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#462196 - 03/07/14 07:11 PM Male Survivor Book Club?
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
Has anyone ever tried to do an MS book club?

I'm thinking we pick a book, read an agreed upon portion each week, then meet in chat at a specific time to talk about what we read and what we took away from it.

Anyone interested in giving this a try?

The idea came to me because I read Victims No Longer by Michael Lew recently. I devoured it quickly, and although I thought it was excellent, I'm not sure I got everything out of it that I could get out of it. I'm thinking of re-reading it more slowly, and I'm curious if anyone wants to read it with me?

I'm also really curious what books others have found helpful, and getting together to talk about them.

What do folks think?
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

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#462290 - 03/09/14 07:58 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i would be interested.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#462298 - 03/09/14 10:19 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Yes I would be interested.

They had a book club starting when I first became a member. We only had one session and then it folded. We were starting to read The Knights Templar (the novel). I never really got it started.

I read slowly but I have about a dozen books which I read at a time. I've been reading about MKUltra because I believe I was put through that mill as a boy. It might not be what everybody wants to read about. It involves DID and manufacture of DID in people.

Puffer

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#462390 - 03/11/14 05:53 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 192
I'm interested. Tho i haven't read Victims No Longer yet. I'm not sure i will because it scares me. Some of the workbook style books might be good to do as a group because they usually ask you to think or write about stuff. If you ever want to set up a books to read to your kid self group i'm totally in. I just read this book called Owls in the Family. Its a really awesome kid story.

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#462440 - 03/12/14 12:56 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Loc: Cascadia
Right now I am far to busy as it is but once exams are over (April) I should have a lot more free time and I would like to participate.

I haven't read any of the books on MS stuff. I did start a book on adult attachment styles to help me navigate my relationship. But between my partner who trained in counselling psychology and my counsellor I'd pretty much been told all the content.
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#463287 - 03/27/14 07:43 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
I'm ready to try to get an informal MS Book Club started. I think the books should be as much of a group decision as possible. If you're interested in participating, please answer these two questions:

1) Do you want a book that is specifically about CSA recovery, like
  • Victims No Longer by Michael Lew
  • Beyond Betrayal by Richard Gartner

Or a book that is about self-improvement more generally, like
  • The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions, by Christopher K. Germer, Sharon Salzberg

Or, something else?

2) Are there days and times that are particularly good or bad for a discussion in the chat room? I had been thinking Monday evening.

I'm looking forward to getting started.
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

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#463298 - 03/27/14 11:29 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
Maybe a book on PTSD?

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#463302 - 03/28/14 04:33 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Cthulhu Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/13/13
Posts: 134
Loc: Cascadia
Landscape,
I like the idea of the mindful book, but also like puffers idea of a PTSD book.

Not a huge fan of the idea of reading, or rather starting with the CSA specific books.

Monday evenings I don't get off work and back home until about 7PM EST

Tuesdays, Thursdays or Sundays would work best for me. Wednesdays definitely wouldn't work for me.
_________________________
“what matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
-Charles Bukowski

some context

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#463424 - 03/30/14 03:53 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3373
Loc: somewhere in Africa
i could do any evening except Wed or Fri.

i am open to various topics but would prefer a CSA-related one.

lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#463457 - 03/31/14 05:49 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
txb Offline


Registered: 02/03/13
Posts: 192
Landscape, did you know you can start a private message thread and add up to 20 people on it? It might make it easier to do that than trying to find a time that suits everyone. I live in a completely different time zone too, so whatever times suit me probably won't suit anyone else.

Reading specific CSA related books scares me but maybe it wouldn't be so bad to read it in a group. Self compassion sounds good too. I probably need some of that.

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#463498 - 03/31/14 05:46 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
Thanks TXB. I didn't know that.

I'm open to the idea of doing a discussion asynchronously via the forums or PM, but think we'd all benefit from the real-time interaction. Hoping we can find a good time.

I'm going to give it a few more days to see if there is anyone else interested and get more input from those that are.
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

Top
#463533 - 04/01/14 10:43 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
We don't have to do PTSD. There are several books by/about survivors. I can list some of them later.

It worked pretty well when we all met in a forum in the chat room at the same time. The hard part is scheduling everybody together. I thought it was worth doing.

The way to find a time is for the leader to list or suggest the several times they could be there. Then everybody goes down the list and selects the one or ones best for them.

Puffer

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#463534 - 04/01/14 12:26 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1625
Hello

I have been following the thread and am interested in being part of the group.

