Newest Members
JohnWC, KKumar, J44, Anura, reynel5
12420 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
almostdonew/life (39), barelysurviving (45), bigbob20 (69), billyp (65), Shawv (70), TheTwoOfUs (43)
Who's Online
4 registered (Rich1967, 3 invisible), 30 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12420 Members
74 Forums
63773 Topics
445349 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#461657 - 02/27/14 05:24 PM things do get better!! For survivors and spouses.
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 364
Sometimes on here we see nothing but painful posts from spouses (which is sooooooooo understandable. This is some crazy painful stuff) but
I wanted to share some good things as well that have been happening. I think people stop visiting the web site when life gets good so I have come back and hopefully this will give us all our little ray of hope.

Many of you know my/our story. It has been the most incredibly painful almost 4years. I mean PAINFUL, CRAZY and CONFUSING with some good times thrown in there too.

Hubby is a rape victim, sex addict and alcoholic not too mention the financial shit. I married him having no idea the shit that was going on and could have never been prepared for what I found out. There is no other word for it but TRAUMATIZING! I still suffer from PTSD from it all but am recovering finally.

Anyway, it has been a loooooooooooooooooong road. A painful road. A road that we will always be travelling (that is how it is with an addict) but we are getting so much better. Years of therapy for us both, sex addicts anon meetings for him, COSA for me, 5 days intensive at Pine Grove for sex addiction, group therapy for him, couples group therapy for us both and we are both working the 12 steps and have sponsors.

Has it been easy? F^&K NO! Is it perfect? NOpe but getting so much better. I feel hope most days. Am I afraid of him relapsing? Absolutely but I know that I will be ok.

I hope this helps someone.

Top
#461658 - 02/27/14 05:27 PM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 364
And one more thing......F^&k YOU Shame monster....you aren't allwed in my house anymore. All of that has improved by all the group therapy. I am grateful to God everyday for that. He pops his ugly little head still but hubby works through mych quicker!

Top
#461660 - 02/27/14 07:51 PM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1709
lucylives

wow great to hear you and your husband have moved forward. You are right the shame monster is ever present until we learn what happen is not our shame but the shame belongs to the abuser. Keep going and I hope you and your husband continue to heal.

Top
#461714 - 02/28/14 10:12 AM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
Lenny Offline


Registered: 07/19/13
Posts: 20
Loc: Kansas
I am proud of the progress and you and your husband have made. I experience you as a loving committed woman and wife and these values have helped you make progress. Remember that perfection is an illusion. It is not something to achieve because we will never arrive at it. Continue to live according to your values and use your values to set the goals you want to achieve. You and your husband got this. You two can handle it. Grow in courage, support, love and commitment together. smile smile smile
_________________________
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission
Don't take anything personally
It's not the event, it's the meaning applied to it

Top
#461791 - 03/01/14 08:30 AM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3449
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Originally Posted By: lucylives
...
I wanted to share some good things as well that have been happening. ... so I have come back and hopefully this will give us all our little ray of hope....
Anyway, it has been a loooooooooooooooooong road. A painful road. A road that we will always be travelling (that is how it is with an addict) but we are getting so much better. ...
I hope this helps someone.



so glad to hear this, Lucy.
happy for you both.
keep on working it.
lee
_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#461991 - 03/04/14 08:23 AM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
L84 Offline


Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 22
Loc: USA
Lucy,

Thank you for sharing!
Great to hear for you husband and family!
It is important to celebrate victories along the way, so thank you for that reminder. You are a light to your husband and family and those of us who are fellow overcomers.

L

Top
#461995 - 03/04/14 09:53 AM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hello Lucy, Long time no chat. I am soooo happy that things are improving for you, its great to hear.
I love good news always makes me carry on the fight.

Keep going
Martin
_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

Top
#462001 - 03/04/14 10:14 AM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
YYZGIRL Offline


Registered: 01/21/13
Posts: 22
Loc: Canada/USA
Thank you for sharing your great news, it gives the rest of us dealing with all this hope that things will get better 😄

Top
#462024 - 03/04/14 06:02 PM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 364
Thanks for all the responses. It is so nice to have something good to report.

As you all know it has been a very hard road but I can't tell you how much we have both grown and changed. We just started group therapy with other sex addict couples and I am looking forward to great things from it. A lot of hard work but we are really striving for true intimacy!

Didn't even know it was missing. (that is my work!) I am learning.

Anyway, thanks to you all. Some of you have helped me tremendously and given me answers (as best you could) and some of you just listened to my ranting and raving. I am grateful.

Top
#463184 - 03/26/14 01:55 AM Re: things do get better!! For survivors and spouses. [Re: lucylives]
HD001 Offline


Registered: 07/30/12
Posts: 262
Loc: us
Hey lucy
Thanks for sharing. I'm really happy for the progress you both have made. Marriage is hard even under the best circumstances. Which is probably why so many get divorced. Your H is lucky to have such a strong partner is you. I hope that I can continue to be strong and move forward with my own progress as well.
Cheers!
_________________________
Everything comes from within

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.