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#462399 - 03/11/14 12:44 PM Giving a .....
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I have noticed the more and more at peace I feel with me, the less I need external approval. It has been gradual.

I have been too concerned with pleasing others for self esteem in my past. It has been a slow process to feeling better about me.

I harp on how my CSA was not my fault, I could not consent. It seems to be the key for me personally in gaining some self respect.

I know it is nothing dramatic sounding, but it has been a gradual repair to my soul. I used to feel like I leaked self respect and love. I still like to flirt with women at work on occasion, but just that. I have been learning to say no without feeling like a bad person.

Ever so slowly sliding in to normalcy. Funny. I have noticed as well that I am more comfortable with a more adventurous love life with the wife.

So the magic bullet for me is dropping the guilt. It feels good no to feel guilty for getting sexually abused. The abuse was bad enough. To own it like it was my fault was evil.

Go well my brothers


Edited by On The Fringe (03/11/14 12:47 PM)
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#462401 - 03/11/14 12:48 PM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 690
Loc: Southeast USA
I could have written that myself---and maybe I have in some form or another. I feel the same way. Exorcising the shame and guilt was THE key to moving past old roadblocks.

Thanks for sharing that insight.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#462414 - 03/11/14 09:00 PM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
blockade Offline


Registered: 11/10/13
Posts: 15
That's great On The Fringe. It's good to read positive outputs on here. I sometimes find I feel very depressed soon after reading a few things on here as a lot of stuff reads like there's no hope.
I try to believe in the power of positive thinking.

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#462450 - 03/12/14 08:47 AM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
I posted this for exactly your reason. Sure there is bad. But I have been reminded so often that bad things happen to everyone. My ex wife's grandmother was robbed and raped at 70 something! How evil.

I have been advised to not look for CSA under every rock when I stub my toe on one.

Life is good and can be fulfilling. I have enjoyed the positive comments on this board.

As a man thinks, so he is. Since my abuse was in the past and the solution is in the present, I am focusing on the present solution. It felt like getting over the shock value of my abuse helped. Just saying it matter of factly. Yeah. I did that as a kid. So what... Can't change the past. But I can focus on now.

Go well.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#462456 - 03/12/14 09:53 AM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
good stuff and i can relate
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#462459 - 03/12/14 10:55 AM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1551
On The Fringe

You sound as though you are no longer on the fringe but rather engaging in life. That is wonderful.

I too have your feelings of peace and acceptance of self. It has been extremely rewarding and has given me my life back.

Kevin

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#462483 - 03/12/14 09:08 PM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
blockade Offline


Registered: 11/10/13
Posts: 15
Hear hear, on the fringe. We must live for the present as best we can and as hard as it may be, try forget things that bring us down.
Life is a rough ride at times but we should try make the best of our situation.

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#462593 - 03/14/14 09:46 AM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: blockade]
On The Fringe Offline


Registered: 09/21/13
Posts: 326
Loc: Southeast USA
Originally Posted By: blockade
Hear hear, on the fringe. We must live for the present as best we can and as hard as it may be, try forget things that bring us down.
Life is a rough ride at times but we should try make the best of our situation.


I see so much posted on old memories triggering fears and pain.

The thing I am trying to resolve is why think back? What is to be gained? It seems that once initial progresses made, there is no need to focus on the past abuse.

If I think on those things with no constructive reason, what else should I expect?

In a strange way I have to say that I sent thru a time of morbid reflection. It was almost like a porn addiction I did not understand.... But it was my memory.

Then it was enough. Done.

Time to take one step forward. Just one. And in time, another.
_________________________
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.

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#463144 - 03/25/14 01:56 PM Re: Giving a ..... [Re: On The Fringe]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
the peace you feel is a real indication of wounds healing. it is a wonderful and empowering feeling to know we can win over the abuse. continued success.

thanks
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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