Kevin

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#463626 - 04/03/14 07:08 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
Puffer,
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
There are several books by/about survivors. I can list some of them later.


Please share some ideas. I'm new here, pretty new to all this and don't have a good handle on what's out there.

Basically, I want to read something that gives me hope, inspiration and ideas I can incorporate into my own life. And, I want people to read it with because I think I'll get more out of it, and I'm more likely to read it if I've committed to others that I will.

Here are my preferred times:

  • Monday 9:30pm Eastern
  • Wednesday 9:30pm Eastern
  • Sunday 8:00pm or 9:00pm Eastern


What works for others?
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

Top
#463633 - 04/03/14 11:17 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
There is a book: Nice To Meet me, by C.K. Carlton.

It is about recovery. It is not complicated or depressing. It's about grandfather abuse and how he seeks healing. He is a member of MS and has posted about his book. I don't have the link handy at the moment. He goes by a different "handle" in MS.

http://www.amazon.com/Nice-Meet-Me-C-K-Carlton-ebook/dp/B006N2VOWC/

I think any of the 3 times listed would work for me.

Puffer


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#463644 - 04/04/14 07:53 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: txb]
sentry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 08/11/12
Posts: 58
Loc: Canada
Hey landscape. Thanks for taking the initiative to start a MS Survivor Book Club. I am interested but have never been part of something like this. I think txb brings up a good point about the different times zones.
I am very interested in reading with you and others the Mike Lew book " Victims No Longer" I read right threw it when I first got it and have referred to it off and on. The feed back and sharing of thoughts with other survivors would be something that we all could profit from I think.
Sentry

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#463860 - 04/08/14 03:47 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
BuryingJack Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/10
Posts: 101
Landscape, wonderful idea, and thanks for suggesting Nice To Meet Me, Puffer! If the group decides to read it, I'd love to be part of any discussion. I've made progress (and I've encountered setbacks) since it was published over two years ago, so maybe what I've learned since could be interesting for a discussion?

Chris
www.ckcarlton.com

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#463861 - 04/08/14 03:52 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: BuryingJack]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6852
Loc: USA
BuryingJack

I think it's normal for us to have ups and downs.

Are you going to write a sequel?

I've made tremendous progress myself but I'm still struggling.

Puffer

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#463865 - 04/08/14 04:12 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
BuryingJack Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/10
Posts: 101
Hi Puffer -

Absolutely agree. I've learned a little more about things that push me into a down period, and I'm also finding that I manage the downs better than I used to - tangible progress, but it's a slow process and being patient is important for me.

This summer I'll be releasing a second edition (new beginning and end). I think the perspective I've gained in the past several years will make for a better read.

Chris

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#464075 - 04/14/14 03:26 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
innervoice Offline


Registered: 03/23/14
Posts: 3
Loc: NY
I am also interested. I am open to the PTSD book as well, but fine with anything. I think this could be a great group.

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#464568 - 04/25/14 03:37 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
Sorry it's been a while folks. I do want to try to make this happen...

I just came across what I think could be the perfect book to start with. Practical Wisdom: The Right Way to Do the Right by Barry Schwartz and Kenneth Sharpe.

The summary on Amazon says "In their provocative new book, Barry Schwartz and Kenneth Sharpe explore the insights essential to leading satisfying lives. Encouraging individuals to focus on their own personal intelligence and integrity rather than simply navigating the rules and incentives established by others, Practical Wisdom outlines how to identify and cultivate our own innate wisdom in our daily lives."

An article on Brain Pickings describes the book as "a fascinating and necessary exploration of how to nurture and reclaim the essential moral skill at the heart of character traits like courage, compassion, loyalty, fairness, generosity, and empathy, inspired by the timeless teachings of Aristotle’s philosophy yet grounded in invaluable insights from contemporary psychology."

The book is conveniently divided into four parts, so I think we should have our first meeting to discuss part one on Monday, May 12th from 9:30pm - 10:30pm Eastern Time.

That gives everyone three weeks to get the book and to read part one. Then, we can read the following parts--one per week--for each of the following three weeks.

Who's in? Respond here, or send me a PM.
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

Top
#464583 - 04/25/14 10:43 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Jay1946 Offline


Registered: 08/08/13
Posts: 82
Loc: Miami, Florida, USA
Count me in. I've just downloaded it into my kindle.

