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#461869 - 03/02/14 10:47 AM Celebrate Our Milestones
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1560
Getting ready to head off to a meeting in the suburbs and before I forget I wanted to mention something I never focused on--celebrating our milestones in healing.

This past week my T put me on a maintenance schedule, every two months. He is satisfied with my progress and believes I have put the abuse in its place. He told me I have worked hard, overcame disturbing situations and actions of others in the recent present that could have taken my life. He said I found the right mix of support-support groups and friends. I told him, he was instrumental and kept me on track also.

He said if something comes up, we should meet. I agree with him and will see how it goes.

Last night we were going to dinner, just thought the two of us. When we got to the restaurant there were several friends waiting--greeting me with congratulations. It was not my birthday and I could not figure out what was going on. My friend had arranged to celebrate my new found phase in life and to reinforce I had worked hard to be where I am today. She caught me off guard. One person there said we celebrate when someone successfully battles cancer and other illnesses. But we forget those who suffered a life time from CSA and other traumas and are often forgotten and mistreated. He went on to say, these psychologically damaging events have the same effects as cancer, heart disease--they rob one of life and for some are fatal. Then a toast to me. I was touched and realized I had worked hard, and will continue to work hard. I have made progress. To say it out loud was quite liberating. I am glad someone around me knew the importance of celebrating because I never thought of it. I realized those that celebrate with us, are those who truly care and have their moral compasses set in the right direction.

It made me realize we all battle daily the effects of CSA. But do we ever truly celebrate the milestones that we achieve along the way as we heal. I think celebrating with others allow us to reinforce we are working hard and battling demons others do not know. Celebrating will also allow us to realize where we are today and where we were in the past. It also let us know we have people who care and understand the hidden damage of CSA.

I thought about those that suffer physical illnesses, people can relate to them and offer assistance and kindness. But something hidden and not visible illnesses like CSA does not always attract those responses. Instead we find negative comments and misunderstandings of what we struggle to overcome and the affects on us. For physical illnesses people blame the drugs for the actions of those suffering, for us our mind is our medicine and how it reacts was to save us and now it somehow tells us how to cope. Sometimes, the medicines given and our medication--are not the right prescription or dosage. We learn to adjust our medication--the mind--as we heal.

Along the way people have said to me, we should never judge others:

Everyone we meet is
Fighting a battle you
Know nothing about.

Be Kind

Always.

So we need to celebrate our milestones, our growth and those who have been here to support us. Only this way can we see how far we have traveled.

I am somewhat in a very upbeat mood and feel blessed to be where I am and to have wonderful people and supporters in my life. I think, as my T said, if I had not found kind and compassionate people and supporters I may not have be here today. So celebrate your achievements on this difficult journey to heal--you deserve to celebrate.

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#461887 - 03/02/14 02:55 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 596
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
Hi KMCINVA,

I am so pleased you have such supports in your life.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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#461889 - 03/02/14 03:30 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
Made me teary-eyed. That was beautiful, thank you so much for sharing and bless you for having so many people on your side who care for you and cheer you on.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

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#461906 - 03/02/14 06:40 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3090
Loc: O Kanada
that is really heart warming.
those are insightful people.
thanks for sharing some good news.
some of us are dealing with millstones,
it is good to remember the milestones.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#461910 - 03/02/14 07:38 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 187
Loc: Canada
Hi KMCINVA,

Reading your post caused me to think about my own progress or milestones.
I felt a happy sadness, if that makes any sense. Almost tears.
The idea to celebrate was brilliant. Something worth celebrating for sure.

Good on you and props to the organizer of the celebration.

I hope for all of us to have the same success and celebration.

Cheers and congratulations.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#461931 - 03/02/14 11:29 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
Wow such amazing supports you have there!! That's incredible, I am so happy for you! Your post is extremely hopeful and also full of wisdom. How did your therapist and you decide that this milestone was reached? I want to give your friends and therapist a big high five and giant HUG for their pure awesomeness!!!!!

Through my own journey through CSA, I too have met some unbelievable supporters who have propelled me in my healing journey. They have also given me the courage to pick up a new passion and promote awareness of CSA. I am even considering a change in my studies and future caI reer to focus on helping victims of CSA. My supporters are true friends and mentors and I love them so dearly!

I cannot stress how proud I am of you and all others who have reached such success!! May you continue to grow and leave an impact in the world around you! Thank you for sharing your story!!

Many HUGS
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#461961 - 03/03/14 11:26 AM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
cant_remember Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/05
Posts: 1039
Big time hugs.

As you know, I've experienced my own recovery milestone recently. So let us celebrate together without forgetting how impossible such milestones seemed until they happen.

To those reading who think recovery milestones will not come for you, that recovery is too difficult, that beating this is impossible: know that the hopelessness that you feel is an illusion caused by the shadow of your perp. I felt hopeless and then the world changed for me.

I know there was a time when I would have resented such happy-talk, would have refused encouragement for fear of falling for false hope once again. If that's you now, I love you with my whole heart. I know how you feel.

Hug yourself. Love yourself if no one else can or will. Fill yourself with the hope you need to continue. Try to, anyway.

May we all recover and have our milestones to celebrate. Congrats again, KMC.

Cant
_________________________
Recovery is possible. Hang in there, brothers.

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#461974 - 03/03/14 09:39 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
JayBro Offline


Registered: 11/13/12
Posts: 245
Loc: Germany
This is such a beautiful thread!! And Cant Remember, thank you for sharing with us your post!! smile I feel the same way for others!
_________________________
,,Nun ging es immerzu, weit, weit bis an der Welt Ende."

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#462018 - 03/04/14 01:57 PM Re: Celebrate Our Milestones [Re: KMCINVA]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1560
We spend time and energy focusing on our failures, our weaknesses, and setbacks. I could talk about them forever, in support, therapy and here. I could retreat into a world I did not know. I use to shun my successes because I expected failure around the corner--why could I not think more success was around the corner? Surrounding myself with people who celebrate everything good and are there when people are down has shown me I need to do both for myself.

I am learning how to be proud of what I achieved. After reading the comments in this thread and hearing the happiness in the words cant_remember wrote of his successes makes me realize we need to focus on the positive parts of our healing. As said,love first comes from within and as we heal we find that love that was buried the first time we were put under the control of the abuser.

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