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#459794 - 01/30/14 06:24 PM Re: Are these things normal? [Re: Truart]
J1 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 137
Loc: Missouri
LOL...the mention of clothes brought back very deep memories...I was very tall from an early age and having parents that were impaired daily and doing the crazy with me at night...I was fairly isolated in the home...at school I was geeky and teased for pants that were too high and short...called names like high pockets...flood wear....then in grade four they realized i was extremely nearsighted so i got glasses....

not sure how i made it through grade three..never seeing the blackboard or getting hit in the head daily at recess as I couldnt see the kick ball, baseball, tennis ball etc..no one ever beat me up but they didnt have to...I was an island,...only to return home and face the insanity...but never had dirty clothes or much issue except no shirt or slacks fit my geeky tall boy. I just also realized that I was never taught how to tie my shoelaces , since the parent thing was not about nurturing or teaching....even to this day , my laces come undone and when i retie them folks say...wow where did you learn to tie your shoes...like i am third world...

so...fast forward to getting on my own the day I could bail from home...eventually I made it through college...had a few crazy careers...I was really good at tough guy gigs..lol..did a start up///and...now I can wear nice suits that fit....but..still cant tie my shoes...but I laugh ...even in my solo sober days...life is good...we make it ...

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#459901 - 02/01/14 07:33 AM Re: Are these things normal? [Re: Truart]
Truart Offline


Registered: 01/25/14
Posts: 14
Thanks Jude. It's comforting to know so many people experience the same thing.

J1 : Sounds like a pretty rough childhood right there. I'm glad you've managed to pull through and live a better life. Though stuff that is normal for us, like not being able to tie shoelaces, is really made strange when you mirror it through other people. I think the more you talk to people, the more you realize how many things were strange growing up.

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#460007 - 02/02/14 04:47 PM Re: Are these things normal? [Re: J1]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 256
Originally Posted By: J1
LOL...the mention of clothes brought back very deep memories...I was very tall from an early age and having parents that were impaired daily and doing the crazy with me at night...I was fairly isolated in the home...at school I was geeky and teased for pants that were too high and short...called names like high pockets...flood wear....then in grade four they realized i was extremely nearsighted so i got glasses....

not sure how i made it through grade three..never seeing the blackboard or getting hit in the head daily at recess as I couldnt see the kick ball, baseball, tennis ball etc..no one ever beat me up but they didnt have to...I was an island,...only to return home and face the insanity...but never had dirty clothes or much issue except no shirt or slacks fit my geeky tall boy. I just also realized that I was never taught how to tie my shoelaces , since the parent thing was not about nurturing or teaching....even to this day , my laces come undone and when i retie them folks say...wow where did you learn to tie your shoes...like i am third world...

so...fast forward to getting on my own the day I could bail from home...eventually I made it through college...had a few crazy careers...I was really good at tough guy gigs..lol..did a start up///and...now I can wear nice suits that fit....but..still cant tie my shoes...but I laugh ...even in my solo sober days...life is good...we make it ...


Beautiful story mate.
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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#460008 - 02/02/14 04:52 PM Re: Are these things normal? [Re: Truart]
justplainme Offline


Registered: 09/01/09
Posts: 256
Originally Posted By: Truart
Thansks for all the replies guys.

I wish I had that belief newground. Im still second guessing so many things. At the moment all I feel is shame and confusion. One good thing came through today, I told a friend about what happened. Not any details, just that it did happen. There were a moment of fear before and a little relief after.

We sound so alike victor-victim. I used to have very strong emotions as well and I guess that's why I sealed them in very tight. The spock alter ego is so on the money. That's exactly how I feel. It took me many years to perfect Mr Spock so I guess it might take a bit of work to break down the shell as well. smile

I'm happy for you pittsburgh, releasing the victim brand and empowering yourself. I do see your point and I will not give up either. I wish you luck on your journey as well.

That really makes sense justplainme. I figure it won't go away unless you reconnect it. Today I ordered some clothes that fit my alternate lifestyle. I have always tried to melt into the background and be more normal than normal people. Not daring to be who I feel I am. Clothes have always been a big shaming point for me and I think it is one step to feel at home with who I am. Not sure about you others but I kinda feel I have no identity at all.


I sometimes feel the same way about the identity bit, but i have researched a lot and have found that our personalities are hardwired for survival, we adopt many roles in order to survive our childhood, the brain is that marvelous, that is why our sexualities suffer so much, some had to act as something different than who they are in order to not be killed by their rapist, some had to act as the parent and not the child, deep down our sexualities reveal the deepest aspects of our identity, with healing the how, what, and why will become clearer. Find yourself and love yourself brother Truart!
_________________________

"Survivors need an opportunity to define their own sexuality in their own terms, rather than in reaction to the abuse, so that they stop allowing their offenders to have power over them sexually."

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