Are we going to do it on the chat channel or here?
_________________________
Jay

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#464927 - 05/04/14 07:29 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
Bumping. Anyone else interested in participating?

First Meeting: Monday, May 12th from 9:30pm - 10:30pm Eastern Time
Location: In chat
Book: Practical Wisdom: The Right Way to Do the Right by Barry Schwartz and Kenneth Sharpe.
Assignment: Read Part I

Respond here or PM me, so I know how many are coming.
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

Top
#465277 - 05/12/14 10:07 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
It's not too late to join in the Book Club discussion. Next week, we'll discuss parts 1 and 2. Everyone is welcome.

When: Monday, May 19th from 9:30pm - 10:30pm Eastern Time
Where: In chat
Book: Practical Wisdom: The Right Way to Do the Right by Barry Schwartz and Kenneth Sharpe.
Assignment: Parts 1-2

Respond here or PM me, so I know how many are coming.
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

Top
#465500 - 05/19/14 12:22 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
Landscape Offline


Registered: 01/31/14
Posts: 38
Hoping some folks are able to join tonight at 9:30 Eastern in the chatroom.
_________________________
--
"And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out"

Top
#466498 - 06/11/14 07:03 PM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
NoSimpleMachine Offline


Registered: 06/05/14
Posts: 79
Loc: SF Bay Area
Landscape asked me to offer up a few suggestions for the book club so here goes.

Non-Fiction

Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces That Shape Our Decisions by Dan Ariely
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1713426.Predictably_Irrational
Looks at all sorts of ways (particularly in medicine and advertising/economics) where human beings make decisions that actually work against their rational self-interest, but do it consistently, hence the title of the book. A good read for getting insight in how we can get stuck in traps that don't help us, or for understanding the world around us.

The Cross in the Closet by Timothy Kurek
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16082010-the-cross-in-the-closet

A true account from a first-time author...a straight man raised in the conservative, anti-gay, fundamentalist southern tradition challenges himself to walk a mile in another's shoes by coming out as gay to his friends and family, dealing with the fallout as a real gay man would, and moves to the gayborhood of Memphis, attends gay equality rallies in D.C. and New York, and generally completely opens his worldview. Not the most technically polished piece of writing, but a powerful subject that is handled with honesty.

The Discarded Ones by James Tipper
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16081319-the-discarded-ones

Another true account written about a "troubled" teenager who is sent to a year-round Academy that is meant to reform kids...he has to choose between adapting to a bizarre world of skewed incentives or escape with his self intact. I found this book incredibly compelling, really couldn't put it down, and think it will appeal to anyone who's ever felt like the world around them is crazy. Potential trigger warning: does contain some adult-teen sexual contact (not from a first-person perspective). It's non-fiction but reads like a fiction novel. It was only research after the fact that revealed to me it was a true story.

Fiction
Blame by Michelle Huneven
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6514824-blame

A powerful, somewhat dark, fiction novel that chronicles the adult life of a woman who lives with the guilt of killing someone in a hit and run accident, goes to prison for it for several years, and tries to piece her life together after the fact. Think CSA survivors will relate a lot to her struggles and guilt, and the strides she makes within herself as she goes through life.

The Martian by Andy Weir
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18007564-the-martian

The least CSA-related book here, but a really engrossing shorter science fiction novel (that's also very scientifically accurate) about the crew of one of the first manned missions to Mars in the early-mid 21st century...one of the crew members, thought dead, is left on Mars by his crew when they have to abort their mission and he ends up having to use his wits and the materials at hand to survive long enough to be rescued. Plenty of light-hearted moments with a very likable character who has to work through some life-threatening scrapes in order to survive. Hope CSA survivors will appreciate someone who keeps his head down, works to solve his problems, and maintains a sense of humor through it all.


Edited by NoSimpleMachine (06/11/14 08:32 PM)
_________________________
I've known love, I've known pain, and I've called them by each other's names.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tazGZU4ufGM

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#467938 - 07/24/14 10:51 AM Re: Male Survivor Book Club? [Re: Landscape]
96789594 Offline


Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 18
HI
i think it's a great idea! i read all of your posts and it seems that the majority is intrested in some PTSD books
i'v been reading THE POST TRAUMATIQUE STRESS DISORDER BY GLEN SHIRALDI it is recomended ,https://1in6.org/books/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-sourcebook/ .Actually i been reading a lot i find it very helpful! i'm curiouse if anyone is intrested .
Mark
_________________________
The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.-Anna Quindlen-

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