Relationships just seem messed up sometimes, to me. I get in a funk and can't get right. It takes a day or two and a new perspective appears.
I don't know how women deal with us. Honestly. I know I have probably driven my wife crazy at times, although I love her dearly.
Do what is best or you as a self respecting person. Just for me, I can't be a good part of a reasonably healthy relationship if I feel like a POS.
I have found that my wife will do any physical thing for me. She does not do things that violate her integrity as a person.
As a guy, it took a while to realize that. Love is powerful, priceless.
Best wishes on finding your answers.
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.