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#461253 - 02/22/14 12:06 AM Hello friends
CA_Bob Offline


Registered: 02/21/14
Posts: 5
Loc: California
First off I would like to thank the creators of this site. After reading some of the posts here, I found the courage to finally break my silence.

Forgive me, I find it very hard sharing details of what happened to me. What I will share is that I was abused by a male nurse while I was in the hospital. the abuse occurred over a two day period. The abuse occurred just a little over a year ago. I tried to bury the memories deep, but flashbacks vex me on a daily basis. After six months my life began to fall apart.

I spend long hours in the bedroom because I feel safe there. I rarely go outside the apartment except to do grocery shopping and other important business. I have not have had a good nights sleep for more than a year. And when I do sleep, I have nightmares almost every night.

This last Tuesday I finally told my counselor about the abuse. I fully understood that If I told her, she will have to report the abuse to her superiors.

That same day I told my wife. At first she thought I was just being over sensitive, but after described everything in detail, she realized that the nurse did things far beyond what what a nurse should do. She has pledged to support me in any way she can.

Now I need to take the next step; file a police report. I tell you, I am am not looking forward to this. I know it is going to be hard and painful because I have to give every little detail about the abuse.

Thanks for reading...

Bob

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#461257 - 02/22/14 01:38 AM Re: Hello friends [Re: CA_Bob]
Jude Offline


Registered: 08/09/12
Posts: 1489
Loc: New England
Welcome Bob. That was quite an introduction. Sorry for what you've been through, but breaking your silence is one of the keys to healing.

And you are doing the right thing by reporting too. This guy has, and will continue to do to others what he did to you. He's got to be stopped. I am a male nurse and I'd like to kick his f*%#ing ass.

Remember that in following through on this, you've got about 12,000 guys here on MS cheering you on.

Be well,

Jude
_________________________
"But now old friends are acting strange,
they shake their heads, they say I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day
....it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all. "
Joni Mitchell

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#461268 - 02/22/14 11:18 AM Re: Hello friends [Re: CA_Bob]
OCN Offline


Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 217
Loc: Western Europe
Hello Bob

Thank you for sharing your story! You did a good thing by breaking the silence!

Wish you all the best!
Pieter
_________________________
Trust me, you are worth it to love yourself!

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#461315 - 02/23/14 01:09 AM Re: Hello friends [Re: CA_Bob]
CA_Bob Offline


Registered: 02/21/14
Posts: 5
Loc: California
Thanks for the words of encouragement OCN, Jude.

I would be lying if I said I had no desire to 'kick his ass'. I am a very placid person, but I could make an exception just for him.

I am so angry at him, but at the same time I am angry at myself. how many others has he abused. I know for a fact he he abused one other patient--he admitted it.

I hate myself for not reporting the abuse sooner.

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#461322 - 02/23/14 05:35 AM Re: Hello friends [Re: CA_Bob]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3100
Loc: O Kanada
Dear CA BOB,

welcome to ms.org,
the club nobody wanted to join.

here is the good news.
you are already breaking your silence after only one year!
this is very positive for you.
my theory is…
the longer you keep the secret,
the more damage is done, and the harder it is to recover.

you will find that talking about it will become easier as time goes on.

i do not want to sound like a pessimist, however…
please… do not count on the police or the court system to provide any kind of justice or closure. generally speaking, their track record is dismal when it comes to convicting sexual offenders.
if justice, or something similar, happens, consider that a bonus.
please be on guard against being re_abused by doubters and haters out there.
you will not be treated fairly or kindly by the defence attorney, if there is a trial.
you will likely experience and endure accusations and offensive questions from the investigators, who are trained skeptics.
protect yourself at all times.
all that matters is that you get the support you need to sort this out.

so, please, focus on your own recovery.
it is ok to be selfish for the next little while.

good luck, and keep us informed.

cheers!
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#461326 - 02/23/14 08:56 AM Re: Hello friends [Re: CA_Bob]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1562
Bob

Welcome and you have taken a brave step. Telling your wife and coming to MS--

You have endured much and hopefully your counselor will be able to guide you though the abuse and your next steps.

Heal well.

Kevin

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#461442 - 02/24/14 11:50 PM Re: Hello friends [Re: CA_Bob]
Adam A Gedman Offline


Registered: 08/12/13
Posts: 187
Loc: Canada
Bob,

I am sorry for your reason to be here, but glad you have found us.

That is a lot to have to deal with, in such a short period of time. I took almost 40 years to get to the point of dealing with the abuse I suffered. Dealing with it so quickly demonstrates great strength and I see as something to be proud of.

All the responsibility for the abuse, and the results of that abuse, belong to the abuser. They chose to do this to you, and to others. You have ZERO responsibility for that.

Try to find compassion for yourself, for what you suffered, and how you continue to suffer. This abuser misused their position of trust, to take advantage of those most vulnerable and in their care.

You addressed the abuse you suffered at exactly the right time for you.
I believe that those who suffer abuse have 2 jobs in the immediate aftermath.
1. Survive
2. Continue Surviving
You did a great job at both, and have now made the brave choice to step beyond surviving.

I'm with victor, be a little selfish, take care of you.
I think that any potential legal action would ultimately have a negligible effect on your overall recovery.

Welcome, and keep well.
_________________________
Presence is the key, for all we have is now.
All we ever have is right now.

Formerly Adam A Gedman (AKA - A damAGed man)

But you can call me Kevin

Toronto Mini WoR - May 2014

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#461523 - 02/25/14 11:56 PM Re: Hello friends [Re: victor-victim]
CA_Bob Offline


Registered: 02/21/14
Posts: 5
Loc: California
Originally Posted By: victor-victim
Dear CA BOB,

welcome to ms.org,
the club nobody wanted to join.

here is the good news.
you are already breaking your silence after only one year!
this is very positive for you.
my theory is…
the longer you keep the secret,
the more damage is done, and the harder it is to recover.

you will find that talking about it will become easier as time goes on.

i do not want to sound like a pessimist, however…
please… do not count on the police or the court system to provide any kind of justice or closure. generally speaking, their track record is dismal when it comes to convicting sexual offenders.
if justice, or something similar, happens, consider that a bonus.
please be on guard against being re_abused by doubters and haters out there.
you will not be treated fairly or kindly by the defence attorney, if there is a trial.
you will likely experience and endure accusations and offensive questions from the investigators, who are trained skeptics.
protect yourself at all times.
all that matters is that you get the support you need to sort this out.

so, please, focus on your own recovery.
it is ok to be selfish for the next little while.

good luck, and keep us informed.

cheers!


Going to court is one of the things I fear the most for the exact reasons you listed. I do not relish the thought of recounting what happened to me while I lay in a hospital bed in front of 12 jurors, judge and who ever might be in the audience.

I did finally contact the police and did make an initial report over the phone and that was not pleasant in itself. When the officer asked me, "why didn't you say NO! or STOP IT!", I had to explain that I was terrified and confused.

I am sure that there will be more uncomfortable events to come.

Bob

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