It was more than self-medication. It was my connection to my body. I was hiding out in my head to the extreme. Even after marriage, I still always masturbated a lot. Even right after sex with my wife, I would still need to masturbate.

Four years ago I went to a sex therapist to deal with my sex addiction. She said that to be sexually sober included being full engaged with my wife and giving up masturbation. Wow! I could not imagine that as possible. My church recommended abstinence from masturbation, and I carried a sense that I was dirty because of my masturbation. In these four years I have had great experiences in therapy. I have connected to other men in a healthy positive way. I have prayed and felt cared for and healed. Last October I completed a year without masturbating. Unbelieveable! I then had an incident in which I masturbated once. Now I have been abstinent since October. It feels great to be free. I feel calmer and less stressed. This is an unimagined contradiction. In the past I masturbated to calm down.

I don't want to say that abstinence can come before some healing. At least not for me. I am saying there is hope for healing. I was a victim of sexual abuse. Happily, I am no longer a victim of compulsive masturbation.
_________________________
Jed777

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#463311 - 03/28/14 09:16 AM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jed777]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
"I was a victim of sexual abuse. Happily, I am no longer a victim of compulsive masturbation."

Untangling the masturbation piece is really helping me untangle the sexual abuse piece. It is allowing me, as painful as it is, to move on from the past.

I like what you wrote about hiding out in your head. Me too. I am now coming out of it with a lot of help (including here! this has been a great thread for me) and seeing how much of my life was unlived since I was living in my head and not connected to others.

Good for you and the year free from this isolating behavior.
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#463319 - 03/28/14 12:26 PM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jake123]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
I have done a lot of research on this question when i was in recovery because i had to wonder if i had a sexual addiction issue. To my surprise - I found that masturbation even in older adults is very common and frequent. While the motivations are different for each of us it is not uncommon for adults to masturbate daily. This goes for women also. I was surprised that the frequency of my masturbation was very normal.

According to my research teen age boys and girls masturbate from 0 to eight times a day. So i guess the question is - is it a healthy motivation or a triggered one.

for wtat it is worth.

thanks

rich


Edited by jas4159 (03/28/14 12:27 PM)
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#463326 - 03/28/14 01:28 PM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jake123]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 507
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Wow.

I don't have any insight into this issue, I am sorry for your problems in this area.

Just want to say that your open and honest talks about this very personal subject make me proud - not only of all of you - but also for me to be a part of this brotherhood. Thank you all for being so honest and understanding and helpful with each other.

Though I am not a compulsive masturbator (I don't think, anyway), I learned a lot by reading this thread. For instance, one guy wrote that he fears other men and that he needed to dispense with a child's way of thinking so he can "grow up" and feel like a man. I can relate to both of these issues.

Anyway, thanks to Jake123 for starting this thread, and thanks to all those who contributed to it so far.

To be very honest - you guys help me to fear men less. If there are honest and understanding and helpful men like you in this world, maybe there's a chance for me to overcome my fears and befriend other males, and feel like I fit in as a man.

With appreciation and brotherly love,

Bobcat
_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

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#463341 - 03/28/14 07:26 PM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jed777]
Jake123 Offline


Registered: 03/10/14
Posts: 19
Thank you for your comments...they hit home for me too! I believe I have stayed single due to my addiction, which at the time I didn't realize was an addiction. But I understand every word of what you said and are saying. I hope I can be as successful. I want to be married. I want sex and love to be more connected. Maybe not all the time smile You know what I mean. Your words mean a lot. thanks for the candor

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#463378 - 03/29/14 02:46 PM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jake123]
Hartdaddy Offline


Registered: 10/18/13
Posts: 13
Wow this string has hit on so many issues that I have struggled with as long a I can remember. Masturbation and Porn have been my drug of choice for so long, I can hardly remember a time without them. From the beginning they were like my best friend, they were always there for me. If life got too tough, or lonely or I just needed to escape for a while they would transport me to another reality. Early on in a way they saved my life. One thing they helped run from was the very reason why I am here the SA that occurred when I was 5-6 years old. I never quite knew how to deal with what happened to me, and with my friend, I never had to. When ever the pain would I would just self medicate myself out or this world to another. This went on for years until I finally began to notice that the drugs I was so used too taking no longer worked as well as they had before, so as any good friend would do he introduced me to stronger medications. I began to notice that the drug its self (the act) was not as strong as the pursuit of it was. In fact the act only left me feeling disappointed and empty inside. It was such a let down that almost as soon as it was over in needed another fix to offset these feelings. The pain it caused, that sick to your stomach almost desperate feeling of needing some sort of relief, the escape I so longed for was not happening. It just left a bigger hole than the one I had tried to fill. At this point I was trapped and I wanted out. I realized my friend had betrayed me. My ex-friend, this voice from deep inside was telling me there was only one way out, death. It is funny how sometimes the truth is hidden in a lie. The way out was not death of self but death to self. I will end here since at this point this post would best be continued in a forum more suites to discussing matters of faith.

One last thought, pain is a funny thing, we deal with it now or we will deal with it later, but either way we will have to deal with it. I thing I have learned the hard way, when you stock pain for years and allow it to fester, it will rear it's ugly head in a very destructive way. Pain is necessary it is there to remind us we are alive.

Dave

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#463386 - 03/29/14 06:46 PM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: Jake123]
Jake123 Offline


Registered: 03/10/14
Posts: 19
"we deal with it now or we will deal with it later, but either way we will have to deal with it"--

"The way out was not death of self but death to self"---this statement troubles me dude...I am fearful there is more to this comment there your past pain...please consult with someone more equipped to handle what appears to be a serious topic for you my friend. I have been to multiple therapist etc, to get this far. It is not an easy topic in any forum. Thanks

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#463407 - 03/30/14 07:55 AM Re: Compulsive Masturbation [Re: EdfromNYC]
Jed777 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/13/10
Posts: 44
Loc: New York State
Ed,

It takes a lot of help to come out of it.

Thanks for the "me too."

As my emotional barriers melt, I am discovering there is a lot of genuine, caring, human warmth waiting for me.
_________________________
Jed777

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