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#460254 - 02/07/14 02:08 AM Flame on
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 369
Loc: Ohio
This throbbing ache inside of me -
My physique has no malady,
The mind in pain rips through my core,
Not of now, manifest of yore -

Assault beyond body to break
My sex, besieged I fled the ache
And spirit floats, they have control
of body yes, but not the soul.

Years later, recollection dim,
But coping's wrought pysche without vim.
Recall bombards, postponed pain flares
Beyond control, like them, it scares

If pain outside, cope I'd muster.
It burns, I yearn, if out occur?
Flame, singe, ahhh, now - out, scar reveals
Pained skin, I choose, need for more reels

Candles, lighters, cigarettes too,
Control from the perp, me not you.
Burn, relief, yes, but oh so short.
New compulsion, I must abort.

Self-injury as anger churns,
May look bad, but they're only burns,
Want flame hit bad, but I know steps,
Resist, share hard, transform in reps

The pain has ebbed, with mild up-flows,
Is this faint scar, or self-gave rose?
My skin, their attack, gained no rule
Scarred, but flames only start with fuel

-fini-

Please know that I'm not feeling in the heat of this stuff now. Just expressing something from my journey along the way. Haven't burned myself over this CSA stuff in years, close to a decade probably.

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#460348 - 02/08/14 08:17 PM Re: Flame on [Re: kcinohio]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3582
Loc: O Kanada
this is awesome!
well written.
love it.

i have been there.
physical pain was preferable to psychic pain,
so i would often use it to take my mind off my mind.
of course, like all drugs, i developed a high tolerance,
requiring higher dosages to get high.
and so the downward spiral.
self abuse was viral.
it is not a pretty place to live.
you have put it into perspective.

reminds me of a short line i wrote a long time ago in my dark past,
that never really evolved into a poem or song...

"at first it burns,
it hurts a bit,
but soon you learn
to like the hit."

didn't know where to go from there.

anyway, thanks for sharing that poem.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460420 - 02/09/14 08:41 PM Re: Flame on [Re: kcinohio]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 369
Loc: Ohio
Thanks victor. I liked the line you wrote as well. One of those topics there isn't a lot out there on from the other side of recovering from the practice.

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#460436 - 02/10/14 03:01 AM Re: Flame on [Re: kcinohio]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3582
Loc: O Kanada
from what i understand, it is a very common problem these days.
it even has its own acronym... SMS (self mutilation syndrome),
although i was the only person i was aware of doing it back in the 1970's.
until i went into therapy and started to meet others like me, i thought it was simply masochism.
i thought i invented it smirk


_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460473 - 02/10/14 11:10 PM Re: Flame on [Re: victor-victim]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 369
Loc: Ohio
Originally Posted By: victor-victim
from what i understand, it is a very common problem these days.

i thought i invented it smirk




That made me smile. One of those weird responses of mine only people that have been there would understand.

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#460493 - 02/11/14 02:40 PM Re: Flame on [Re: kcinohio]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3582
Loc: O Kanada
unfortunately, i am one of those people.
i still carry the battle scars as a proud reminder of my will to survive the wounds of spiritual war.
they are now my medals of honour.

_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460520 - 02/11/14 08:52 PM Re: Flame on [Re: kcinohio]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3582
Loc: O Kanada
i just realized where i got it from.
iggy pop and sid vicious.
so i guess i didn't invent it.
i, too, used it as performance art.
both privately and publicly.
maintained my pscho persona profile.
not proud of it presently.
the pain was just a bonus.
or was it the other way around.
can't remember now.
maybe the public and private parts were inextricably interwined.
two sides of the same sword and i lived on the edge.

i guess i was razed on rock and roll.
i had razor blades in my soul.

here is another related poem on this very subject.

CHECK my PULSE ... WITH a RAZOR
FEEL it BEAT ... on the EDGE of a BLADE
CUT my THROAT ... to SPITE my SPIRIT
FEAR and PAIN and ANGER fade ... I'M NOT AFRAID

the rest of that poem is here.
http:/...p;Number=434805


and another about self abuse

i get a KICK from ARSENIC
and STRYCHNINE does the TRICK
CYANIDE gets me FRIED
HEMLOCK only makes me SICK

the rest of that poem is here
http://...p;Number=433456
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#460560 - 02/12/14 12:53 PM Re: Flame on [Re: kcinohio]
kcinohio Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/06/12
Posts: 369
Loc: Ohio
Yes, there are quite a few references in music and poetry. Some of them are a little more subtle than others. I like the way you see them as spiritual wounds.

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