I hope you have sucess with your speach.
While I was not sexually abused by my mother I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother. Another survivor suggested I read the Book "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, Ph.D.
I can't find the exact quote, but what she says is that while each story of abuse is differnt you will find a little part of Your abuser in each of the abusers in the book.
I was sexually abused by the little girls accros the alley when I was 4 or 5. (I have never placed much emphais on that) I can remember the emotional and the Physical abuse happening long before that, I can't remember anything about my life before I was three years old. is this "normal?
I keep wondering if there is something significant that happened when I was 3. Perhaps It was when I was three that the S A with the little girls occured.
Today, I feel that I do need to place some emphasis on the little girls across the alley. What they did was to start a cycle that continued into my adult life. I on many occasions I have asked my T's " Do I have a big red sign on my forehead that says Rape me?
, abuse me, take advantage of me.
Two weeks ago I met with both my EMDR T and my regular T. I asked the question again. My EMDR T replied ..."I have found that working with victims of trauma that it is in there eyes."
They have what I call inflicted, sad, fearful eyes. Perpitrators see these eyes.
LIke I said, if you would be interested in talking to me about the effect my abuse has had on my life I would be happy to share some of my experiences.
I can recall two incidents that I have posted about that come to mind how the S A has affected my life.
- I used to have a dream (nightmare) that Santa Clause was chasing me. When he would catch me he would tell me how bad I was and that I wouldn't be getting any presents. Sometimes he would beat me because I had been so bad. Santa Clause was my mother.
In my adult life, I was fired from a job as being a Santa Clause in the mall because I was told by the manager .... one of the customers had told her "That Santa has the saddest eyes I have ever seen. Santa is supposed to be Jolly."
- The second is the story of what I will call the significant S. A's of my life. I now feel that both of these perps saw the " sad fearful eyes' and used these eyes to thier advantage.
If you want to contact me. Private me and I will be happy to send you contact info.