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#462152 - 03/06/14 09:25 PM Phase Two
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
I've been at this for some time now and have fortunately experienced some real progress in confronting CSA. I disclosed the abuse to my wife, a therapist, a childhood friend and ultimately my parents. I felt energized after each step-even though the euphoric feeling of "getting it done" faded in time. To be sure, a lack of "euphoria" does not seem to equal "depression" or "anhedonia." I suppose I could say almost "balanced" instead.

What I have found is that the CSA seemed to be a logjam of sorts. I'm now managing the restored flow of other unresolved issues that are (perhaps) peripherally related to the CSA. For example, I am examining my relationship with my father. He and I are much closer now than we ever were when I was a kid. For those who haven't heard the situation: My father worked A LOT. He traveled A LOT. He missed many, many things at home--simple things like conversation and swim meets while he was traveling the world. At the time he justified his absence as a necessary evil to provide a comfortable living. What he did in effect was replace his presence with material things as a demonstration of his affection. My T sessions are now monthly, and this is the direction we've been heading lately.

Today, my father regrets being away so often. I've tried to reassure him that I turned out just fine, but the elephant in the room still remains. I'm a CSA victim perhaps because of his frequent absence. I craved male attention and unfortunately found it.

This is Phase Two.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#462158 - 03/06/14 11:46 PM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1046
(((( Will ))))

We are with you in every phase.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#462162 - 03/07/14 01:38 AM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
DavoSwim Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/06/13
Posts: 336
Loc: Iowa, USA
Will

I admire you for tackling this issue. As personal as it is for you, it likely is a common experience for many of the guys here. Please let us know how things go. I wish you the best as you continue to heal.

Dave

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#462175 - 03/07/14 05:56 AM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
BraveFalcon Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 1147
Loc: The ATL

Hi Will. It's amazing how much your relationship with your father parallels my relationship with my own. Mine never traveled but he might as well have. Many days he was off to work before we left for school and didn't get home until after we went to bed. On the weekends he was buried in paperwork and normally didn't have time for much else. Like you, now we are closer than we ever have been but, like you, there are definitely some "elephants in the room." Good luck with phase two, man. Let us know how that goes. Peace,

Ken

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#462179 - 03/07/14 10:26 AM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
CafeMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/18/13
Posts: 151
Loc: Chicago
One thing CSA does for us is sometimes advance our maturity and grasp of an issue. Granted some issues are a struggle and perhaps remain unknown. However, I have encountered with age a sense of maturity to look at the situation from all sides. It seems that you are doing that for yourself.

Good for you!

-Nick

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#462207 - 03/07/14 10:52 PM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
(((Will)))
I wish your dad had been there for you when you were young.
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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#462252 - 03/09/14 12:32 AM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 300
Congradulations.

Feels pretty good to make progress doesn't it?

stay strong

rich
justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#462275 - 03/09/14 03:03 PM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 918
Loc: New York
It is so important for recovery to be goal-oriented, demarcated, stratified. You have made remarkable progress confronting so many issues of pain and confusion. It can only help to be able to mark off certain aspects as fully explored, and if that's what you feel they are then that's what they are. I know you'll be just as brave in dealing with the next phase(s) as you have been already.

This bookends wonderfully with KMCINVA's recent post about how his T recommended a new phase approach and his friends then threw him a congratulatory party. People need to see that hope can be true, even after decades. That you're not generating cold fusion or cloning dinosaurs - that it IS possible to feel better, and then move on to other ways of integrating the sad truth of SA into your life.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of Heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#462419 - 03/11/14 10:08 PM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
Suwanee Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 759
Loc: Southeast USA
Thank you all.

Dad and I are having lunch this Friday. I may even talk him into going on a hike in the mountains with me. I've never backpacked overnight with my dad. He just never cared for that kind of thing.

Now, I want to show him some of the places that are special to me…and take time to talk about why they are special to me.

Will
_________________________
Cruel Summer
My Journal

-Signs and traces left in stone
Ruins of a past unknown-

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#462439 - 03/12/14 12:34 AM Re: Phase Two [Re: Suwanee]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
It sounds as though you've experienced some deep healing. That's excellent.

Puffer

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