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#461831 - 03/01/14 09:08 PM what has the abuse cost you?
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
your thoughts please

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com
cut and paste link due to mispell

rich
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#461834 - 03/01/14 09:22 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6817
Loc: USA
There seems little doubt that abuse is/was a terrible kind of theft. It is the theft of a child's future, of his sense of self, of his innocence, and of his sexuality as a father.

Puffer

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#461838 - 03/01/14 09:46 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
cosmos Offline


Registered: 11/12/12
Posts: 176
Loc: Puget Sound
Isn't that the $64,000 question for us all; and none of us ever will ever really truly know what it cost us? However its not the reality for us, so does it really matter. Sorry to answer your question with one; but I just don't see it as anything other than an intellectual exercise. Isnt better to spend the mental energy focusing on healing oneself?


Chris
_________________________
"it has never yet been discovered how to make man unknow his knowledge, or unthink his thoughts"

T. Paine

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#461839 - 03/01/14 09:51 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3085
Loc: O Kanada
does the law of supply and demand apply here?
if so
the question and answer for me is

what has the abuse cost me?
only what i was willing to pay.

and i believe i paid too much.
so where does the demand originate?

another important question, which i also cannot answer is
what is the abuse going to continue to cost and how much more am i willing to pay when the price was already too high?

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#461844 - 03/01/14 10:39 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 935
Loc: southern California
Rich,

When I think of "cost," I think of the price I've paid to move toward healing.

In reference to the abuse and its aftermath, I would say it took much...very much...from my life. It crippled my relationships, career, physical health, and self-image.

But in the end I am making something better than I imagined of my life. Not there yet, but very well on the way.
_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#461848 - 03/02/14 01:37 AM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1483
Loc: New England
I measure the cost in time...the years that were lost...
  • 42 years of keeping the secret, hating myself, and shame
  • 27 years of alcoholism
  • 8 years of isolating through High School and College
  • 33 years of bad marraige
  • 10 years of therapy
  • 7 years of acting out sexually
  • 25 years of untreated mental illness
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#461911 - 03/02/14 07:38 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
jas4159 Offline


Registered: 06/16/11
Posts: 278
thanks everyone. I agree that it is better to focus on healing and not what was lost. I also think it is important to understand what the abuse has cost each of us. During the beginning or my recovery, and inparticular when i stepped out of denial I was overwhelmed with the realization of just how much i had lost and what the abuse had cost me. So in terms of understanding just how much had to heal - i found reflecting on the cost useful in putting my recovery in perspective.

rich
justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

cut and paste due to the mispell

rich
_________________________
Thanks

rich

justanothersurvivror.wordpress.com

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#461912 - 03/02/14 07:59 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3085
Loc: O Kanada
42 years of keeping the secret, hating myself, and shame
27 years of alcoholism
8 years of isolating through High School and College
33 years of bad marraige
10 years of therapy
7 years of acting out sexually
25 years of untreated mental illness
--------------
equals 152 years of hard-earned experience, Jude.


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#461923 - 03/02/14 10:31 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1285
What has the abuse cost me?

My dad never knew what the older neighbor was doing to me and so many other kids in the neighborhood.

One day my dad said to me, "You know - I'm on your tail about a lot of things, including responsibility. But you are a really good boy and I'm proud of you."

A good boy? He had no idea. I snatched the compliment from him like a greedy dog stealing a treat and ran, as if I found a wallet stuffed with cash that didn't really belong to me. As much as I tried, I never was able to own that wonderful and special regard. I didn't deserve it - I was filth. And I was even filthier for not telling him how wrong he was about me. I kept him at arm's length for the rest of his life - 20 years - so he'd never get the chance to know.

His last words to me, before they rolled him into a surgery he did not survive, were these...

"I never got to know you as well as I would have liked - you are a very private person. But I know you love me." I choked up - I couldn't get the words out. I loved him so much and I couldn't even say it. And that was my goodbye.

That's the price I paid.
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#461930 - 03/02/14 11:27 PM Re: what has the abuse cost you? [Re: jas4159]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south
(((Erik)))

(((and all)))

(((and me)))


Edited by ThisMan (03/02/14 11:29 PM)
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For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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